Hey hun, I just read your post and im so sorry you are going through this. My OH reacted badly when I told him I was pregnant with my daughter, he also wanted me to have a temination and said he would leave if I didnt. I told him that I was sure that I wanted this baby (even tho it wasnt planned) and that if he didnt want to be a part of it then he could leave & I wouldnt make a fuss about it. I was utterly heartbroken but after a few days he came back, we sat down and talked and he said he wanted to stay. Wasnt till we had the scan at 12 weeks that he started to relax & look forward to our baby arriving & now he is an amazing dad and we have baby no.2 on the way.
I really hope that you can both sort things out, im sending lots of happy thoughts.
My husband doesn't see any other option than a termination. Money is tight but there is things we could do. Much as he might not want to.
I think his shock has been good for mine, granted mine wasn't a severe, it had been in the back of my mind but I was sure the test would be negative.
It has given me the kick up the bum to realise I can't have a term, might not be planned but I want kids & can't throw a baby away because its not a year or 2 later
I had a horrible dream last nite, in dream me & hubby had been well its not bd when ur already pg, but after I started spotting & I was distraught. I woke up in a panic needing to pee, thankfully no spotting in real life but dream showed I want this baby.
Hub has hardly slept last nite, I told him to speak to his mum or I will. Its not fair my folks knowing & his not. Hopefully his mum will tell him straight. Ur a 27 year old man with a good job a 3bed house, kids r in ur future anyway u've made ur bed now lie in it
I have been following your story, I can't believe your hubby is being such a selfish a*sehole, sorry but it needed to be said and I hope you get the love and support you need from your family and friends.
I hope your hubby realises just how mean he is being and that the two of you manage to sort things out hun.
I hope you don't get too stressed out over your hubbys reaction and try to take things easy.
Good luck hun and I hope you enjoy your pregnancy, I know you want this baby and will love it with all your heart.
Hey mrs norden - wow what a week you have had. I think this baby will be a blessing for you two. When he has finally 'come round' im sure he will be embarassed at the way he reacted but i think its the stress talking rather than him. Good luck H x
Thanks for all your support ladies. Lifes very hard at the mo, its not idea & I'm stressed. I hope he comes round, he's not told his folks yet because he knows they will tell him to just get on with it
Im so sorry things arent working out for you, and it is sad that we cant all say the normal things we say when people find out they are expecting.
I just want to say that i wish you (and your little bean) so much health and happyness.
I am very glad that you can go over to your Mums, i hope she is being very supportive for you.
Also, i do understand that your husband is stressed with work and things, but remember you need to keep yourself safe and healthy-and its not being selfish to think like that, its not just for you.
Thanks home fairy, I am trying to be strong for him but our arguement/fight/ discussion just goes round and round. He wants a termination, I don't its a baby to me with a heart beat etc. Don't know what we will do I just keep hoping he'll come round
Hiya love, No offence but he has had a few days to come round now. If he is still set on a term you will just have to be strong and say that you will move to your mums and go it alone. (Even if it is just to call his bluff!) HomeFairy is right you dont need the stress at the moment so it may be best to stay at your mums or a friends for a while to give him some space.
Hi, I'm with mrsallen08, please don't let him or your circumstances force you into a termination. I lost a baby last year and it was heartbreaking, you clearly want this baby and if you went ahead with a termination that wasn't your choice then your grief would be no different to mine. Just make sure you have a clear head and do whats right for you, if that means having a termination then so be it, but it must be your choice. Good luck and I hope you get things sorted soon so that you can either celebrate or mourn your pregnancy xx
I'm sitting outside the docs have an appointment at 9.30 they could have seen me at 9, I have great doctors. Alan isn't coming with me, my mum is. He disappeared out last nite for a drive & only came back at 1am, he's ate nothing but 2 dairylea dunkers since friday. He also hasn't told his mum, as he said he knows what she'll say, buck up ur ideas sorta thing. I have told him he has until 2nite to do it or I will. I get on well with his mum & I don't know what I'd say to her if she was to phone me at the mo. Pains r bad today again, like bad cramp I think it's partly stress. So looking fwd to getting to work & being busy I need it. He says he's not ready for a baby, but will be in a year & a half, when we were supposed to ttc, I think he's just saying that to try and tell me what I want to hear. But I don't see how this baby is different from a baby in a year & a half?
