How did you decide when to TTC?
Hi I'm a newbie still lurking as we are not TTC yet so I don't feel like I have much to say just now.
We had decided to start trying in December/January. I have started taking folic acid and am starting to get excited as we get closer to December. However, we have two weddings in August next year, one which I am a bridesmaid and the other is abroad. IF I got pregnant first cycle (and that's a big if as I know it's not always that easy) I would be due September. I don't really want to postpone TTC in case we have difficulties but I'm already worrying about these weddings! What would you do in this situation? Should we put TTC back a couple of months? I am clueless about travelling in pregnancy and if I couldn't go I think H would go without me as long as it wasn't too near my due date.
How did you decide when to TTC? Did you consider any future plans you had or did you just go for it and deal with it if it became an issue?
Replies
We put of TTC because of our wedding / honeymoon but that was it. We have weddings next year which I'm really looking forward to, but I'll not postpone TTC for them. As it happens, I'm 9 months in and still unsuccessful. There is always going to be 'something' in the way in my views. My advice would be to start TTC as soon as you would be happy for it to happen now, but if you can earlier, then I would. But, I'm bound to say that with the length of time it has taken - as I wish we had started even earlier now. You will have others who were successful first cycle who wouldn't say they wish they had tried earlier as they didn't need to etc.
The best way I ever heard it said, was that you are ready when you can't think of any real valid excuse not to. For me, if you are ready in your heart then go for it...there will always be some other wedding (or similar) and you can't put it off forever. Good luck!
Erm, with O, it was a blackout, we were bored but we had ran out of condoms, I think "F*ck it!" was the official phrase. With L, we wanted a sibling for O and a minimum age gap of 18 months, so started TTCing again when O was 9 months.
I wanted to wait until we were married before we started TTC. In hindsight, I wish we hadn't waited because we would have known much earlier that we were going to have issues, and who knows, by now we might even have a baby. I'm very much of the opinion that if you know you are ready, just go for it - if you do get lucky and fall pg then you can deal with it. I am due to be MOH for my friend next August and if, by some miracle, I do fall pg between now and then I'll address that if and when it happens.
I guess we had always thought that once we were married it was what we wanted to do. I have never been a career person so even at my age at the time (23), i was happy to start a family and not further my career. We also didn't want to be older parents, with my parents, especially my Dad being in his mid 60's, we also wanted my parents to enjoy as much time with their grandchildren as they could.
I do not regret our decison, and if our first pregnancy had of been successful i think we would have been TTC our second by now. But as it happens, things don't always go the way you hope and plan.
x
A long time ago we had discussed starting a family with the 'see what happens' method as soon as we got married, and ditched the condoms when I was fertile in the week leading up to the wedding. After a couple months of the laid back approach we decided to go all out this past cycle.
We were conscious of the fact that all our siblings were already having children, and wanted our children to have cousins close in age, so time is of the essence. I have two 2 year old nephews and a 6 month old nephew, Ant has 2 nieces aged 2 and 4, my brother's wife is expecting a little girl any day now, and my sister is due with another boy in February. Ant's brother and SIL are probably starting to try as well, though we're all holding our cards close to our chests.
I was ready some time before OH. As he came round he started to question whether a baby being born at a certain time in the year would be better for me for work and if we should plan around that. But, no, we have no idea how long it will take and so you can't plan. There's no perfect time to be pregnant or have a baby.
In my opinion someone else's wedding is not a reason to delay ttc. I would say just go for it now if you are feeling ready, and deal with weddings etc if and when you need to.
When we first started ttc I used to think ahead and work out if I got pregnant how it would impact on other events. However 4 years down the track, priorities change, and I look back now and think "what was I thinking!?" Obviously some people are lucky and get pregnant quickly, but you just never know.
We decided it was time when we walked home after a New Year's Eve party at the pub and realised that we wouldn't really miss that anymore. #2 was to get the minimum age gap we planned and #3 was a case of not trying not to get pregnant but planned to take into account a maximum age gap rather than a minimum. If you are ready then I'd go for it - if you delay for these weddings, then you never know if the year after there will be more occasions and it gets put off more.
