Worried I'll be too possessive

Hi all

Baby Angus is due in 6-weeks and I keep having these visions about family and friends holding the baby and the visions aren't good! I keep seeing myself not wanting to let go of Angus and getting myself all worked up when other people are holding him, in case they aren't holding him 'properly'!

Did anyone have this and how did you deal with it - so I can try and prepare!

Everyone wants to hold the baby don't they but I have this feeling I will be a Mum who just can't stand it!!!

Joo xxx
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  • I am extremely easy going unpossesive person however i hate it when baby is passed around and i have upset ppl but i just dont allow it. when they are new born (which is when most ppl want to visit) they sleep loads so always used the excuse 'i dont want to wake him' then as i was bf they cldnt help there then it only left dirty nappies and most ppl dont want to do that.

    Dont get me wrong i dont mind close family friends holding him but when world and his wife wants to manhandle him i just say no. i prob sound like a complete b!tch. (also wont let ppl kiss my kids, i remember being forced to give aunt uncle kiss and i think its ugghhh so i taught my boys to shake hands from 8 months lol)

    anyway hope he has perked up?

    xxDBxx
  • joo- i was the same before i had Isaac, it was so worried i didn't sleep and cried about it all the time. i thought i was going to be this crazy mum- who wouldn't even my oh hold him. but you know what as soon he was born i chilld out, i wanted ppl to hold him- so they could see how amazing he is!!!
  • i was exactly the same as water baby, i really stressed about this before jack was born and said i didn't want family etc coming to the hospital straight away cos i wanted time to bond with jack and all that stuff, anyhow once we and oh had had a couple of hours with him on our own i was like 'where is everyone, don't they want to see him'. i couldn't wait to show him off and didn't mind people holding him at all. the only thing that did bother me tho was when i was trying to get him into a bedtime routine and everyone wanted to pass him round at 7 o clock at night it made him really unsettled so i had to put my foot down there.

    its funny i think when you are pregnant you get all these thoughts on how you are going to feel and how you'll do this and not do that and now jack's here i really do just go with the flow. i had said he wasn't staying over at grandparents until he was 1 year old and now i'm like get yourself off - ha ha, not all the time like but is definitely good to have a break. x
  • i was exactly the same with both of mine. The worst bit was when lo would be crying and they thought they could keep them and settle her/him themselves! that use to make my blood boil! :x

    Obviously i had to let them hold them because he/she was their granddaughter/grandson etc.... But when i really couldn't handle it anymore i'd say they need feeding (when breastfeeding this is easy even if baby isn't crying because you can feel yourself that you want to feed them by your breasts filling to popping lol). Both of mine were also big cryers and didn't like anyone but mummy or daddy so when they started i'd just take them and say i'd settle her/him then give them back but once i'd got them to sleep i would lay her/him down and everyone knew that he/she was not allowed to be touched then until she/he was awake. lol

    I'm fine now though and pass her away. lol.

    Sorry about all the he/she's and her/him's. lol. I've got a boy and girl. lol

    Lisa xxx
  • I'm really bad!! infact mil hasn't had a cuddle for wks, she doesn't ask and I don't offer.....! Her lookout really :lol:
  • I was (and AM) terribly possessive, in fact I'm only coming out the other end of it in the last few months and Lo's 10 months! I regret it now, but it was hormones....It is hard when 1 minute they are YOURS and the next, everyone wants a turn....
  • I'm quite happy for other people to hold Archie, as I thought I would be. It's him that doesn't like it. (Stanger anxiety i think) So I it's either me ot hubby who ends up holding him and so it seems like we're possesive.
    But I'm also guilty of telling my mum, sister, in-laws how/how not to hold him feed him etc. My mum gets frustrated with me "I have held babies before you know " And I always respond " well you're not holding mine like he likes to be held"
    But he's happy, healthy and well loved by all so a little bit of possesiveness won't do any harm. Don't worry. Just try to enjoy it. S x
  • I had exactly the same thoughts when I was pregnant, and the inlaws can be a bit in your face so I laid down the law from early on. No picking up sleeping baby, no passing hte baby around..its a baby not a pass the parcel game etc etc. Fortunately my mum agrees on not picking up sleeping babies and all that so at least I didn't have 2 sets of grandparents getting hte hump. I also refused visitors for a week - good job really as I was quite poorly and I'd do the same again if I had another baby.

    You might find once lo is here that you'll be happy for people to hold him, but if you want him back then take him back - he's yours after all. I did that on more than one occasion whether people liked it or not - breastfeeding definately has the advantage there too as its a good reason to get rid of people or go hide upstairs, and a good reason to take lo back. I found it hard having people hold him when he was small, I was still quite poorly and had all the grandparents in the hospital at once and my brother and 2 bil's (consideration for the ill person anyone!!) and mil was holding him really possessively like and I was so so twitchy, but i let her for hubbys sake- fortunately now she's stopped with the horrible slobbery kisses as that was hideous.

    You definately have to be ready to stick up for what you are comfortable with when it comes to people around your lo... when cole was only 3 months old, the inlaws were visiting and they waited till i'd nipped into a shop to get the pram off hubby (which annoyed me) and then mil tried to wander off with the pram so i followed her (over my dead body was anyone taking him out of my sight) so she stopped.

    Um..that went into a kind of ramble.. I guess what I'm trying to say is try not to worry about it now, but just be prepared to stand up to people and dictate what happens with your lo. Is your oh on side with what you want, so that he can be prepared to speak up for you if you aren't feeling so good?

  • You will be fine hun, its normal to be like that. With Tegan i didnt mind people holding her if she was awake but i could not stand people picking her up without asking, or if she was asleep or if she was happy with someone and someone else saying "let me have a hold, ive not got a hold yet" as though she was a bloody teddy bear. If your not happy with someone holding your bay then take him/her back. i used to, although it annoyed many family members, i also wouldnt let them pick tegan up if she was happy to be in her bouncer or playmat, as i didnt want her to be held constantly and getting used to it, as once the visitors stop you are buggered if your lo doesnt like being put down. ahh sorry have rambled on there. whooopsy xx
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