Freaking out.

I got married last August and ever since about October I've been broody, lurking on here, cooing over babies and feeling completely ready to start a family. My hubby and I agreed to wait until 2012 because by then we will have paid off our wedding loan and car loan so would be ??600 better off a month and (because I'm a techer) my wages would have increased by ??4 and a bit K . Anyway my cousin came to visit at the weekend with her 3 year old boy and her newborn baby. The 3 year old was great and so much fun, the baby was a bit of a handful - he's suffering from reflux so is really colicy and was not very happy. I found the baby quite overwhelming but thought, not to worry we've got a couple more years to understand how babies work. Then last night, completely out of the blue my hubby turned around and told me he wants a baby. I was really shocked and quite taken aback to the point where I didn't sleep last night because things like maternity pay and monthly wages and whether I was truely ready etc were going round and round in my head. I totally panicked. Now I can't decide if I panicked because I'm not really ready or if I panicked because of the financial side of things. I'm not sure what words of wisdom people can give me or what I really expect from posting this but just felt I needed to write it all down.

Thanks for listening.


  • hello

    i think the most important thing to do is to sit down with hubby and have a good chat about how you both feel about it, it is a big financial change but also a massive emotional journey too with so many changes to you, everthing about you life changes, i never imagined before having my son that my world would be so turned upside down,

    is there anything you want to do before having a baby, they are the most amazing addition but they limit what you will be a able to do after they come along, even with a big support network, you have to become very selfless. and even a meal with friends can become quite a challenge to orgainise!

    one thing i would say is to have a look at your finances and how you would cope with a reduced income, if you wouldnt be able to pay the bills then its probably best to wait until you have nearly paid the loans.

  • Hi Piggypops,

    Thanks so much for your reply i really appreciate.

    On your advise hubby and I did have a pretty indepth chat which has made me feel so much better. We sat down and worked out money including how much maternity pay I would get and it was surprisingly positive so that also helped me feel better.

    So we've decided that we are going to start trying by being "unsafe" rather than calculating ovulation and monitoring things etc and just see how things go.

    Thanks so much you really helped me feel better about everything.

  • I dont think there is ever a 'right' time for starting a family, we never worried about money we just new we wanted a baby and that the rest would sort itself out. DS is now 18 months old and we are about to start ttc no.2.
    We are by no means well off, you just have to be careful about where your money goes. The supermarkets always have baby stuff on special and i never really spend much on clothes for myself anymore as I dont have the need, its not like i need lots of nice clothes for going out cos we dont go out much as we have a toddler and its hard to get babysitters.
    I agree with piggypops I would def think about stuff you want to do before you have a baby, a nice holiday just the 2 of you, meals out, drinking!
    I dont miss drinking but it is nice to go out for a nice meal every now and again and have a few glasses of wine when our son is with his grandparents for the night and have a sleep in,
    oh have as many lie ins as you can before you get pregnant lol!!
    Sleep is now a luxury lol.
    Hope I havent scared you now but just wish someone had said to me to make the most of the time before you have a child as your life is never the same again, but in a good way!
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