I will be joining you soon

A few of you may know me from pregnancy and september forums but 3 weeks ago my hubby walked out on me because I have ocd, I hate anything with red on it ie letters think it is blood ok with my own and then it worries me that it will hurt me. He is 50 and could not cope anymore. I have lived with it for 15 years in different forms hand washing which I still do alot of, mum and dad put up with it they managed just. I have been to embarassed to seek help until now when hubby said 3 weeks ago he was going. I said I would get help now to save our marriage. Went to stay at mums for a few days so he could chill out a bit. Then found 4 days later than he had part moved out and was renting a flat with his childhoot sweetheart from 32 years ago that reunited them on friends reunited, could kill that website.

We have been together 3 years and only married for 16 months, since being pregnant ocd has got much worse. Have now been to doctors with my mums help and got a mental health appointment on the 18th September at home so thats a start. Plus I have never admitted to it before, usually cover it up and then worry about it later!

Hubby says he wants to be there for my home water birth and I still love him with all my heart evenough his previous wife walked out on him so he knows what it feels like, he says he loves me both loves her as well.

I can't understand him, I know it is mainly my fault but to walk out on your pregnant wife so close to giving birth to his much desperately wanted baby (son) to do this at this stage is so heartless. He has even taken off his wedding ring. I love my rings and would not take my off yet, can't get them off anyway or removed any photo's can't bear to do it.

He did say once baby is born it may be different, now he says there is no chance. I just can't cope with it all at the moment. I was born prem at 28 weeks and have a weak left side so I just don't now how I am going to mangage on my own, he says he will stay for as long as I need help. I have great support from mum and dad relatives and friends but know at the end of the day when my door is shut at night I am solo. I can't don't know how I will manage to look after my baby, and wonder if I will now love him because of all this. I was thinking about giving him to a family that will love and care for him better than me, but don't think I can do that. I never thought I would be a mum but at the end of the day don't have the first clue about what to do.



  • Hey, welcome to baby.

    I have no real advice for you darlin, but hopefully your hubby will come round when your son is born. Men get just as nervous as us ladies when it comes to giving birth so it could be a lot of his trouble.

    Nobody has written a book on 'How to be a good mum' you just learn different tips and hints every day. The MW's. HV's and I'm sure your GP will be happy to help you if you feel nervous about anything. My MW's with my 2nd were fantastic. Just let them know how you feel.

    Drop me an email if you want to chat.

    Take care and try to relax...You'll be a mummy soon image and the last thing your little man needs is for an upset mummy.

    Good luck xxxxxx
  • omg hun i'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, i have no advice but wish you all the best, us women are very strong even if we don't think so and you will cope with whatever life throws at you! good luck with the baby and good luck with your appointment x

    [Modified by: mrsjbourne on August 30, 2009 04:14 PM]

  • None of this is your fault. Please don't think that. Your OH is responsible for his own actions. Tbh I think he's using the ocd as an excuse for his infidelity.

    You will find a way to cope. It sounds like you have a good network of family & friends behind you. All mums think the same, but as soon as that lo is in your arms, mummy instinct kicks in. Yes there will be hard times, no denying that. But you will get thru this and one day he'll realise he let a good thing go.

    You know where we all are if you need any help, advice, support xx
  • omg I have had so much support on babyexpert the past few weeks thank you, don't many of you but I am sure I will be needing your help very soon, staying at my mums at the mo and come home every few days to use the pc. You lovely ladies are nice and I am off crying again, look forward when I can cope to getting to know you all better.


  • G/C

    Sweetheart please don't worry you will be a fab mummy and you will love your son even more because of what you have been through.

    My hubby has Ocd very badly and it drives me mad but I love him and will always be there and help him anyway I can. That is not thr reason he has left you, he has left you to be with someone else and is using that to make himself feel better and to push you down and take his guit.

    Yuo have come across as a very strong and wonderful lady while this has been happening, I have read all your posts and I am fully confident that you WILL be an amazing mummy!

    I was a single parent for a long time and I coped with no famly around as I had moved to work away, but I coped and well and you will too.

    I do hope you hav a wonderful brth with your mum there, I will keep an eye on you xxxxxx
  • Hi hon,

    I'm so sorry you are going through this, how awful but please don't blame yourself this is his problem not yours.

    It's good you have the support of your family behind you and soon you will have your precious little one too.

    Have you looked into hypnotherapy at all? I am training in it at the moment and it really can help, there are some really good therapists out there that am sure could help you.

    Hugs xx
  • Thanks ladies mummyhunnybe perhaps you can email me and tell me how you live with your husband, what form does he have is it really bad and how do you cope.

    40 weeks today.

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