Really need childcare advice please

So had the dreaded going back to work chat this wek, Boss was lovely and I almost managed the meeting without a weep (not very professional!) and I start back part time in June, Mat pay stops in March but I've saved up so lo will be 11 months when I start back.
Well ,we've looked around 2 nuseries. Have spoken to 3 childminders (no visits as yet-oh needs time to come too) and to be quite honest I didn't like what I saw! Am actually crying writing this beacuse it makes me feel sick at the thought of leaving him with a 'stanger'. I know it has to be done and it will be healthy for me and him. BUT I can't help the way I feel.Am hoping its normal to feel like this?!
Anyway we then had a chat about a nanny? Has anyone else used a nanny? Obvioulsy I'm not expecting Mary Poppins ( wouldn't say no though if Julie Andrews is free!) and we are by no means rich (that's why I'm going back to work!) but I think it might suit lo (and me if I'm honest) better.
So advice please-are there other options I haven't hought of? Have you used a nanny? Would you reccommend it? Are all nuseries not inspiring and a bit like hospitals (oh's words not mine!)? What are the benifits of a nusery/childminder/nanny?
Sorry there are so many questions I'm just so upset and worried and really need some advice. Can't see to type now so thanks in advance xx


  • hey,

    I'm really sorry your feeling so sad about it all and it definately is normal!

    The benifit of a nanny is that your lo will be in your home, you can use an agency to find one, the should be nneb qualified, and should stick to any routines you have and will give your lo one-to-one attention.

    childminder - they have to be ofsted checked to be a registered one. There is likey to be other children there to socialise with. they are likey to have had children of thier own - can see things from a 'mummy's view'.

    nursery - have to be ofsted checked - can review reports online. Lots of scialising and should be lots of educational activities. your child may have a key-worker s a specific adult to build up a better relationship with and should know your child very well. they should be insipring though - with lots of nice displays. (Downside can be lots of very yound staff and high turner of staff as pay is very bad.)

    Good luck!

  • Hi there
    What you are feeling is totally normal and exactly how I felt before going back to work. I didn't like the thought of a nursery for the reasons that Lisa pointed out as downsides. I prefered the thought of my little one being cared for by an individual and being in an environment with other children, not necessarily the same age, We looked at a few nurseries just to justify my dislike and although they looked like fab places, they just weren't for me.
    We decided on a childminder as she would be cared for in a home environment and I hope to continue using her for before and after school care when the time comes so I'm hoping she'll be with her for years to come.
    She has been there for almost a year now and I can honestly say I've had no tears dropping her of and in fact, often shouts "Lynne' at the weekends when I'm looking after her!!
  • Thanks ladies. I never come on here and moan and really am on the whole a very upbeat person but after Wednesday I haven't been able to sleep and I'm more tearful than ever. Know the decision has to be made (unless we win the Lottery tee hee!) just can not bear the thought of leaving him makes me cry and feel sick. Not gonna look good in front of a class of little ones is it?! xx
  • I found the first week horrendous and I cried everytime I thought of someone else looking after my little angel and was consumed by guilt and jealousy. It did get easier after that and we just made sure that we spent real quality time with her at the weekends instead of dragging her shopping with us! She has come on so well since she's been there and is such a lovely, sociable little girl that I have to believe that the benefits for her are great!
  • i felt exactly the same its worth talking to ur hv about. my lo is 18 months now and i left her for an hour in a playgroup while i was in the next room and i bawled!!! that was about 3 weeks ago. we go every week now i cudnt bear the thought of leaving her to go back to work so i didnt we just muddle through. which isnt good but i cudnt do it.. i told my hv how i felt a few weeks ago and she said i have seperation anxiety.. and this thing im doing with her everyweek gets her used to strangers ane me used to being away from her without leaving her completely... its worth seeing if they do anything like it round ur way! xxx
  • Thanks ladies x
    upsy_daisy+bump that sounds really helpful. Will try and talk to my hv. To be honest I don't really have anyone else to talk to/ask as we have major family things going on so Dad/step mum/step sisters are all busy. My good friends either don't have children or they're grown up. So will give hv a punt just don't like crying if front of people which I seem to do an awful lot since having lo!! Oh won't let me not go back to work so have no choice! x
  • aww thats a shame. im the same we moved away from home so there is only me and my hubby here. i just point blank refused to go back and hubby didnt have much say in the situation! i wish i realised there was something wrong earlier than i have tho as cud of caught it early. which is why i have said what i did. i have just been diagnosed with severe anxiety and mild depression where i have ignore it for so long! if u jsut have a case of seperation anxiety nip it in the bud now! i wish i had! the group is really helpfull as ur only in the next room and they will come and get u if they get upset etc... def worth doing to get u prepared for leaving lo.. xx
  • Oh has just come in from work and given me a huge hug (made me cry more!!) which was lovely. Talked a bit but still no choice. Wish I had the you know whats to tell him no! Thank you again ladies x
  • Lily goes to a nursery near my school (5 mins away). I like her being close to me and she only goes Mon and Tues. She goes all day and really likes it. I was so uspet at first, but now it is easier for me to leave her - still have bad days tho lol a clingy mummy! We had the nursery recommended and I had some experinece of it already through my work as a teacher. They are all really friendly at the nursery and Lily gives them the biggest smile as she is carried in. She is always happy when I pick her up and the ladies who work there talk to me about Lily's day. They often say things that surprise me , I mean they notice little things that Lily does that are unique to her and this reasuures me they pay her attention. In an ideal world I would love to stay at home but really have no choice esp as hubby's job is very shaky at the min! I have one day at home with her and then the weekend plus all the holidays tho.

