Does it get any easier?

girlypye · Jul 26, 2010 6:32PM

Hi,

My daughter was stillborn at the end of Feb this year, she died at 40+3 and was born at 41weeks. The last weeks have been so hard and my husband and I really miss our little girl. We have had all the results back and there was nothing wrong either with our daughter or with me, so there is no explanation for the loss, which is good news, but it is also difficult not having any answers too.

My Husband and I feel so lost at the moment. Does it get any easier living with the loss?

Any advice you can give would be fantastic!
Thanks,
Girlypye x

WoWbabies · Jun 9, 2010 7:57AM

hi i'm so sorry i don't ahve any answers for u, but saw this on the home page and couldn't read and run. i'm so sorry for ur loss, i hope u have lost of love and support around u right now. wishing u all the best for the future and may ur little daughter sleep tight xxx

Dotty_Jackie · Jun 10, 2010 8:17AM

Hi,
I'm so sorry for what you've been through and although i can't answer that question as everyone is different i can say in my case, yes it does get easier but the pain never goes away. I lost my son Ewan at 27 weeks last September and it was the most awful thing i have ever gone through. I didn't want to do anything for weeks and coming on this site and speaking to all the other girls that have lost has really helped me. I went back to work after 4 weeks just to get the normality back, which did work, but of course i had some bad days. I'm lucky in that my partner and family acknowledge my son's existence, but there are some ladies on here who do not have that and it hurts for them. I'm now expecting again, in fact i'm due around the same date that Ewan was born last year, that has really helped, although i'm worried sick as would be expected. Like you we had all the tests carried out and they found nothing. Like you say, that should be good news but it also makes it difficult in your next pregnancy knowing that they have nothing to keep an eye out for!!

This can be a quiet forum but there are quite a few of us that post over in TTC after Bereavement, perhaps in there you will get more advice.

I hope you feel better soon xx

_Wooly_ · Jun 10, 2010 2:40PM

Yes! it will get easier...it still hurts every day & I don't think the pain will ever leave but things will get easier. If you have a SANDs group near you it might help. I got to regular meetings & have made new friends who know how I feel & totally understand......we are sad at meetings but also have loads of laughs. I lost my girls in August & never thought I would laugh again. Hang in there. We are all here for you if you need to talk x

Katy73 · Jun 11, 2010 4:49AM

Hi Girlypye, i'm so sorry for the loss of your baby daughter. My son was stillborn in Sept of last year, when I was 37wks pregnant.
In answer to your question, I don't honestly know if it gets easier as the pain is always there. I think its inevitable though that life goes on and the days and nights do get more bearable. I suppose its a bit like a rollercoaster. Everyone is different though, and I know for me i've learnt to hide my pain more as time has passed, but its with me forever.
My OH and I decided to ttc almost straight away after we lost Ryan, and fortunately it happened for us and i'm now 32wks pregnant. I know the focus of a new pregnancy has helped me considerately, but it comes with so much more worry and anxiety.
We discovered problems with the placenta from our PM results, it was very small and had lots of dead bits, but to why it had failed, well we just don't know the cause. I think its a double edged sword regarding the PM results, it should be good that nothing was wrong, but at the same time you kind of want an answer, and unfortunately alot of results don't give parents that.
Take gud care of yourself, Luv kathryn xxx

waiting4baby · Jul 3, 2010 9:22AM

I am so sorry. I think you will always feel the pain but you learn to hide it and find other things to focus on. Some days you cope and others you don't but time certainly helps make it easier to breathe again.
I lost my baby girl at 20weeks and it was unbearable, to be so much further along I can only imagine the additional pain.
We also wanted to ttc straight away and it did allow us to look fwd but sadly I mmc at 14weeks (lo 11+3) and it crushed me, opening up old wounds and bringing new. However I'm pregnant again and as terrifying as it is the thought of a happy ending keeps me going.
Although I still miss my Angel everyday.
I really hope you find your strength and I'm just so sorry to hear of another family going through such heartache, take care x

charlis_angel · Jul 6, 2010 10:09AM

hi hunnie , i'm sos orry for yr loss i lost my little boy last aug too at 40 wks he died during labour , and he was also perfect , i have to sa at the time i didnt fel like i could go on even tho i have 2 boys age 13 and 8 i just wanted to be with charlie , but u learn to live with the pain ifind talking about my baby helps me, as i hate to think he didnt excist he sooo did just he was far too good for this world , he would be 10 months old now and i now have my miricle babyt girl who is 4 weeks old o9n thurs 4 weeks early she was i got pg 8 wks after losing charlie , and i know he will always be her gurdian angel ,it breaks my heart to think another beautiuful baby has been taken take care hun thinking of u love victoria x

girlypye · Jul 18, 2010 4:52PM

Hi,

I just wanted to say thanks for all your replies. It's been really helpful to hear from you all. It's good to get advice from those who have also been through this.

I have got some good news I found out on Friday that I'm pregnant. It's a huge shock, but wonderful scary surprise. I think I'm about 6 weeks pregnant, so I'm hoping this is a sticky bean

Girlypye x

waiting4baby · Jul 19, 2010 1:37AM

Congratulations that's wonderful news but I also know how terrifying it will be for you. When you feel ready you should pop into ttc/pregnancy after bereavement, there's quite a few of us in there and it's a bit busier than this forum.
Take care of yourself and wishing you all the best x

libranaster · Jul 26, 2010 6:32PM

Not really I am sorry to have to say that. I lost my baby 9 years ago now and its not something you get over there will always be a whole in your heart where your little one belongs. Its kind of like living with a missing limb you don't get over it you just learn to live with your disability and eventually you smile again and want to see your friends. Then you feel ok with trying again. It really hit me when Emily was born the loss of Gabriel. I think I expected my whole pregnancy to loose her. Then when she was born and crying anf alive it was just so much. I will never forget Gabriel and his loss never hurts any less but I just put it all away in a special place in ym heart just for him.
I am sorry for your loss.

Does it get any easier?

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