Feel like such a failure :(

Connor was doing really well with pu/pd and we were really getting somewhere until a couple of weeks ago now its back to the same hour to get him to sleep and waking after short periods of time from a nap and waking lots in the night. I put it down to a growth spurt at first but my mum looked after him the other day and got him to sleep in 15 minutes and he napped for nearly 2 hours so I can only put the difficulties down to me and I cant figure out what im doing wrong!
Also last night OH admitted he blames me for the fact Connor attention seeks sometimes, he says its down to the fact i wont leave him to cry, so thats another thing ive failed at.
I dont have a clue about weaning him i give him 2 meals of baby rice a day, (he gets slightly sicky at the mo from purees) i dont know when to start purees again, i dont know if hes having enough rice, i dont know when to start the 3rd meal or anything.
My confidence as a mother has completely gone and as a result im doubting im dong anything right for him.
Im jut a really really crap mummy and I dont know how to be better, ive tried so hard to be a good mum since Connor was born and I thought i was for a while but obviously not.
How do I do better please help me i feel so bad that im not good enough for him


  • ah honey please don't be blue! i'm sure you're doing a fab job. You're clearly trying to do the best you can and you're more than a good enough mummy for him!!

    Firstly, how old is connor? It's typical that he'd sleep for your mum! Babies like to do that to us mummys and it is a pain isn't it! I know how hard it is to leave a child to cry and listen to them upset, but personally i feel from time to time a child must be left to cry. (my mother in law however is just stone cold hearted and could leave a child to cry for hours and not bat an eyelid!) perhaps one time if you're feeling brave enough, make sure connor is fed, clean nappy, warm enough etc... and if he cries and you're busy... finish your job before going to him. For example, if youre washing dishes, do another few before going to him. That's how i managed it. I think thats a nice balance between ignoring them, but also letting them know mummy cannot always run straight to their side. It isn't necesserily about neglecting their needs in anyways, just teaching them a little patience.

    with the weaning, you can always gradually add little bit of puree to the baby rice. Without knowing his age it's hard to advise though. Start with veg purees ie sweet potato, carrot, swede, parsnip.... get him used to savoury flavours first. Take your time with it and let him take the lead, if he doesnt want it dont force it but try again in a day or two. They need to get used to textures as well as tastes. Stick to one flavour for a few days, then try another. Once they are established on a few vegtables, you can try blending different kinds, and introcuding fruit as well. I would stick to the two meals you are doing right now, once connor seems to be eating these well, add in the third.

    Again though, children really test us and i'm sure you're a fantastic mummy. please don't tell yourself otherwise!!
  • You are absolutely not a failure and don't ever think that you are. We all have moments like that but you ahve to remind yourself that Connor is a happy, healthy and much loved baby so you are doing everything right and certainly not a failure.
    My OH says the same, that I've spoilt him by always going to his crying. I'm getting better during the day and if he cries when I put him down to nap, I turn monitor down a wee bit and do the dishes or put the washing on so I'm busy for a few mins and then go to him if he's still crying. And if I'm honest it seems to be working. He only naps for 40mins at a time but so long as he's napping then I don't mind. I'm rubbish at night though and pick him up and cuddle him or take him in with me to sleep when he cries. BUt it's the opposite at night, hubby wants me to do anything I can to stop him crying !!
    Weaning, I'm as confused as can be and no idea if I'm over feeding, underfeeding him, not timing it right (too many feeds close together!) But it's all trial and error. So far he likes butternut squash, carrot, sweet potato and banana so I'll keep offering these and every few days I've been adding something new to the mix. if he doesn't like it I'll try agian in a few days and see how we get on.
    Just remember how much Connor loves you and how much you love him. That's not a failure is it ? S x
  • Hi thankyou for replying.
    Connors 5 months and if im in the middle of something i do leave him to moan, if im sat there with him and he cries i will pick him up though if trying to entertain him still in his chair doesnt work.
    Thankyou for the weaning advice, he is taking both of his meals well so do you think i should start number 3 or just give him more for the 2 he has, how much rice should they be having at 5 months? hes on 5 teaspoons

    [Modified by: rainbowshoes on February 23, 2009 04:55 PM]

  • personally i'd try and get a bit more adventurous with two meals befor introducing the third at the moment. Try to get him onto veg and fruit, then being in the third meal i reckon. That way it's a little bit more gradual and also less stresfull for you for a little while longer! hehe.
  • personally i'd try and get a bit more adventurous with two meals befor introducing the third at the moment. Try to get him onto veg and fruit, then being in the third meal i reckon. That way it's a little bit more gradual and also less stresfull for you for a little while longer! hehe.
  • Awww babe you are soooooo NOT a pants Mum! You're are just going through what we all go through-being tested to our limits by our lo's! Just stick to your guns with the sleep and the pu/pd. It will pay off I'm sure.
    As with the weaning I was exactly the same and I felt all lost and muddled and dreaded feeding time for a while. But I agree with linziMc about going for it with the 2 meals till your happy and then starting the 3rd meal. Mixing fruit and veg is a good idea as the baby rice isn't that tastey is it?! Only ended up eating it as it was splattered all over me face after Alf got bored with it!!!
    Anyway you take care, have a bit of time to yourself if you can (I always have a shower as its the only room in the house without a trace of lo and I can lock the door!!) and keep at it! If you do decide to change anything just change 1 thing at a time and try it for 3 or 4 days.I've been doing that with lo's milk feeds as he just wasn't having any or was too tired and it has got better.
    And if you have a nice hv talk to them too for a few more ideas you can choose from to see if they work for you.
    sending you hugs babe x
  • Thankyou all for being so nice and for the great advice, I think Connor knew im not feeling myself as he went straight to sleep tonight bless him!
    Its just i feel like i have the best son in the world so i should be the best mummy in the world too, does that sound strange?
    Oh just to be a pain I do hav another question - Connor is breastfed so I dont have to give him a seperate drink but do you think i should now hes weaning?
  • if you have the best son in the world then you must be the best mummy as our babies reflect our feelings and emotions so if hes a happy lil contented soul then you are doing a brill job !!
  • Sounds like you are doing a fab job honey. Men can be so unsympathetic sometimes!!

    The other girls seem to have answered all of your other questions so i will go with the drink thing, you could perhaps try offering some cooled boiled water in a cup/bottle during/after each meal.

    Keep you chin up love we all have bad days but it doesnt make us bad mums xx
  • Thankyou all, I feel a bit better today still dont feel good enough but at least im not in tears about it today so thanks
  • I never saw this post hun. Big hugs to you I hope your confidence has returned hun

    Babies dont come with instructions its all trial and error!

    Have a lovely mothers day xx xx
  • Awww thanks Mum! Love you lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • aaaw what a lovely message from your Mummy!

    Gatecrasher Joo!
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