O/T

VixV · Jun 22, 2011 2:28PM

Hi ladies,

Hope you and lo are doing well.

i just came on here really to get your advise well really to see how you would feel in my situation.

I found out tonight that my brother who is getting married next year is not inviting DS. I am very upset about this and think that as he is his nephew he should be there although i could understand if he did nt want other children their and if it was anyone elses wedding such as a friend or cousin i wouldnd expect DS to be asked. I just feel that as a nephew its a wedding that our little boy should be able to go to. Am i being unresonable?

xx

piggypops · Jun 16, 2011 5:21PM

as its a family wedding i think its a bit harsh, who does he think is going to be looking after him if all the family are there?

we had a friends wedding last week where DS wasnt invited which ment i only stayed for the ceremony and meal and dashed off to pick him up from a friend, we had no childen at our wedding with the exeption of close familys childen, more so as all the people who could look after them would have been there anyway

VixV · Jun 17, 2011 2:07AM

exactly my point, me M/FIL may be free to have him but other than them we wouldnt leave him with any of Hubbys other family members as he just doesnt know them well enough.

I think i will try and speak to my brother today and tell him that i am very upset about this situation and want to make it clear that it is a shame that he doesnt want DS there. We will see what happens. I find it very hard to talk to them about problems ect as I dont get on with his other half.

Thanks for your response certainly has made me feel better and that i am not over reacting.

littlelyns · Jun 17, 2011 3:41AM

Awww I'd be really sad if my daughter couldn't b involved!! It's a family day and all the pictures that would be taken without her well I just wouldn't feel right about it at all! Has he specifically said no to him coming or just missed him off the invite...I'd probably just take my DD anyway! xxxx

Cas1980 · Jun 17, 2011 4:26AM

That's so sad! When we got married we had 3children there, my OH's niece and two nephews but banned other children, which made one friend very unhappy, my auntie got pissed off with me and one friend didn't come because she couldn't get a babysitter! But I wasn't prepared to pay for another 10 kids which would have meant another table which would have meant our venue wasn't big enough!

My brother and sister-in-law are getting married next year and have my DS as paige boy, he was the first position they chose!

It's very sad that your brother is not embracing his nephew like mine is, and i wonder if he'll regret it. Maybe you could ask that your DS goes to the ceremony and reception but then your in-laws pick him up before the evening?

MrsMafiaPrincess · Jun 17, 2011 12:01PM

To be honest I don't understand teh no chikldren at wedding rule. We had loads as I see them as an extension of my friends and family and I couldn't have excluded them. They were all a joy to have there.

However, every wedding i've been to this year has had a no children rule. I'm going to one in october when the baby will be 8 weeks old and I said to my friend that I respected that it was her wedding etc but we wouldn't be able to go as I couldn't leave an 8 week old baby. She totally agreed and said we could bring him.

My sister is gettong married next year and i'd feel very hurt if my son was excluded from such a big family event as though he wasn't part of the family (although sure that's not their intentio, prob not thought). If my bbay was excluded from my sisters wedding i'd prob not go as i'd have nobody to leave him with as they'd all be at teh wedding!

I think you have every reason to feel hurt. Perhaps just have a word with your brother and explain how you feel and see what he says?xx

mrsallen08 · Jun 18, 2011 8:30AM

i do understand the no children rule for friends and colleagues. Getting married is expensive enough without having to feed everyone's kids and keep them entertained too but family and close family especially is different! Definitely have a word chick, Hope you get something sorted x

VixV · Jun 18, 2011 9:42AM

Hi

I spoke with my brother and explained to him that I was very upset by his decsision (not to get him to change his mind but to get it of my chest) also told him that if DS didnt go then we may not have been able to as I will only leave himm with Mil (he doesnt know any of Dh family well enough). My brother explained that he was welcome to come to the evening do and I said that we were planning on leaving him with someone for that part so that we could let our hair down. brother basically said it was fine if we couldnt make it, V hurtfull person since meeting his future wife. i spoke to my mum and dad (they are paying for the wedding) who had already had a conversation about children not going to the wedding to which my dad had replied he is my only grandchild and he IS going! Both parents feel very strongly that my little man should be there, mum spoke to brother and has has told him ds is going and is he makes any noise i will take him out of the church to a close family friend who will be waiting outside so i dont have to miss the service. luckily he agreed, although not sure if he had much choice! Mum said if they didnt agree then she would have just taken him in! I have since found out that brother and his future wives best friends children have been invited age 12 and 15. needless to say if DS had not been there and they had I would have just walked out the church!

