Desperately unhappy baby.. and mum!!

spenandlyns · Apr 16, 2007 6:51AM

Just wondered if anyone had some advice out there. I have a beautiful 20 week old girl who is just a pain in the whatsit during the day!! She absolutely 100% refuses to nap and I've been trying her every day in her cot for weeks. After much protest I can often get her down in the morning (about 2 hours after woken up) but then after about 20 minutes she is screaming and completely uncontrollable. I will try and soothe her with dummy and snudgie blanket but eventually have to pick her up, bring her downstairs and play with her but she goes mental and is screaming and thrashing about as still really tired. She will then eventually go to sleep in my arms and the afternoon nap is a no go unless in pushchair. I'm at my wits end as back at work soon and really worried about mother in law looking after her and how she'll get on at nursery as they won't have time to hold her for 2 hours to sleep! Strange thing is, she goes to bed at 7.30 pm wide awake with NOTHING to pacify her except blanket and goes to sleep! So why does she not go down in the day?

madsbellsngeorge · Feb 9, 2007 5:34PM

Hi, I have exactly the same my daughter is 15 weeks now and she is a beautiful sleeper of a night-time but is a right madame during the day, she never seems happy falls asleep for 10 minute here and there but is moany and cries alot. It can be really frustrating but to top it off my eldest who is 2 next month is worse, she does not sleep during the day, she does not eat and she refuses to sleep alll night we have her up every hour. I have been pulling my hair out and got quite down about it lately but I think a lot of that is a lot to do with the lack of sleep. When my eldest was a baby she was lovely and always settled but my youngest just doesnt want to. She feeds and feeds she was feeding 9oz every 2 hours, so my hv got me to wean her a little, as her weight gain was really high too. She has settled a bit better since then but is still always hungry. I am scared about pnd as I got the baby blues after first with a difficult labour but had a lovely labur experiance this time and was hoping things would be different. Its just hard when you feel like no-one understands.

Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxx

spenandlyns · Feb 9, 2007 6:10PM

Oh god, I thought I was the only one! I am worried that I'm getting PND too - I have a boy who's nearly 4 and he wasn't the best baby but you forget all that don't you! My husband also has 2 boys from his first marriage so she was a very wanted little girl but now I wish I'd had twin boys or something as I reckon boys are easier! Sounds like we've both got little monkeys! You're not from the Midlands area are you - if only you were and we could meet up and scream! My mail is spenandlyns@blueyonder.co.uk so please, please, please if you crack the no-sleep then please email me and let me know. Also let me know how you get on with weaning as I'm rubbish at it so putting it off but maybe it's the way forward! I've also got mother in law from hell who keeps lecturing and telling me to "let her cry" and "you're spoiling her" so that makes me more anxious as she's supposed to be having her for one day when I'm at work but we've mentioned putting her into nursery for 1/2 the day as don't think milaw would cope. Good luck you and if you ever feel really down just email as you're not alone. Have you tried controlled crying with your 2 year old? We had to do that with my son when he was about 2 and it really did work. We also got him a special lamp which we put on a timer (6.30 am to begin then gradually made it later and later) and we told him that he had to stay in bed till the light turned on unless he needed a wee and hey presto it worked and still does!! He went from the worst sleeper (in bed with us most nights!) to the best! If I think of anything else I'll drop you a line on this thread. Also worth a reward chart or no videos / special video on when she wakes? xxx

spenandlyns · Feb 9, 2007 6:18PM

Lollylou - a thought. My little one was on SMA Gold after being breastfed and was hungry all the time. I spoke to a few people and was frequently told the same that SMA doesn't fill babies up (even White) and to either try Cow and Gate or Aptamil. I switched to Cow and Gate and she was bit better but now on Cow and Gate 2nd milk and she only has 4 8oz bottles a day so must be filling her up now!xx