hi, sorry he's still not come round. i'm glad u have ur mum with u, tbh i think ur OH is beginning to act like a child, i acn't believe he hasn't even got the decency to go with u to the doctors. he hasn't told his mum, because he knows what she'll say and he doesn't want to be told he's wrong and being an idiot. i do think that u shld tell her if he doesnt, maybe she can give him the kick up his bum that he needs to pull his finger out and be a grown man, i also think the same as u, how much difference does a yr make? not alot, u've got 9 months until this baby is here so only 3 months short of ttc anyway. sorry i do't want u to think i'm attacking ur OH (ven tho i am lol) but i'm annoyed for u that he's being so selfish in all of this and not thinking of u at all. i agree with dotty jackie, that u shld only make any desicion if its what u want, and do not feel pressure din either direction, an unwanted termination wld probably lead to u resenting him anyway and perhaps splitting, so only go down that route is its what u truely believe is best for u.
re the cramps, they can be something and nothing, most likely its just everything stretching and grwoing in their to make room for that little bean, they did calm down after the first 6-8weeks, and then every now and again wld get them again (obv growth spurts). take things easy, mention any concerns u have to ur doctor (physically nad emotionally) anhd above all try to let it wash over u, i know thats so much easier said than done, but getting stressed really won't do anyone any favurs, least of all u, so if u need to take some time out then go ahead, and by all means go to work and take ur lmind off things but don't over do it. take care xxx
I am so sorry to hear you are going through a stressful time at what should be a special time. Congratulations on your BFP hunny- that was some determined little bean!
I agree with past posters- you clearly want this baby and that is the bottom line. If you were to have a termination, you would regret it and ultimately resent your husband. He is being incredibly selfish at the moment- perhaps it is the shock of all this, as having your first child is admittedly an extremely huge step. He is obviously worried about your health and financial issues-but at the moment, as I am sure you know, he is making things worse not better. I hope he does come around hun, perhaps his parents will give him the kick up the ar5e that he needs. But, if not, you have to put yourself and your little bean first now. You sound like you have a fab mum which is brilliant, lean on her and take one day at a time. You sound really strong dispite what you are going through and a whole look more ballsy then you OH. Take all that strength you have and look after yourself and your little bean,
well just after i posted the above he called & said he was coming to the docs. i thought woo hoo glimmer of hope, not really he just sat sullen.
doc has changed a few of my meds & need bloods done & back in 2 wks to see her again. she says doesnt see me having an major problems. my hubby still isnt convinced.
we had a bit of a spat in the carpark, he has taken today & tomorrow off his work, he went to his mums & told them. he says his parents are being supportiver (to him) and they just want him to be happy & they dont think it's a good idea.
what i dont understand is when is good to have a baby then, im 26 he's 27, we own a house have been in it 3.5yrs, we got married in june, we both work earn a combined wage of ??45k i have no idea to do.
i am shattered i am so tired but i am so tired crying too. i finish work at 5 going home to have a wee rest, hopefully i will wake up & it will be tomorrow.
think i'll take a day off on fri & give myself some time to think
I am not have a termination, that's the end of that now I may be a single parent I don't think that will happen I think the next 6wks will be bad, but I do honestly think he will come round as bad as he is being at the mo My biggest problem is I am living 2 lives at the mo, this awful on with hubby & a slightly excited one with my folks & close friends & family. He is annoyed that so many people know ( my parents, my 3 best friends, my bro & my aunt & uncle) either way I need support if he can't give me it I have to look for it elsewhere I'd rather this was mine & hubbys little secret, but its not I'm not feeling good today & I think its largely stress. Need a good sleep & a few days of busy work to keep me busy. My head tho is full, I am.a natural worrier & planner. I can't stop thinking of everything I need to do & sort out
Hey sweetie I know it doesnt feel like it now but you are at least making progress. Sorting out drs and him telling his parents etc. Okay so its not all good at the moment but at least you have fantastic support from all your family and friends (and all of us on here). As you said yourself there are far worse situations that you and hubby could be in. At least you are married, settled, good jobs etc. Keep busy and focused at work and then pamper yourself in the evenings long baths, face packs, just take care of yourself. Take care x
Hi, I'm so glad you decided you were keeping the baby, thats wonderful news. I din't do it in my last post so I wanted to say "CONGRATULATIONS" to you. I'm sure your hubby will come round, i'm sure the first scan will be a wake up call if he hasn't had one sooner!! All the best Mrs N and have a H&H 9 months xx
I agree with Dotty, seeing his child at your scan should give him the wake up call he needs!