Thanks for reading i know its a long rant.

Families eh!!!!!

xx

piggypops · Jun 18, 2011 5:30PM

glad its all sorted, lucky your parents are paying gives them a lot of say x

Artysmam · Jun 18, 2011 5:52PM

Sounds like your brother is marrying a lovely woman! I'm glad that everything is sorted for you now! My cousin is getting married next year and has said no children, except family! I understand the no children rule (although I did not follow it) but rules should be different for family

Members!

I'm sure if it was his wife to be blood nephew he would be invited!

Good luck to them both, perhaps one day when they have children ov their own someone might do this to them! Xx

MrsMafiaPrincess · Jun 19, 2011 11:37AM

It was a pleasure to feed my friends children at my wedding. We had less people, ceratinly not colleagues, to make sure they would be actively included rather than tolerated. The way I saw it was I wanted to treat my guests how i'd want to be treated myself with a child.

I can see why you're so hurt by your brother and maybe when he has a small child and someone is so vile to him he'll get it. But then you don't have to have children to have a bit of decency and consideration.

I'm so glad your parents are supportive and fully get where you're coming from. Did he seriously think you'd let your son just sit there wailing throughout the ceremony?! Good on your parents for standing firm. Perhaps if this wife wants to be bridezilla she should pay for her own wedding like most other people!x

VixV · Jun 19, 2011 3:14PM

Thanks for all of your replies ladies, makes me feel alot better that its not me being petty!

His future wife is not the nicest person in the world, and to think i had her as my bridesmaid 2 years ago to be nice, ha!

xx

_mummy2grace_ · Jun 20, 2011 1:57PM

pre having my dd I wanted my wedding to be child free and ended up having a row with the inlaws when BIL announced they were expecting and they insisted baby be invited (after I'd made it clear no kids would be invited). It caused massive issues for about a week- in the end several babies came as my bridesmaid got pregnant and another friend lol. Please dont be too hard on their decision, when you're planning a wedding it is the most important thing in your minds and you have an image of exactly how it should be. I only made my original decision on the back of going to a wedding which had to be postponed 2 hours because the bride and grooms baby screamed and screamed (it was horrifying blood curdling as well)!! I would deffo not go down the ultimatum route - the bride probs doesnt have children/has no experiance of them and she will think what she wants on that day is THE most important thing and to be fair to a degree it is. I reckon if you go directly to her and just say its made you really sad etc etc and explain how well behaved your lo is etc you may get further than your mum and dad causing ructions before the weddings even begun.

Not trying to play devils advocate but I know that when it was demanded of me that my nephew (who at the time hadnt been born) was invited it made me dig my heels in even more, BIL really nicely explaining his predicament to me melted my heart tbh lol

Oh and all 4 of the babies cried in church and all 4 were taken out lol with their mums missing the wedding they were so keen for their babies to attend!! x

MrsMafiaPrincess · Jun 22, 2011 12:01PM

I just think it just depends on where you're coming from. My friend was due 3 weeks before our wedding and I was actually so touched that she made the huge effort to come when I'm sure she'd have rather been at home in her pj's. Becauuse of that it made me wantto make such an effort for her. I had a room in the hotel for her to bf as I knew she was self conscious, had a place for the pram to go round the table and an allocated parking space for her to make it easier on them.

They were so appreciative and took bubs out when she cried but really enjoyed rest of the wedding. I'm of the firm view that you should treat people how you want to be treated or it will come back to bite you on the bum!x

_mummy2grace_ · Jun 22, 2011 2:07PM

snap Mafia Princess my bridesmaid had her 3 week old at my wedding lol

!! I think it can be hard for those without children/no experiance of kids to realise they are the centre of our world and that they dont just cry all the time! I had my dd christened on sunday and after the baptism hubby had to take her to the church playroom cos she was bored and shouting dadadada at the top of her lungs lol I seriously think if we were invited to a wedding I might find a way to spare her the boredom of the church service! Its fine for a newborn who sleeps a lot but for older babies they dont understand they have to sit quietly x

Cas1980 · Jun 22, 2011 2:28PM

I took my son to my friends wedding when he was just two weeks old. We asked if we could bring him, and she said yes so long as if he cried we'd take him out. During the service he slept the whole way through, whilst all the other children ran riot. He even got a mention in the groom's speech for being the best behaved baby!! We then took to my in laws so we could relax a bit!

O/T

Replies

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content