dawnie359 · Feb 9, 2007 6:50PM

hi can i join the my baby wont sleep in the day club, Mine is only nine weeks old, and I feel a bit mean for moaning about him (it's not just girls) coz he's got his nighttimes down brilliantly but is just a nightmare in the day and I wouldn't mind only I think he is'nt very happy and isn't eating well coz of it. He tells me he's hungry but when I give him his bottle he either falls asleep on it straight away or is so worked up he can't calm himself down enough to drink properly either gulping it down madly and making himself cough and splutter or just crying round the bottle but then screaming when I take it away. The only place he'll sleep ins in his pram when being walked around, even then he wakes if i pause anywhere and will still cry if gets too hungry even though he cant manage a feed. He will sleep for a matter of a few minutes in your arms, but if you put him down in his pram in the house (which is where he happily had his daytime naps up until a few weeks ago) he will just scream. I have even tried leaving him to scream and he will tire himself out enough to fall asleep eventually but will only sleep long enough to regain the energy for another screaming session (15 mins tops). I dont want to put him down in his moses basket which is where he sleeps at nihght in our room for his daytime naps coz I don't want to mess up his nighttime routine by confusing him and I'm reluctant to try his cotbed coz I dont want to cause a problem for myself down the line when I want him to accept that as his nighttime sleeping place but I dont know wether to try and worry about later later.

lynn_p · Feb 10, 2007 6:25AM

hi girls have any of you tried one of the swings or vibrating bouncy chairs my daughter was the same and i was at my whits end UNTILL my hubby fell over our old bouncer and broke it so i made him buy a vibrating one best thing he ever done fall over the chair

madsbellsngeorge · Feb 10, 2007 6:39AM

She has a vibrating chair but doesnt seem to like it, I got my eldest daughters walkers out though and she loved it, she likes being in the upright position and site really well for a 15 week old, she is tall too so she moves it which is quite funny. I am finding the only thing that really settles her now is to keep changing where she is and not to keep her in one place for too long. Its working for now hopefully it will last for a little while. She has just tired herself out in the walker and has slept for a little while so fingers crossed.
xxxx

lynn_p · Feb 10, 2007 6:42AM

is there not an age limit for those walkers

madsbellsngeorge · Feb 10, 2007 7:51AM

They are normally six months, but I only ever put her in their for 5 minutes with me holding her, the one we ot too doesnt move its just a bouncing music centre. x

lynn_p · Feb 10, 2007 9:15AM

hey cool as long as it keeps her happy eh how is she being today

spenandlyns · Feb 10, 2007 4:12PM

Hi Dawnie - maybe we're all expecting our little ones to do too much too soon???!!! I've just joined Weightwatchers so I guess all this walking round the streets will help me lose my babyweight whilst giving her a sleep!! I just hate her being so miserable and her crying all the time, i just feel awful for her. Oh well, at least we all know now that we're not alone!

dawnie359 · Feb 10, 2007 4:31PM

Yeah I keep thinking the walking must be doing me some good but I still cant fit into my pre pregnancy jeans. Had a bit of a breakthrough today got him to sleep in his pram in the house for a whole hour this morning. He had already been in there for an hour first though grizzing and throwing a paddy but not out and out screaming which is really good for him. I know it sounds awful but there are some days when I'm just glad to get him to bed so I can relax. I really don't wnat to feel that way I want to be enjoying my little boy growing up and more importantly for him to enjoy it. I feel really guilty coz I think he might be happier if I was more patient and got stressed less but I find it hard. he gets on great with his dad coz he is so laid back but I have him all day when dad is at work. I am so looking forward to the next three days as hubby is off.

spenandlyns · Feb 11, 2007 5:01PM

I'm exactly the same - I so want to enjoy her but we've been to my auntie's today and all she did was cry! My mum had her, she screamed, my aunty walked round the house and she screamed. She was so tired but wouldn't have it. She was ok-ish when she came back to me then was all smiles for daddy!! Wish I didn't get stressed but you can't help it. There is light at the end of the tunnel though... hopefully!

evstone · Feb 11, 2007 5:34PM

Hi Ladies,

This is my first chat room post so be gentle with me but I have found some things helpful in settling my 9 week old son in the day and at night. I know he is a little younger than some of your little angels but I really found that the following things really work with him.
To calm him down when he is having a tantrum, i put him in a baby swing. I honestly thought that this was a waste of money when my mother in law turned up with it as a surprise present but i dont know what i would do without it. If he wont calm in the swing, I know he is either tired or hungry because he just loves the movement of it and will sit and nap in it for quite a while.
He doesnt really sleep in the morning but will have a long nap in the afternoon and i put him in his cot for this nap. This is fine for me because although he is not sleeping in the mornings, i am getting the afternoon to myself. It is also getting him used to his cot in his room, instead of the moses basket in our room at night. For this nap i swaddle him which i find is the key to getting him to sleep soundlly. I also turn on a lullaby toy which plays gentle songs for 10 minutes and then stops. If the baby cries, it automatically starts up again but if he continues to cry, i go in to his room, pick him up and give him a cuddle and then put him back down again. This seems to really settle him and he normally sleeps for about 3-4 hours.
At night, again is the swaddling.
I really found the book "The Baby Whisperer" helpful. I wouldnt spend the money on it, but if you could rent it from the library the basic principles in there are really good. It does have a routine, but i have chosen to ignore that and just use sections of the advice (like the swaddling etc..) which have really helped us.
I hope that this helps you too and that your little angels dont give you too much grief.

