Not yet TTC but ERPC advice please

Hi ladies, have been meaning to come in here for a while but couldn't pluck up the courage, how silly is that? At my 12 week scan they discovered I'd had a mmc, and on sunday (25th) I had an ERPC as still wasn't miscarrying naturally. I feel as though I've been beaten up!! Is it normal to ache so much after the op? It's not my abdomen so much as the rest of me - my mam says its because they fling you about on the table so much but need some reassurance. It's not like having the flu and aching, this feels muscular as though I've done too much hard labour in the garden or something and its quite painful!

They gave me diclofenac and its doing nothing for me - paracetemol are having more effect at the minute. I have a 20 month old toddler who I am struggling to lift without help, and because I ache so much I'm struggling a little with everything. Thankfully hubby is on his holidays at the minute so can help out - but tonight has pretty much told me that me & lo are a burden (so supportive, huh?) and he wants to get on with some of his own stuff for a while, so as of tomorrow I'm on my own with it all. Dreading it as its painful to lift lo and after I cooked tea tonight I was so exhausted I could barely eat any of it. Sorry, this is turning into a rant now... guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

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  • bless ya hun. really sorry to hear you're having a rough time. im very sorry that i cant offer any words of wisdom, but i couldnt just read and run - wanted to wish you well.
    i hope that you are feeling more like yourself soon.
    *hugs*
  • I am so sorry for your loss hun and what you going through now.

    I had a M/C at 6 weeks but mine happened naturally so I have can not give you any advice or help but I did not want to read and run.

    They are a lovely bunch of ladies on here and have helped me through my M/C.

    I know Men deal with this a lot different then we do image

    Take care

    Gem xxx
  • Hi hun, so sorry for all your going through.
    I had a D&C in May and I think they are pritty much the same thing. I was fine afterwards (physically) and so were many other ladies I have spoken too about it. I would advise you to speak to your doctor hun. Maybe you have got something else wrong and are just assuming its from the ERPC?
    Im sorry I am no help but hope you get better soon and hopfully OH gets a lick up the backside from someone xxx
  • Hi pet, so sorry for your loss xx
    I had a NMC at 9 wks just 3wks ago so cant offer any advice on erpc, but I havent read any other stories about pain afterwards(physical) so would suggest contacting docs. I do however know that hubby and I had a hard time right after MC and did post here about it. I felt he was just back normal and wasnt supportive. I suppose we all deal with things differently and you are both still very raw. I hope you have good friends and family to lean on just now, take all the help you can get. Time is a great healer. I hope you feel better soon, and like Babylove said, hope someone give OH a kick up the backside (i see babylove said lick, hope thats a typo) Take care xxxx
  • Hiya hun
    So sorry for your loss. You and hubby must both be grieving now and it is so hard when you are both so tired and emotional. Could you ask your mum to help out at all or any friends to have LO? You just need to take care of yourself and maybe have some alone time just you and hubby if that would help maybe?
    take care H x x x
  • Hi,
    I had an ERPC like yourself when I was 12 weeks at the end of May.
    After the operation I had a few cramps in my abdoman but also felt a little run down. My throat was sore as though I had the start of a cold or flu.
    I personally think that as you go through a lot physically and emotionally your body has to have time to catch up and all of the "trauma" has to come out in one way or another. Its just our bodies way of coping.
    I dont mean to be rude but I think your other half is behaving appallingly!!!! Its times like this that you need him more than ever. ERPC's are invasive and emotionally draining. i found afterwards that my hormones and emotions were all over the place and was really clingy towards my hubby (not like me at all)
    Give yourself as much time to try and relax and adjust to what you have been through.... It does get easier I promise.

    Sending you big hugs

    Shelley
    xx
  • Thank you ladies. Feel stupid for complaining but wasn't sure what else to do. Have managed to get my mam to look after lo for a couple of hours this morning (lying to her and saying hubby had to work last minute!) so that he can go off and do something on his own and it means I dont have to worry about lo for a bit. Just hope he's finished by 11 when she brings lo home again!

    Shelley my throat is red raw as well but i was told to expect that by the anaethnetist (really can't spell that!) so didnt put that down as a symptom. Will call the docs if I still feel like this tomorrow. I know what you mean about being emotionally drained; I cried myself to sleep last night whilst hubby sat playing computer downstairs. I asked him a while ago to be honest with me about it all and he shrugged and said he was disappointed but it hadnt felt real to him so there was nothing really to mourn for. I feel like I have no right to grieve or something. My mam keeps telling me I'm dealing with it all too well - maybe she's right and I'm just bottling it up. I guess we'll find out if and when I snap!