I really hope everything works out the way you want chick but either way your bean needs you so i would just concentrate on relaxing and pampering yourself.
Replies
My OH reacted badly when I told him I was pregnant with my daughter, he also wanted me to have a temination and said he would leave if I didnt. I told him that I was sure that I wanted this baby (even tho it wasnt planned) and that if he didnt want to be a part of it then he could leave & I wouldnt make a fuss about it.
I was utterly heartbroken but after a few days he came back, we sat down and talked and he said he wanted to stay. Wasnt till we had the scan at 12 weeks that he started to relax & look forward to our baby arriving & now he is an amazing dad and we have baby no.2 on the way.
I really hope that you can both sort things out, im sending lots of happy thoughts.
Kirsty
13 weeks+2
I think his shock has been good for mine, granted mine wasn't a severe, it had been in the back of my mind but I was sure the test would be negative.
It has given me the kick up the bum to realise I can't have a term, might not be planned but I want kids & can't throw a baby away because its not a year or 2 later
I had a horrible dream last nite, in dream me & hubby had been well its not bd when ur already pg, but after I started spotting & I was distraught. I woke up in a panic needing to pee, thankfully no spotting in real life but dream showed I want this baby.
Hub has hardly slept last nite, I told him to speak to his mum or I will. Its not fair my folks knowing & his not. Hopefully his mum will tell him straight. Ur a 27 year old man with a good job a 3bed house, kids r in ur future anyway u've made ur bed now lie in it
I have been following your story, I can't believe your hubby is being such a selfish a*sehole, sorry but it needed to be said and I hope you get the love and support you need from your family and friends.
I hope your hubby realises just how mean he is being and that the two of you manage to sort things out hun.
I hope you don't get too stressed out over your hubbys reaction and try to take things easy.
Good luck hun and I hope you enjoy your pregnancy, I know you want this baby and will love it with all your heart.
xx
i have left hubby at home & i've come to my mums & abusing her broadband lol. oh & getting fed! yum
hopefully hubby will come round, he was a bit better before i left we at least kinda had a laugh & a joke.
i said to him at the end of the day, there is a bean brewing, no matter our thoughts its there and thats that
Lifes very hard at the mo, its not idea & I'm stressed.
I hope he comes round, he's not told his folks yet because he knows they will tell him to just get on with it
Im so sorry things arent working out for you, and it is sad that we cant all say the normal things we say when people find out they are expecting.
I just want to say that i wish you (and your little bean) so much health and happyness.
I am very glad that you can go over to your Mums, i hope she is being very supportive for you.
Also, i do understand that your husband is stressed with work and things, but remember you need to keep yourself safe and healthy-and its not being selfish to think like that, its not just for you.
I am trying to be strong for him but our arguement/fight/ discussion just goes round and round.
He wants a termination, I don't its a baby to me with a heart beat etc.
Don't know what we will do
I just keep hoping he'll come round
No offence but he has had a few days to come round now. If he is still set on a term you will just have to be strong and say that you will move to your mums and go it alone. (Even if it is just to call his bluff!)
HomeFairy is right you dont need the stress at the moment so it may be best to stay at your mums or a friends for a while to give him some space.
I'm with mrsallen08, please don't let him or your circumstances force you into a termination. I lost a baby last year and it was heartbreaking, you clearly want this baby and if you went ahead with a termination that wasn't your choice then your grief would be no different to mine. Just make sure you have a clear head and do whats right for you, if that means having a termination then so be it, but it must be your choice. Good luck and I hope you get things sorted soon so that you can either celebrate or mourn your pregnancy xx
Alan isn't coming with me, my mum is. He disappeared out last nite for a drive & only came back at 1am, he's ate nothing but 2 dairylea dunkers since friday.
He also hasn't told his mum, as he said he knows what she'll say, buck up ur ideas sorta thing. I have told him he has until 2nite to do it or I will. I get on well with his mum & I don't know what I'd say to her if she was to phone me at the mo.