I would have started ttc before the wedding, but H wanted to wait. He had it in his head that you do things in a certain order.
I still wish we had started sooner, as this year has proven that TTc isn't straight forward!
WEES re: don't put TTC off if you are ready.
For us, I was ready before H and he took some coming around. As it happens we decided we would start trying on our way to visit some friends who, when we got there, told us they were pregnant! It just confirmed it to us. Unfortunately things didn't go quite to plan with us and it took over 18 months, fertility investigations and clomid for me to get my BFP. Still early days mind.
Apparently 1 in 5 couples need some sort of infertility assistance. But the average healthy couple has a 20% chance each cycle of falling pregnant if the DTD at the right time. Its so hard to know how long your TTC journey will take, but why put it off if you are ready? If you get a BFP - thats amazing and you'll work something out about the weddings. What better reason to miss a wedding ay? But if it takes a while, you'll kick yourself for not starting sooner. HTH x
I would've started as soon as we were married 2 years ago but due to one thing or another and some health problems it wasn't the right time and H didn't feel ready.
I'd say if you both feel ready now go for it, you don't have to try as such but just ditch the contraception. As everyone else says you can't predict anything when TTC so its best just to go with the flow!!
We were going to wait until December/January sort of time but having friends around us getting pregnant made us assess what we wanted. When we were on holiday in France last month we knew we were ready and that's when we started trying. I'm going to echo what a lot of the others have said - if you both feel ready then go for it.
Thank you for all your replies. You have definitely helped me put it into perspective. I think I was hoping there would be a perfect time to start but like you say, you don't know how long it might take and what else might come up in the future.
DumbleSpud - that made me laugh out loud! That's certainly an easier way to decide!
I feel ready. I think about it every day and I really can't wait to become a little family. It feels like everyone around me is pregnant and while I am really happy for them I feel sad that it isn't me.
I think me and H need to have a heart to heart and make a decision together.
Thanks
For me I don't have any of those big things to consider next year other than a wedding in March by which point I'll be a max of 6months pregnant.
We wanted to get married first and move house (baby + 1bed flat = not ideal!). We haven't actually moved yet but decided last month that I would reach the end of that pill packet and then stop so my body could adjust over the next few months before we start trying. The plan being to use condoms in the meantime.
As it happens, I've stopped my pill but we've not used condoms! Just decided what the hell, we're ready mentally so if it happens it happens.
If we're not pregnant by Christmas then we'll start tracking more seriously.
There will always be something, but you can't put your life on hold for other people.
I woke up when I was 25 and just new I wanted a baby, it's taken till I am 33 to get here. So never put of ttc because you never know what can happen.
We got married when we were in our thirties and we would have started straight away but H wanted some couple time and I wanted to get a new job as I was commuting a round trip of 120 miles every day. But jobs were thin on the ground, so four months after we got married, we decided to start anyhow. Six weeks later I got a new job, so we stopped trying for a couple of months to make sure I would get full maternity pay, then started again.
Sixteen months down the line and no pregnancy it's easy to say we should have started earlier, but that's the way it was. You can't plan when you meet the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and to be honest, even if we had met years before I still would have waited until my early 30's to start a family.
I think you will both know when you are ready, you just need to chat about it. I wouldn't let anyone's wedding stop me trying. Since we started we have attended weddings, booked holidays, moved house etc and had I ended up pregnant at any point we would have worked a way around it. Life doesn't stop when you are TTC and I don't think you should put it on hold. But everyone is different.
I think there would always be a reason not to. For me I was thinking about it for about 2 years but never actually got to the point of stopping BC. I really wish I had but then I didn't know I'd have the difficulties I've had.
Thats the problem, just don't know until you try.
Just to add - we weren't married when we started ttcing, we were in the right frame of mind anyway so we didn't let our little wedding stop us. I was 10 weeks pregnant on our wedding day and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
We wanted to be married first, it was important to us not to have a child outside marriage. Then we had to delay due to a high altitude trip earlier this year. After that, due to our ages, it was full steam ahead. I do wish we were younger, but we didn't meet until we were 30 and weren't an item until age 35 (married aged 38).