    THanks again for listening to me moaning. Will shut up now and leave you lovely people in peace. xx
  • Hi hun,

    I'm so sorry you've found yourself over here, it really is a terrible thing to go through! I don't think men quite get it like us ladies do, we have all the symptoms and appointments but the blokes just turn up when needs be and then carry on with what they were doing! My OH cried twice when it happened and then a couple days later he was happy as larry and i was so gutted, but i bottled it up!

    In the end, after a couple of weeks, i just broke down crying and told him i weren't coping as well as everyone thought. He gave me the biggest cuddle! I think if you put on a brave face, he will continue to do the same. He won't be as upset as you, but that's just a man thing as oppose to your hubby! Try and sit down and talk about it is the best advice i could offer, it really helped me! I talked to OH and my mom and felt much better.

    It does get easier to deal with hun, the time does come when you wake up in the morning and it's not the first thing you think about! You just need time to adjust and lots of TLC in the meantime!

    I didn't have an erpc myself, mine happened naturally, but didn't want to not offer what advice i could!

    Hope you feel better soon! The ladies over here are lifesavers, you can say anything you want and they're so supportive, you don't have to be ttc again!

    Lots of love
    xxx
  • Whoops just seen my typo, yes I did mean KICK!!!!

    I hope some of the things everyone has said help a little. As for "shutting up now and leaving you lovely people in peace". Thats what we are here for and we have ALL had our moans/meltdowns on here (((hugs)))
  • Oh Garfield, I'm so sorry to find you here. I remember you from ttc. I'm over in lttc now but will pop over to see how you are doing x x
  • Hi Garfield, I felt like i'd run several marathons after my erpc. For the week after it I had a really sore throat, like someone else has said it was probably from the anasthetic and they also put something down your throat to stop you swallowing your tongue (i had no idea they had to do that!), my hips were really sore and achy and I put it down to having my legs in stirrups whilst they did the op. I didn't ask but just presumed they did this. The week after I came down with an awful cold and was just completely knackered. I was told if my shoulders hurt to go back to the epac as this can mean infection.

    I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, and your husband doesn't sound like he's coping too well, men try and hide their feelings as I think they think they have to be strong for their partner. There's no excuse for him saying you're a burden but he probably just worded his feelings wrongly. I hope you get some rest and feel better soon xx
  • sorry to see that you are in here as well!
    I had my ERPC almost t3 weeks ago after finding out just before my 12 week scan that baby had no heartbeat,
    I felt fine physically within a day or so aafterwards and the bleeding stopped in about a week.

    I too had a sore throat from the tube but it eased after a few days,

    Take each day as it comes and we can get through this together, this is my second m/c so hoping I will be third time lucky.

    If you want to chat just message me

    Joy x
  • OMG I'm so sorry for the horrendous tmi but getting worried - started passing clots today, so phoned epu as hadnt been told this might happen. They were about the size of a 10p piece and they said this was fine but to keep an eye on it. But they are so big and heavy now I can feel them moving down inside me (sorry, told you it was horrendous!) before they even come out. There are loads of them and lots of bright red, thick blood. I ache so much as well, like period pains but worse than I've ever had - its much worse than after I gave birth to JD!!!!

    Is it normal to pass so many and such large clots? JD managed to head butt me in the tummy earlier as well (after the clots had started) so not sure if its just more sore from that. :cry:
  • I bled for over 3 weeks after my erpc but some people only bleed for a few days. I don't remember any clots but I was too afraid to look in the toilet, sometimes i'd be sat there and i'd feel so much coming out, it was pretty awful. A few times I would have to put on a fresh sanitary towel only 10 minutes after changing it got that bad. This did ease though. When I had my erpc I was 11+6 which is similiar to you so maybe thats why there's so much blood. As for clots, i'm sorry I can't help, I know I had some but as for size i'm not sure. I had a lot of flowing bright red blood too. Having a hot bath does help with the pains I found xx
  • Thank you that has helped ease my mind a bit about the blood loss. I did consider having a bath but didnt want to be sitting there and 'leak' - felt sick at the thought so have been in bed with a hot water bottle instead since lo went to sleep. Think I might have to get some iron tablets (I have low iron levels anyway because of my diet) so hopefully that will help.

    I do have shoulder ache, and neck ache but a friend who works at the hospital says they practically bend you over double on the table before putting your feet in the stirrups (oh the dignity!) so I'm not too worried about that and it is a little easier this afternoon. Its just the clots! I googled it but didnt find anything useful; some say its bad, others say its fine! Google doesnt often fail me but today it did... bad times.
  • Hunni, Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your mmc.

    XXX
  • I found a hot water and a bumper pack of codeine were my best friend for a good 2 weeks as the pain was something else. I passed clots too. Big hugs x x
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