Pains r bad today again, like bad cramp I think it's partly stress. So looking fwd to getting to work & being busy I need it.
He says he's not ready for a baby, but will be in a year & a half, when we were supposed to ttc, I think he's just saying that to try and tell me what I want to hear. But I don't see how this baby is different from a baby in a year & a half?
re the cramps, they can be something and nothing, most likely its just everything stretching and grwoing in their to make room for that little bean, they did calm down after the first 6-8weeks, and then every now and again wld get them again (obv growth spurts). take things easy, mention any concerns u have to ur doctor (physically nad emotionally) anhd above all try to let it wash over u, i know thats so much easier said than done, but getting stressed really won't do anyone any favurs, least of all u, so if u need to take some time out then go ahead, and by all means go to work and take ur lmind off things but don't over do it. take care xxx
Mrs Norden,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through a stressful time at what should be a special time. Congratulations on your BFP hunny- that was some determined little bean!
I agree with past posters- you clearly want this baby and that is the bottom line. If you were to have a termination, you would regret it and ultimately resent your husband. He is being incredibly selfish at the moment- perhaps it is the shock of all this, as having your first child is admittedly an extremely huge step. He is obviously worried about your health and financial issues-but at the moment, as I am sure you know, he is making things worse not better. I hope he does come around hun, perhaps his parents will give him the kick up the ar5e that he needs. But, if not, you have to put yourself and your little bean first now. You sound like you have a fab mum which is brilliant, lean on her and take one day at a time. You sound really strong dispite what you are going through and a whole look more ballsy then you OH. Take all that strength you have and look after yourself and your little bean,
Lots of love, really hoping it all works out
xxxxx
Big hugs xxx
well just after i posted the above he called & said he was coming to the docs. i thought woo hoo glimmer of hope, not really he just sat sullen.
doc has changed a few of my meds & need bloods done & back in 2 wks to see her again. she says doesnt see me having an major problems. my hubby still isnt convinced.
we had a bit of a spat in the carpark, he has taken today & tomorrow off his work, he went to his mums & told them. he says his parents are being supportiver (to him) and they just want him to be happy & they dont think it's a good idea.
what i dont understand is when is good to have a baby then, im 26 he's 27, we own a house have been in it 3.5yrs, we got married in june, we both work earn a combined wage of ??45k i have no idea to do.
i am shattered i am so tired but i am so tired crying too. i finish work at 5 going home to have a wee rest, hopefully i will wake up & it will be tomorrow.
think i'll take a day off on fri & give myself some time to think
Its a step in the right direction him going to the doctors with you, take no notice of his parents its your baby, you want it and you keep it!!
Please do not let yourself be bullied into a termination.
xx
I may be a single parent I don't think that will happen I think the next 6wks will be bad, but I do honestly think he will come round as bad as he is being at the mo
My biggest problem is I am living 2 lives at the mo, this awful on with hubby & a slightly excited one with my folks & close friends & family. He is annoyed that so many people know ( my parents, my 3 best friends, my bro & my aunt & uncle) either way I need support if he can't give me it I have to look for it elsewhere I'd rather this was mine & hubbys little secret, but its not
I'm not feeling good today & I think its largely stress.
Need a good sleep & a few days of busy work to keep me busy.
My head tho is full, I am.a natural worrier & planner. I can't stop thinking of everything I need to do & sort out
I know it doesnt feel like it now but you are at least making progress. Sorting out drs and him telling his parents etc. Okay so its not all good at the moment but at least you have fantastic support from all your family and friends (and all of us on here).
As you said yourself there are far worse situations that you and hubby could be in. At least you are married, settled, good jobs etc.
Keep busy and focused at work and then pamper yourself in the evenings long baths, face packs, just take care of yourself.
Take care x
I'm so glad you decided you were keeping the baby, thats wonderful news. I din't do it in my last post so I wanted to say "CONGRATULATIONS" to you. I'm sure your hubby will come round, i'm sure the first scan will be a wake up call if he hasn't had one sooner!! All the best Mrs N and have a H&H 9 months xx
wake up call he needs!
I really hope everything works out the way you want chick but either way your bean needs you so i would just concentrate on relaxing and pampering yourself.
Good luck!