Hello introducing myself in here

Hi everyone. Just wondering if I can join you in here? I've been a member of BE since 2008 when we were ttcmy first son (Theo who turned 3 on Wednesday). Our second son Owen was born last may and was utterly perfect. However soon after he was born we found that Owen had a few problems. As well as being profoundly deaf he had some very major heart problems, pulmonary valve stenosis and hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy, as well as other problems all related to his diagnosis of LEOPARD Syndrome. Among the millions of hospital appointments we had a wonderful time with our gorgeous boy. And then in January our worst fears came true. Owen had a sudden cardiac arrest at home. I performed CPR and the paramedics defibrillated him. He survived. But he suffered extensive brain damage and NEC and after 3 weeks in PICU the doctors told us there was nothing more that could be done for him. He was extubated from the ventilator and we brought him home for 2 weeks before going to a wonderful children's hospice. He survived another 8 weeks before he died in my arms on 15 April. I now find myself completely lost. I have theo who is a star and keeps me going but I feel like I'm at rock bottom right now. I am consumed by thoughts of ttc but hub says we should wait (only another month or 2). How did you know that you were ready and ttc for the right reasons? Also I would love to hear from you and about your angels and am so sorry for everyone's losses. This is the worst thing I can imagine