Grace_and_Ruby · Feb 11, 2007 5:38PM

Hi,
My daughter is 16weeks and will only tend to sleep in the morning if I hold her, I can sometimes put her in the bouncy chair, but she will wake after 10mins or so, she refuses to go in her cot during the day, but is fine at night. I can get her to have an hour's sleep in the afternoon, as long as I take her out in the pram. As soon as my partner comes home, she is all smiles and cuddles and takes her bottle straight off! I will speak to my partner on the phone or via text during the day to say what a pain she is, he comes home and asks what was I talking about!

madsbellsngeorge · Feb 12, 2007 6:56AM

Hi all sorry I havnt been on my hubby been away working all weekend and what a difference. Bless him, he does nothing wrong dotes on the girls but works funny hours, and I never seem to be rude with him but the girls settle so much better when he isnt here, I dont know where they are not upset when he is in and out or what, or I am just in a different frame of mind because I know it is just me and I just have to get on with it. Its so strange and I feel so bad for him, anyway he was home last night and guess what back to the same old, 2 year old up all night and baby monaing this morning. Right I will stop rambling on about that but I just wondered if anyone else experiances the same? What I did come on to say is that, I have found a solution for know anyway. I have been forcing myself to get the girls out, just for a walk each day for about half hour, both of them end up sleeping and they are so much better in the afternoons now, which is a big step for my 2 year old as she wasnt really sleeping at all. I dont know if this will help anyone, I just got to try and keep at it now. Before I only went out wehn we needed to as I was finding it difficult taking the 2 out, but got over that fear now and they seem a lot better. God I have rambled probably about a load of old rubbish, but anythings better than putting on a peppa pig or a fifi voice for my daughter.

Good luck sorry if I have bored you all
xxxxxxxxxxx

spenandlyns · Feb 12, 2007 4:57PM

Hi evstone - your tips sound great. I have been thinking about investing in a swing - could I ask which one you've got? A walk in the afternoon sounds like a good idea but I have a 4 year old who wouldn't be too keen on walking the streets for no good reason! I got him to walk to our local town this morning and she napped a bit but still not great.

evstone · Feb 13, 2007 4:20PM

Hi spenandlyns

The baby swing i have is made by Graco, but as it was a gift i dont really know any more than that. I have found the Toys R Us website really good for baby gear (in the Babies R us section) and i have seen some some baby swings on there aswell - some with little toys accross the front which would be great for your 20 week old as she probably needs amusing as well! I also think they have a sale on so it might be worth a look.
With the afternoon nap, again i cant recommend swaddling enough. I thought my son hated it so when i got him out of hospital i stopped doing but when i started doing it again, he really settled better with it. the other thing is that my son will always cry a few minutes after i have put him down. I always go in and pick him up, give him a cuddle and settle him and put him back in his cot. He sleeps fine then - almost as if he just needs to know i am there before he goes off to sleep!
Every baby is different though! and it must be hard for you guys that have another little one around as well.... Cant imagine how much hard work that is!
Hope everything goes well for you....

Murtal · Mar 30, 2007 11:39AM

i have a 11 month old who still won't go to sleep with out us being there day or night, then some one lent me a freedom sling and wow!!!
I f she can't sleep now I put her in it and carry her around for 5 mins. It carms her down and means I'm not having to hold her so my arms are free to do other things. once she calms i can take her out and put her into bed hey presto she's asleep!! I just wished I found one of these at the begining.:\)

samhaw · Mar 30, 2007 1:58PM

Think i may have to try one of those Murtal, my little one is just over 6 months now and hates sleeping in the day and wakes a few times in the night still as well!!

nurr · Apr 2, 2007 10:04AM

I got the same problem..during the day my little man will only sleep if we push him in his pram all around the house...sometimes we have to do it for 15 minutes until he falls a sleep but it worth it !

Desperately unhappy baby.. and mum!!

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