Sturggling with other peoples pregnancys.

Hi, new to the site. Just wondering how everyone else copes with seeing other people having healthy pregnancies.

I miscarried my baby almost a month ago and am finding it so hard to cope with seeing a close family member who is only a few weeks further gone than I would be. And its worsened by the fact that she seems to be rubbing it in. (I know she probably isn't but it feels like she is). She is still smoking heavily and is having the odd drink, she is eating things that you're told not to eat. (she even asks me if shes allowed and then when I say that your advised not to, she still does it).

The day I had the scan to check that everything had come away properly, She ran into the house screaming that she'd just heard her babys heartbeat for the first time. ( I know she was excited!! but she knew I'd just been told that my baby was completely gone....I expected some sensitivity).

Then yesterday she even had the nerve to complain to me about how much she hated being pregnant and how she was never going to have another baby, Even telling me that she'd had the downs syndrome screening test (I'm totally against them tbh) and that if it came back positive that she would go have an abortion! I mean seriously!! How can you be insensitive enough to say that to someone whose just lost their baby. I swear I felt like screaming at her but shes on hubbys side of the family not mine so I have to be careful what I say.

I know that she was annoyed when she found out I was pregnant because she felt like I was stealing her attention or something. I have a son already though and didnt want anyone to fuss over me. I just wanted my baby. I just am finding it so hard to be around her now, I cant avoid her though because shes there whenever we visit my husbands family. image I don't know how I'm going to cope when her bump starts showing properly. Or worse when she actually gives birth and has a beautiful new baby and instead of being excited that I only have a few more weeks for mine to be born, I'm going to be sat there pining for the baby I lost.

Sorry for going on so much. I just really needed to let it out and find out if anyone else is feeling the same way. xxx

Posts

  • Oh my god, poor you I cant believe she could be so insensitve, it must be horrendous to have to deal with everything she is saying and doing. Is there anyway you can sit her down and try to explain how she is making you feel or would that be a waste of time? Some people seemto delight in other peoples sadnesses. It is a shame you cant just stay away from her as much as possible but maybe you just have to try and turn off when she is around and not really listen too much.

    Are you going to try again? If so just try and stay positive and hopefully in a few months you will be pregnant again and will be able to look forward to your next baby.

    Jacqui
  • How insensitive of her!!! Your good keeping your thoughts to yourself I wouldve broken by now!!

    I understand in some ways how you feel as myself & SIL were pg a few wks apart I was a bit ahead of her & I lost my baby & as pleased as I was (she didnt rub it in my face) I found it very very hard & even at family dinner once when everyone was talking about it I got up slammed the chair & stormed upstairs & had a cry, I felt bad for how I had behaved but when I was younger I was told that I may have trouble conceiving so to actually get pg wa amazing & then to have it taken away.

    I will tell you that it got easier & I enjoyed being involved. We lost our 3rd baby the day she was induced with my nephew which was hard but again she has been greatly supportive & my nephew is gorgeous & I love him to bits.

    I think your situation is a bit harder due to the way she is behaving & I give you credit for not rising to the bait but agree with Jacqui could you not sit her down & explain how lucky she is & that her behaviour is very insensitive considering what you have just been through.

    (sorry for the essay)
    xxxx
  • Hi
    I completely understand how you feel about being around someone who is at a similar stage as you would have been. I have a friend at work who is a couple of weeks behind where I would be in my preg prior to my mmc. She however as been lovely and very considerate. We do talk about her pg and she showed me her scan piccy which was difficult but she understood that I was happy for her.

    I am sorry your relative is being so insensitve and I think you have shown a huge degree of patience dealing with her - but nearly 6 weeks on from my ERPC I have started to tell people what is and what is not acceptable and I think you need to say something. Maybe you and your husband could have a chat with her- telling her you are soo pleased for her but she needs to be aware that although you are both there to support her she also needs to be more senstive and supportive of your situation too.

    Wishing you luck!
  • A couple of months after my erpc my sister in law announced that she was six weeks pregnant. The last time they visited my mil spent the visit telling me how marvellous it was to be having another baby in the family, and how much they are all looking forward to it.

    I find the whole thing total agony. I am resentful and angry that they couldn't have waited for a little bit longer before ttc their second (she must have got her bfp about 3 weeks after my erpc), or at least waited longer before telling us (we don't see them that often so she could have easily waited until her second trimester). I feel like she is rubbing my nose in it by saying "look, see how easy it is to carry a baby passed 12 weeks?" I feel such irrational anger towards her that I'm not sure yet whether I will be able to visit when the baby is born. I have tried being happy for her, and while I'm not UNhappy for her, I would be lying if I said that I am pleased about it. The way I feel makes me feel mean spirited but I can't help it, and I can't stop it.

    So, totally get where you're coming from - you are not alone.

    xxSara
  • I find it really hard. I can't believe how insensitive pregnant people can be towards you. I lost my baby girl(20weeks) in September she wasdue 3 weeks before my close friend. I then started a mmc a fortnight ago. 1 week ago my friend had her baby and her husband who is close friends with oh and knew about both losses had my husband take him and wife to hosp when she was in labour- drive him there for visits - run around getting baby stuff WTF - give us a break it's a double whammy as we should have been doing all that now and have now lost 2! It just really hurts they could be so inconsiderate and the real kick in the teeth is he never even wanted his baby image
    aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggh -
    sorry that's turned into a personal rant but I'm trying to say - I agree people suck
  • Thanks for all your messages ladies. It helps to know I'm not the only one going through it. It's been like torture having to sit there while she goes on about her baby. Especially when everyone joins in and jokes about baby names and the like. Had a very difficult moment the other day in car with mother in law and she was saying how expensive birthdays are getting n running through who was in what months. She mentioned Sil's baby and then came to the month my baby was due and went "yeah, no birthdays that month" I swear I felt like chucking her outta our car...instead I sat there with silent tears pouring down my face thinking how the hell can you say that to me.

    Jacquid- Thanks image.Yeah I did consider sitting down with her and talking about it but I'm not sure if it would really make any difference...I think it would probably make things worse. She has a very short fuse n would most likely tell me I was just trying to take the attention away from her.
    Yeah we are planning on ttc again. We actually are currently still living with my parents. but we viewed a house yesterday and get the keys on monday, so as soon as we're moved in we're hoping to start trying. .....Although I havent had AF since losing my baby and haven't been being very careful. (soo who knows hopefully I'll concieve now that I'm not really trying n putting preassure on).

    Laujai - I wish I could do that! I'd love to just storm out n make them see how much they are hurting me. Sadly though I don't have a great relationship with hubbys family n have been working really hard to try n strengthen it for hubbys sake as he is very close to them. So if I lose control and snap at her its only likely to worsen the situation. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Its suprising how many people can be so insensitive. I'm sorry for all of your losses. It's the most devastating thing I've ever been through and I am still struggling to come to terms with it. I keep thinking what stages I should be at n looking at baby things and knowing that I wont be needing them for a while now. image.

    I think one of the hardest things about Sil's attitude is that I was actually so happy for her when she got pregnant! She'd been trying for a year and was so happy, I even cried with her while we talked about it. I just dont see how she can be so unaware of my feelings after I was there for her through it. When I got pregant I thought it would be great us two being pregnant at the same time n having someone to share it with and she just got angry that the focus wasnt on her. She didnt even want to know when I was due!!

    Sorry for me going on. I'm just a bit stressed. Today is supposed to be a good day as I get to see my brother for the first time in a year and a half (he lives away) and instead its being tainted by the fact I know I'm going to see Sil tonight. xxx
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