Just cant cope

Hi ladies,

I have been trying for the last 5 years for a baby. After many fertility pills and potions, we were advised that IVF was our best option. (Im 38 with a high FSH...DH has v low sperm count).

So we started on our IVF journey, I took great comfort from this site but never posted....not even when I got my BFP!. OMG, this was the 1st time I was ever pregnant, I was on could 9!!!!!

My sister (who is 42 and had 2 mc) is 12 weeks pregnant. When I announced I was pregnant there was only 4 weeks between us....our dreams had come true we were both pg together.

Went into work last tuesday and was told had been made redunant, but beacuse of the maount of time I had been there I was entiltled to my maternity bebefits, I couldnt believe, nothing so good as this ever happens to me. Well my life was just great.

I went for my 7 week scan, I was 7 weeks and 2 days. I was so excited I was to hear the babys heartbeat...but there was nothing no heatbeat.

In 2 days I have lost my job and my baby, my life sucks. I hat my life and just cant pull myself together. I drove down the road and saw a lorry comeing towards me, i thought I could swerve and it would hit me and that woulsd be it all over, I could find some peace.

I feel like a bubble ready to burst, me and DH are arguing about money because I have lost my job. We cant afford IVF. Everytime I speak to my sister I am reminded of how wonderful being PG is.

I cant beleive how my life is heading....I am so scared as I dont know what to do x


  • Didn't want to read and run, not sure if i'll be any help though!
    I'm so sorry for you hun, i too lost my baby at 7.5 weeks after hearing no heartbeat at scan.
    It's incredibly difficult to deal with, i'm only just starting to feel more positive about things 7 weeks on so it will hurt for a while but you and DH have to be together in your grief.
    You need to talk about your job and what you want to do from here, but maybe you should see your doc too, sounds like you may be suffering from depression.
    So sorry i can't help more, just wanted you to know you're not alone and we're all here to help. xx
  • Oh sweetie, was so very sorry to read your post. I don't know what to say really. I suffered a missed miscarriage a few months back now and finally just getting back on track. I think perhaps like srus2710 says maybe go and see your doc. Remember you're not alone tho, take care. Zxx
  • Mrs Bee,

    I have just had a similar mc to you (no heartbeat at 9 weeks) and the feelings you describe are so familiar. I can only imagine how much harder it must be for you as you were expecting a very much longed for IVF baby and with the work news to deal with as well. I think you would have to be super-human not to feel the way you do.

    I think it would be worth speaking to your GP and maybe seeking some counselling as well to try to help you if you think it would be useful. If you have any friends who can provide support now might be an ideal time to lean on them a little. One of my friends has been fab (but I have found you do have to choose carefully who you talk to as some people don't really seem to understand how difficult mc is both mentally and physically, particularly when you have underlying fertility problems as well).

    I will be thinking of you and wishing you all the very best that a new job will come up which you can take. Hopefully then, when you are ready, you can try again.

  • Thank you all for your kind replys.

    I think the IVF had taken a lot out of me, but to eventually get a BFP I couldnt take it all in.
    I think life is so unfair.............I am very angry and yes I am depressed who wouldnt be.

    I cant bear to talk to my sister and thats eating me up cos I need her so much.

    Oh ladies, I am a complete wreck and I dont feel there is anything I can do.
    I hate my life.
  • MrsBee i am so sorry to read about your situation. We have also just gone through a miscarriage, but i can't begin to imagine how hard it is for you given your IVF etc.

    It really pains me to hear someone talk to hopelessly about their situation and like everyone else i strongly recommend you speak to your doctor. There is a lot of support out there for you. I completely get how you are feeling about your sister at the moment, i think that is natural.

    You have to believe you will get your chance again.

    Please take care and come on here any time you need to vent. There are lots of ladies who understand how you feel, and we all can be a shoulder.

  • g/c as saw this on front page.

    oh hun i'm so sorry for you! but although i can't even imagine what you're going through or offer any support not having been there myself i just wanted to say that you should look into whether you're still entitled to your maternity pay. you are still entitled to maternity leave if you have a miscarriage so i would check about the pay. i know this wont help you with your loss at all but it may stop you and OH stressing over money on top of everything that you're going through currently if youare.

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