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All went downhill!
in Baby
Hi all, my first post... I'm Kerry, had Oscar in September '07.
I planned to have lo vaginally, breast feed and generally go with nature.
Lo was 4 weeks early (because I bounced on a trampoline(!)) Due to this, he did not latch on the the breast, and following 4 weeks of expressing, putting to the breast then syringe/cup feeding topped up with formula, I'd had enough. There was still no sign of latching on and we just didn't bond at first, so I was in a very low place. We changed to bottle feeding.
Due to the bottle feeding, colic became apparent. From this we found dummies useful (which I was against at first). It all became a huge downward spiral!
Now 3 months old, Oscar doesn't always seem that content with me. He can get very wrigly, start to cry, not look me in the eye. I'm worried that as we didn't bond at first, and I was depressed (though not PND), we just don't have what could have been.
I now feel at my lowest, though not necessarily depressed anymore, I can only ever think what would have been had I not bounced on that damn trampoline - leading to a mature birth, breast freeding, no dummies, better bonding.
Can anyone relate... or give any kind of assurance?
Nice to meet you all. Kerry x
I planned to have lo vaginally, breast feed and generally go with nature.
Lo was 4 weeks early (because I bounced on a trampoline(!)) Due to this, he did not latch on the the breast, and following 4 weeks of expressing, putting to the breast then syringe/cup feeding topped up with formula, I'd had enough. There was still no sign of latching on and we just didn't bond at first, so I was in a very low place. We changed to bottle feeding.
Due to the bottle feeding, colic became apparent. From this we found dummies useful (which I was against at first). It all became a huge downward spiral!
Now 3 months old, Oscar doesn't always seem that content with me. He can get very wrigly, start to cry, not look me in the eye. I'm worried that as we didn't bond at first, and I was depressed (though not PND), we just don't have what could have been.
I now feel at my lowest, though not necessarily depressed anymore, I can only ever think what would have been had I not bounced on that damn trampoline - leading to a mature birth, breast freeding, no dummies, better bonding.
Can anyone relate... or give any kind of assurance?
Nice to meet you all. Kerry x
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Replies
all i can say is from my experience it does get easier as time passes and the bond does come hun my lo is 8 months now and gorgeous and i know exactly what i would do differently next time (ttc no2 as we speak) motherhood is so hard and its not always an immediate bond as people tell you however speaking about it to get others' experience certainly helps you to realise you not alone or abnormal. welcome to the site its a godsend xxxxx Hayley xxxx
The other thing I didn't mention is that my oh feeds lo in the eves, my mum the odd bottle in the day sometimes and random others if we're visiting. Could this be a big problem with our bonding? I got used to the extra help when I was depressed, and am now very used to it.
We've just got a Gina ford routine going which has helped me realise that his crying/wingeing isn't tiredness, hunger etc.
[Modified by: KerryBerry on December 29, 2007 11:35 PM]
I was going to my local midwife run ward and having a water birth and breast feeding for at least 2 weeks and then expressing.
I ended up having pethedine and an epidural both of which i said i would never have but begged for in the end, i had an ambulance ride to the hospital from midwife ward and ended up with a c section. I then struggled with bonding and feeding, my lo latched on but never seemed to wan to come off and after 4 nights of continuous feeding from 10pm to 3am and still not wanting to stop i finally broke down and decided it wasn't good for either of us and went to the bottle.
This resulted in colic symptoms, tried everything including cranial osteopathy where i was told her restlessness could be down to a stressful pregnancy and birth, so felt completely guilty.
Anyway turned out to be lactose intollerance and after changing milk lo is much better.
I also got used to the help and lo is fed by oh and my mum quite alot and seems fine with it.
Lo is now 5 months and we have bonded now, she is a very wriggly baby and does not like to be carried or held much but loves to hold your hand, don't know if it was because of me that she is like this but she has been ill this week and would only settle with me which has made me more confident that we have at last bonded properly.
It will come give it time, i am not a natural mother like so many others and have never really been a maturnal person so blamed myself for it all but i think sometimes when we blame ourselves all the stress and worry is picked up by the baby and it doesn't help so try and relax and go with it. My hv told me babies cry and no matter who you are you can't always stop it, just make sure they are clean, fed and well and then go with it.
Good luck.
No point wasting time thinking about the 'what if's' - no guarentee if you had gone longer it would have been any different- you grew him from scratch so have already done a superb job.
Love and luck xxxx
The other thing I didn't mention is that my oh feeds lo in the eves, my mum the odd bottle in the day sometimes and random others if we're visiting. Could this be a big problem with our bonding? I got used to the extra help when I was depressed, and am now very used to it.
We've just got a Gina ford routine going which has helped me realise that his crying/wingeing isn't tiredness, hunger etc.
x
hi hun sorry been so long to reply not too well at min damn cold! again!!!
if you go to your gp and ask for some professional help or if you are still in touch with your midwife ask her. professionals in the feild of post natal depression are of great help i think they can offer councelling and groups/individual work for you and there are others in the same situation. my sis suffers with pnd has with both her kids and she goes to baby massage to help bond with rhianna who is now 3 months old. hope this helps i really feel for you xx
My brother bought him a hand puppet for christmas (a hippo) which also helps as he really likes watching me 'walk' hippo around, and for some reason loves the masculine voice I 'do' for hippo. All this has made me feel much closer - like I've found a way for him to enjoy me. Thanks hippo!