    Hope my waffle has helped!
  • thanks pinkjellyfish am a teacher too and i know the place we saw wasn't right for our lo so will stop all the fussing and upset and find the best place possiblr for him. sorry for the lack of capital letters etc lo is on my knee dribbling over the keyboard!! my oh's job is wobbly too so i know what you mean. just dreading the summer, will be back at work, skint and won't see lo develop. being a mum is totally the hardest job in the world! x
  • Cole goes to nursery 3 days a week and its brilliant. We decided we preferred nursery over childminder because we figured there was less chance of something dodgy going on with more people involved in a childs care, the nursery would be easier for dropping off ect - they are open 8am-6pm and there is no having to drop lo off before school runs etc. my friends little girl went to a childminder and she always had to be dropped off before the cm took the other kids to school, so less flexible and i didn't like the idea of lo being shunted around while other peoples kids were ferried around.

    I honestly think its better for him to be mixing with other kids, and to have the social interaction with adults in a slightly more structured environment than home. My mates little girl just started school last year and she was told by the teacher that her lo's class was the first year that all the kids had gone to nursery and it was the first class where they hadn't had any trouble with lo's being unable to hack a full day in school.

    Regardless of whether its a nursery or a cm, you have to feel right about it. Personally if I had to go with a cm I'd want word of mouth recommendation rather than a complete stranger. Visit as many times as you need or as many cm's or nurserys till you find one that makes you feel comfortable. Our nursery was the only one we visited - we had heard good reports and my mate used to work there but when we went there it felt right straight away. Little things like the woman showing us round would stop talking to us if a child needed something - which was good because I'd hate to think of cole being ignored if someone was looking round. They did tell us to go to several nurseries but we felt good about this one- its bright and cheerful and clean and full of pictures of the kids, and artwork and stuff like that. Definately not hospital-like!!

    I had a conversation with a friend about childcare recently as we were discussing amutual friend who was going to be looking for a cm, and my friend was saying how she didnt like the idea of a cm as it might mean that lo would bond with one other person and that could be hard to deal with whereas nursery there are different people dealing with lo and thats easier. Cole has a keyworker at nursery (and he has bonded with her) but he goes to the others too - his keyworker is great, she loves him to bits and doesn't midn when he steals her fruit lol.

    We had i think 3 visits to the nursery before we decided 100% to go there, and then when i took the deposit cheque up the thing that really made me know we'd made the right decision was that the 2 staff who were in came out to see us as all the babies were asleep, and they both wanted cuddles off cole and he went to them - thats when I knew he'd be happy there.

    In an ideal world I wouldn't have to work but I'd still send him to nursery for a couple of days a week as it is really good for him

    Cole was 11 months when he started nursery - well he wasn't quite as we put him in nursery 2 weeks befoer I went back to work so that I was close to him if he didnt settle - and i highly recommend doing that as not only does it give you time to sort yoruself out before going back to work but it helps ease you into it so your first day back at work isn't filled with worry about lo. Shame it didn't quite work like that for us as cole was ill then I was ill! It is hard, especially when i've had to leave cole when he's been grumpy, tired, teething etc but it does get easier and most days he quite happily goes off. If he's not happy then when i call a couple of hours later he's always busy doing something. Little things like when he had a high temp and I ahd to go fetch him and when i got there he was stripped down to his vest, under ablanket and his key worker was lying down next to him where he was comfy just comforting him as I would really helps to make you feel better about leaving them.

    Hope this makes sense..I'm somewhat sleep deprived betwene cole's teething and next doors babys 3 x a night screaming habit! Must go...screaming monster just woke!

    Hope you find the right childcare for your lo
  • Thank you Kia our lo's teething had a high temp today but theese teeth just won't appear. The place we looked at said they didn't have key workers which i think is a shame. Glad Cole enjoys his nursery his key worker sounds great-just what you'd want from childcare. Hope Cole's better soon mines sat on my knee again with bright red flaming cheeks poor little thing! x
    Vanilla thank you! I know it must help Lucy going to a nursery you know well. Am banking on it getting better-can't feel like this forever!! Am sure Lucy will love nursery-are you back to work too in March?x
  • I think the most important thing no matter what you choose is you and lo have to feel comfortable with the childcare you decide on.

    Make sure you have a list of questions you want answering, with nurseries especially ask what their staff turn around is because like someone else said they are really high and very young staff because of the salary.

    Our eldest went to nursery and i wasnt keen on the nursery when i looked round and should have gone with my instincts but didnt and i had to take her out in the end. Twice I got a call at work to say she had to go to casualty because of "head injuries" that couldnt be explained other than "she fell over" she was there from 6mths - 10 mths!!! (age) I got called probably 5 times because she had upset tummy, got her home and she was absolutely fine.!!!

    Good luck with what ever you choose and just remember trust your instincts!! xx
  • Thanks sarahncraig I think everyone's right I'll know when I meet the person/nursery. I've just got to get out there and exhaust every possibility-preferably without crying!! x
  • lol dont worry about crying i think thats natural I cried for about 45 minutes the first time I left Caitlin x
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