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Hello White Owl. Thanks for your comment, and your question: it's a great one! Most of those who advocate the controlled crying technique would say you shouldn't pick your baby up once you've gone back in but you should wait until she's settled. Obviously, if your daughter won't settle unless you pick her up, that's a bit tricky! You could try leaning over her cot, saying soothing words and maybe even stroking her head or gently patting her tummy – without actually picking her up – and see if that will settle her enough to stop the crying.If it doesn't, then you're faced with leaving when she's still crying (but not super-distressed) or trying one of the 'no-cry' methods referred to in our article, such as pick-up-put-down or gradual retreat. Both of these may take longer to 'work' than controlled crying but you may feel they're better suited to your daughter.Good luck! Do let us know how you get on.
We tried the 1st night attempting to sooth her without picking her up but it really wasn't working, she wasn't settling at all. last night we tried picking her up just to get her to stop the crying and screaming and then putting her down and continued with the waiting to go back in times and she settled herself a lot quicker than I thought she would. We are going to continue that way and see how we get on. thank you for your reply