Other people kissing your baby!

Hi

How do you deflect people from kissing your baby? My family aren't really the kissy type so no worries there but hubbys are and I hate it, they either pass round the little kids to be kissed goodbye at gatherings or make the older ones go and kiss/ be kissed by everyone! I absolutley think that kids need to learn to say Hi and Bye to everyone as it is simple manners but I think that they should lead the way as far kissing goes. I know Hubby used to hate it when he was a kid and I have told him that there is no way i'm passing my child round to be slobbered on by everyone and he gets it but how do i handle people coming to her and trying to kiss her without seeming like a cow? Also we don't see hubbys family very often so to a baby/ small child they will seem like strangers!

I know everyones familys do things differently but I feel it is important for my child to decide who she lets into her personal space- i'm sure there will be some members of the family that she will like more than others and will choose to kiss them and i'm fine with this but i find it really uncomfortable seeing kids being forced to kiss or be kissed by people. I wouldn't kiss anyone or be kissed by anyone I didn't want to be so I don't think she should be either!

This isn't a dig at anyones familys who do this although I am aware i may have worded this a little crudely but I haven't time to word it better so sorry!

So the question without the rambling is- how if you have/ would you if you agree, stop your baby being kissed by everyone if it is the norm in your OH's family without casuing a secne or appearing rude (i've no problem with appearing nuerotic- I am, haha)? :\?

Posts

  • eek difficult one cos as you say, its the norm by the sounds of it in Hubbys family.

    I've always been bought up to kiss people hello and goodbye in our family so its kinda the norm for us too. However, hubbys family kiss on the lips (YUCK and double YUCK) so i've devised a sneaky tactic to get out of that image) (the good ole side ways kiss, not quite an air kiss but I move my lips before his nan has a chance of planting a smacker! why o why she thinks i'd like a kiss on my lips from anyone but my hubby is beyond me)

    Anyway - back on topic! i'm not sure of your options here. Have you spoke to hubby and told him your uncomfortable with it? I don't even think you could blame it on the germs from kissing as they'll prob just bark at you that germs are healthy for kids. I think if it bothers you that much, the first person you need to get onside is hubby. I'm not sure I can see this one going in your favour without hubbys family getting a bit upset though chick.

    Hopefully one of the other ladies will come back with an uber suggestion for you x x
  • I dont have any advice but I do have the same hold ups about it as you but not just with kissing but with being handed around, touched etc by every tom dick & harry.

    My hubbys mum smokes and always has smokey breath and O hates her!! Ok hate is a bit strong because once left to her own devices now she is moving everywhere she will go up to her when she is ready but its when the MIL takes her from me with her smokey hands and breaths her smokey breath all over her that bothers me and it bothers O too. She will protest until she is put down! I have to stand and watch this happen because I cant say 'oh P can you give O back because she is crying because she doesnt want to be with you'. P usually thinks its because she is tired or hungry or teething when actually its because O isnt comfortable with her.

    And its when other people want cuddles that she isnt familiar with. She is very sociable but doesnt like to be held or cuddled by people she doesnt know - she is happy to go up to them and smile etc and I squirm if I see someone picking her up and then I have to hear her cry!

    As she has got older (is 1 in 9 days!) it has got easier but when she was tiny I was constantly cleaning my hands before I touched her and I remember when she was 2 weeks old she met my hubbys aunts & uncles and they also smoke lots and they had just been out for a ciggie and then asked for cuddles! Eugh I hated it. Even my friend who is a smoker smokes outside now and washes her hands etc before touching her little one. (hope i havent offended anyone who smokes).

    So whilst I cant offer advice you arent alone in not wanting your baby passed around to be touched, kissed etc....

  • I have to say it really doesn't bother me when family kiss my children. I quite like the way it makes our parents' and OH's grandparents' faces light up! BUT we both have small, close families and we see everyone fairly regularly so they are familiar to DS (5) and DD (2). If we had massive families that we didn't see a lot of then I may well feel differently. I'd really object to people they didn't know kissing and hugging them. I wouldn't be comfortable with that as an adult so why should they?! One thing we have done when the kids haven't wanted to give kisses or hugs is to get them to blow a kiss, shake hands or give a high five. Skirts the issue nicely!!!
  • I think hugs or blowing kisses is a great idea!
    On the smoking issue (as an ex-smoker) I think it is absolutely right that after a ciggy hands should always be washed before touching lo xx
  • No way if they've just put a fag out, reminds me of the sisters in the Simpsons!!!!!
  • I was brought up with 'kisses' for everyone and I hated it. If I was ever given anything it was always go and give a kiss and hug, a thank you was not enough. I dont like it and wont force it on my lo. I think its easy when its your own family ie/ not ILs your laying the law down with. It may sit better if you OH leads the resistence! lol

    As for the smoking thing I really dsont like smoke being around lo even if it is lingering on clothes. I quite whilst pregnant ( but admitedly will have the very occassional one now and then on social occassions ) but if i was still smoking I would not have it arouns LO.
    xx
  • I don't come from a kissy family but hubby does, however my parents and sister and 2 brothers always give lo a kiss on the head and lo leans in to get a kiss without asking and I quite like to see this, hubby's parents and siblings (bar one) always give her a kiss on the head as well but I wouldn't like the idea of my aunts and uncles or hubby's aunts and uncles (and there are a lot on both sides) kissing lo but tbh I don't see a way out of it without causing a little bit of offence, I think the best option is speak to your OH and then decide what to do, whether to speak to inlaws and how to approach it with them.
  • It's such a tricky situation, if they only do it at certain times, like when they are leaving, why not try to detract them away from your LO. Something like, whoops, she's just been a bit sicky or done a poo-poo - got to change nappy, quick bye and disappear upstairs. You could always say there's lots of viruses about at the minute and you don't want her catching anything. Or just be honest but I doubt that'd go down too well.

    I don't mind MIL or people that are close to us giving kisses but I hate to see toddlers being forced to kiss everyone in the room before they leave, when clearly they don't want to! I hate being in the room when parents do this and always say, no forget it, don't worry, I'm good and just blow one but they are sometimes insistent and make a big deal out of it. I am never, going to ask my child to do that! Sorry had my own little rant there.

    As for smoking - I make it clear that if anyone has a cigarette, then they don't come near by baby until the smell has gone, even if that takes an hour! Simple wash hands doesn't get rid of the breath smell which I don't my child to inhale.

    Nip it in the bud I'd say, you might cause a little offence but it might save years of unpleasantness. Wishing you lots of luck xx
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