Am I being over sensitive?

Hi
I'm just looking a bit of advice before I get upset with someone.
I had dd in Dec 08 and lost ds 7 weeks ago when I was 18wks pregnant. I've a few (5!) cousins all ready to give birth over the next while, and I've started getting texts from some them asking to borrow some my baby stuff- slings, monitors etc. Am I being hormonal or is that a bit off? Feels like they're saying 'well you won't need it now' sort of thing. Also, I don't want to sound like a tight git but we hope to try again and hope to get few more uses from our stuff, if I lend it all out it'll be bit raggedy by the time I get to use it again. I appreciate some of them aren't in great positions financially but I think should wait until offered something surely?
Sorry that ended up a bit of a rant- I don't want to offend anyone and if you think I'm being unfair feel free to say so cos i'm not always the most level-headed at the minute image

Cheers x

Posts

  • *Hugs* hon - no, I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all. We weren't well off at all when we had Rachel, yet I wouldn't have dreamed of just asking someone to use their things, let alone someone in your position. I appreciate they're probably all excited, but it certainly will bring everything back to the surface for you, and IMO they should have considered that.

    Also, a guy OH works with is expecting a girl in 4 months, and asked Rich to ask me if he could have our baby clothes - er, no! We're TTC, and just like you, I want Rachel's bits nice enough to use for our next baby, not handed back from another person with their stains etc on them, When we've finished making babies, then I'll gladly hand over everything I've got left that's still decent, but TBH probably not to people who just ask me to give it to them.

    Hugs again, xx
  • g/c sorry! but yes I think they are being insensitive and shouldn't have asked to borrow anything, esp as your loss is only recent.

    I only lent one thing to a friend after ds was born and I only just got it back in time for dd! I would only lend again if it was something I wouldn't really miss.

    Good luck with everything.

    xx

  • I don't think you should lend them your stuff and tell them straight that it is too soon for you to be letting go of your special baby things.

    I had trouble getting pregnant the 1st time and then it took years for me to get pregnant with my 2nd.Anyway a "friend" told me that she needed my baby stuff as I was never going to need it - that was when we were having fertility treatment.
    Being the soft touch I am I lent her some things and then she lent to to someone else and by the time I got the stuff back things were missing from the bouncy chair and car seat so I had to buy new.She then told me that she had thrown all the newborn clothes away as she thought I would want to buy new anyway.That was over 3 years ago and it still makes me cross .

    So learn from my mistakes .Unless its someone you trust completly don't lend out stuff.
  • Thanks for the replies, I feel a lot better about refusing now.
    MLM that's exactly what I fear.
    Think they feel can ask because they think we're more well -off as we both had good jobs but I left work at Christmas so down to one income now though I shouldn't really have to sit and explain that but I will.
    Thanks again- I'm away to bite the bullet...
  • I think you're completely in the right here and not over sensitive at all. In fact, I can't believe the cheek of these people!
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss xxx
  • Blimey - some people are soo insensitive!! You're not being over sensitive at all, in fact I think you're marvellous for not telling them all where to stick it!!

    good luck with ttc xxx
  • I'm with coco25 and poppygirl - far from being over sensitive I think you're being far too nice even considering it!! It's only 7 weeks since you lost your second LO and I think it is totally insensitive of them to start asking to use things that would have been his. Even if you hadn't suffered a loss, I still think you should refuse to lend anything that you would want to use again - as others have said, you never get it back in the same condition as you lent it and that's if you get it back at all!! I know it's hard when they are family members and every penny counts but you have to put yourself and your own LOs first.

    Good luck with everything, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss and hope TTC goes well when the time comes!!

    C image
  • In agreement with the others. I don't even think you should make excuses - just tell them straight out that 1. you're still feeling the pain of your loss and 2. that you hope to be using your stuff again before too long.

    I'm honestly quite easy-going about stuff like that but I would feel the same as you if I were in your position.
  • I agree totally with the rest of the girls, you are in the right refusing. Its very insensitive to ask you, maybe they are just not thinking of what they are saying.
  • i agree with the others

    i have been asked to give a family member all our baby stuff as her OH has lost his job, i do feel for them and will do all i can but i want our stuff for our next baby, a lot of it was gifts anyway and dont feel right giving them away

    maybe say you are sorry but you will need them before long x

    becca and jacob
    6 weeks, 6 days
  • Oooh, no I would never ask to borrow baby stuff - and no-one has ever asked me! I have OFFERED things in the past, and been offered loans (which I generally accept - as it's so kind - and I always return). I would NEVER ask someone for loans, especially someone who lost a baby so recently - how heartless- I'm so sorry for your loss, and at such an advanced stage. xx.

    It is perfectly ok to say no (and be 'distant' from them for a good long while lol) and just say you are keeping them for your next baby whenever that may be.

    If it was me I don't think I would have answered the text!!!

    xx


  • I think they are behaving appallingly!
    I lent my pregnancy book to a family member after i had ds in 2008 when she was pg, but she lost her boy at 20 weeks, so a similar situation to yours unfortunately. It's now 2 years later and i'm pg again, and i feel it would be horribly insensitive to ask for it back, and it's MY book! So for them to ask to borrow your things, and so soon after you loss is dispicable!
    I would be inclined to point that out to them. Your respective financial situations should't even come into the equation after what you've been through.
  • hi mummychop,

    how you doing? sorry I havent replied to your email yet (ive started to and will send it today)

    no you are not being over sensitive at all. Those things are your's and its up to you if you want keep hold of them - esp considering what you've sadly been through.

    we had banked up quite a few baby bits as well, and some people have recently been annoucing their pregnancies and Ive already thought about if someone asks to "borrow" anything - the answer will be a firm no.

    hope you're ok hun,

    will email you in a bit

    x x x
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