Feeling so low and upset

Hi ladies

Just a bit of a ramble really as I really need to get things off my chest. End of last month I had yet another BFN, missed my oppurtunity this month because hubby wasn't around at the right time. I have had 4 miscarriages now and am really wondering if I can really put myself through the stress and worry of another pregnancy.

Now for the BIG issue, a friend of a friend was pregnant and estatic about the news, I hate to say it but I was pretty envious as she has four children already, had easy pregnancies and deliveries, I felt like a green eyed monster which is unusual for me as I normally love to hear that things are going well for people, well two days ago, she gave birth, the baby was stillborn, I feel sick, I can't stop thinking about what this poor woman must be going through, I HATE myself, I should never have felt envious. I can't stop crying, why does life have to be so cruel?

Apologies for the rant but I just can't keep it bottled up.
xx

Posts

  • Hey Kazzie,

    Now i hope you know it was not your fault she had a still birth... even if you were not envious it may still have happened! You shouldn't beat yourself up about it my dear. I think its natural to long for what someone else has esp a baby in our case....
    Hope you feel abit more positive
    tc

    Shyro xx
  • That is such a sad story but it was not caused by you at all, it is very normal to feel envious of others. I have a friend who was pregnant at the same time as me and i have to watch her getting bigger all the time and I hate it. She keep asking me to go round to her house but i keep making excuses as I feel so jealous, thinking I should be looking like her now too.

    Try and stay positive hun (I know alot easier said than done!!) Have you had any tests to find out if there are any underlying causes to your Mc??

    Jacqui
    xx

  • u shouldnt feel like this hun! u feeling envious is completely normal! i have 4 best friends that are all pregnant and ive even told them i cant see them all the time now cos i jsut get upset and totaly jelous!!! they understand completely though! it will get better hun.. like jacqui said have u been to doctors for tests?? they normaly say after 3 mcs then they will investigate....
  • I know how you feel. I have been jaleous a lot of other people being pregnant, I can't help it. Unfortunately one of them her baby died and I feel even worse for being jaleous about her.

    However it is not your fault. I could not help feeling jaleous. I was actually surprised when sunday we came across another friend who is 4 months pregnant and I actually had a nice chat with her. The week before I felt extremely jaleous and did not want to talk to her or about her at all. It comes and goes. I am happy for them in a way, but the jaleousy is always there.

  • aw hun that's awful news and i'm sorry to hear that, however your thoughts could no way have impacted on that, think of all of us who have had mc's who are envious jealous of people we know getting their bfp, and there's lots of us on here! (((((hugs))))) xx
  • Thanks ladies

    This whole awful experience has taught me a valuable lesson, never to envy anyone else because their world can come crashing down around them too.

    In answer to your questions, I have never been investigated as I haven't had 3 consecutive miscarriages so nobody really seems to care. The after care here in the Middle East (I am a British Expat) is appalling, the first one I had, the gynae's exact words were, "Look at the screen, your baby is dead, I will need to do a D&C, do you know if your insurance will cover the cost"....so heartless. The second time wasn't much better, I had a different gynae, I had m/c at home and I passed the baby, it was perfectly formed, I was 12 weeks, I had a lot of problems, visited the dr and I broke down in tears, "Stop that crying now" she said, " miscarriage is nothing, I am sure you would be far more upset if you gave birth to a deformed child"...it is a taboo subject out here and you just have to get on with it unfortunately.

    Anyhow, thanks again for taking the time to reply, and good luck to all of us ttc xx
  • OMG, how horrible for you to have to go through all that, their words are so heartless it must have been a horrendous time. So sorry for your pain

    Jacqui
    xx
  • I gasped when I read your post. I am SO sorry. You mustn't feel too guilty, it was natural for you to feel envious. You did not wish her ill because you were envious - you just were.
    Take care of yourself - be kind to yourself and be there for your friend - thats all you can do xx
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