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Rough toddler with newborn!

Hi all,

Looking for some advice/reassurance! Not sure if I'm being an overly protective, paranoid first time mum or if I have a legitimate reason to worry!!

My best friend is coming over to see our 5 week old baby and is bringing her toddler along. Her little girl obviously means no harm but is extremely rough with newborns (we have mutual friends with babies). She'll want to cuddle them and then suddenly switch to literally smacking them in the face. My friend tries her best to control her but obviously accidents happen. My friend will want to hold the baby and that's what worries me, as I won't be in control!! 

Its a bit of a sensitive topic as my friend gets quite upset and down about her toddler being a bit out of control, and really does do everything she can to avoid such situations.

So I guess my question is, can a toddler do any substantial damage to a small baby?! And I guess it's something I can't avoid/shouldn't cancel? I suffer from clinical anxiety and I literally can't stop worrying about this!


  • I can totally understand where you're coming from and don't think you're over reacting at all. How's about you cradle the baby in your own arms, and lay your arms in the toddlers for a quick minute. If you don't think you can get away with that, sit the toddler right next to you, let her hold the baby for a moment, and then take her away. 

    I know how uncomfortable these situations can be (why can't we just say NO!) as you want to do the right thing/kind thing, but after all this is your new baby, and as much as it might pain you to do so, you could just brush off the holding altogether with a 'she's been a bit unsettled, maybe hold her later' and then make sure later never comes. 

    Please do let me know how it goes, and as someone who also suffers with anxiety too, try not to panic - it's a big situ in your head, but hopefully won't play out that way. x 

  • So I had a 2year 8 month old and a newborn baby we were so worried that he would be heavy handed with his new brother but we let him hold him while we held the baby too so basically told him to put his hands by his side on his lap and we would place baby onto his lap making sure his arms were under ours that way if he tried to do any sudden movements we could take baby away. 

    I read in the news maybe 3 days ago that an old man punched a 5 day old baby in the face!!! and said sorry thought it was a doll, the baby is ok but was taken to hospital. So I'm sure if anything does happen it's not going to cause to much damage and maybe just have a crying baby for a while. Sorry I know it's probably not the thing u want to hear it's ur new baby but that is if the toodler is heavy handed and hits out. Maybe if u talk to her and say right milly or whatever her name is u can hold her but we have to be very careful with a baby we don't want to hurt baby do we? If we hurt baby will cry and be sad and then u can't hold baby anymore ok?See if she listens to u maybe she will as ur not her mum telling her what to do. Very hard situation because obviously u want ur friends to see ur baby and have cuddles aswell also maybe let the little one hold her first so she isn't jealous 

  • Thanks so much both for your kind replies!

    Mrsg14 - you're so right about how anxiety turns things into a big issue in your head and usually pan out ok. So hopefully will all be fine! I may well do that about saying he's unsettled!

    Kyriex2 - funny you should mention that horrible news story, as I actually read it and did think that then surely a toddler can't cause too much damage. It's just when they seem so fragile, you know?! That's really great advice - thanks!

  • I'd sit very close to her if you know she won't listen to her mom if she were to do anything. It's your little one at the end of the day of it would cause distress to you both if anything were to happen.

    On my first day out of hospital I had all the cousins coming over at once!!! (Baby was 3 days old) Ages ranging from 3-14. And there was 6 of them. I was really nervous as it was my first born and I know how hyperactive children can be. But it went really good. I was sat back a little (constantly watching) couldn't take my eyes of little baba. And one of the mothers were sat in front of the child that was holding her. ( it was like pass the parcel) all of them sat in a row lol.

    That's all happened with us is the littlest of the cousin kept stoking her head. But she was told to straight not to and she listened but she "liked feeling her soft head lol) 

    But if you notice your friends girl getting bored or anything just say right my turn for cuddles now. Or say mammy turn for cuddles before she starts to cry  and pass her to your friend. Hope it goes OK for you in the end.

    All the best 


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