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hi girls
Hi girls
thought i would pop in and say hi , i do look on here most days to see how u all are , i'm not doing too bad i find it very hard some days to cope with the loss of cgharlie and the joy of this new baby , and how desperate we all are as a family to have this baby heathy and well and for nothing to go wrong ,
well i'm now 19 weeks and time is going fast , i've had lotsa of scans a had a special scan to messure blood supply to the baby from me , and they was very happy with it also baby belly was full which they said was also a very good sign , i have another scan next monday which will be my 20 wk scan , which i'm really looking forward to and scared all at the same time ,
the consultant said next time i go and see him we will decide on section date to make sure he deliverers my baby fopr me which will be at 38 weeks so i'm half way there now ,
i worry about falling in love with this baby incase its taken from me again but also i'm so in love with it , i've been very stressed out i sometimes feel like everyone thinks i should be fine now about losing charlie , i feel like my mum doesnt really want to talk about him of if i'm haviong a babd day she says why ??? i feel like screeming at her my baby is dead mum he should be 6 months old now , i think she should realise whats wrong with me and be more surportive , she is really surportive to my brother who split from his partner when charlie died , says all the time he's not coping but couldnt care less how i am feeling , sorry girls this started off ok but then u start getting thingds off yr chest and iut all comes spilling out sorry any way i better get off here or i'll ramble all day .. oh just one more thing a silly lady at wortk who i might add is a health visitor said to me last week how sorry she was about charlie , then on the nect breath said if its any conselation our cat died last week and were all deverstated !!!!!!!!
i just looked at her and said i dont thtink a cat is of any comparrison to a child do u and ahe went bright red stupid bloody people ok rant over sorry again keep ranting take care love victoria xxx
thought i would pop in and say hi , i do look on here most days to see how u all are , i'm not doing too bad i find it very hard some days to cope with the loss of cgharlie and the joy of this new baby , and how desperate we all are as a family to have this baby heathy and well and for nothing to go wrong ,
well i'm now 19 weeks and time is going fast , i've had lotsa of scans a had a special scan to messure blood supply to the baby from me , and they was very happy with it also baby belly was full which they said was also a very good sign , i have another scan next monday which will be my 20 wk scan , which i'm really looking forward to and scared all at the same time ,
the consultant said next time i go and see him we will decide on section date to make sure he deliverers my baby fopr me which will be at 38 weeks so i'm half way there now ,
i worry about falling in love with this baby incase its taken from me again but also i'm so in love with it , i've been very stressed out i sometimes feel like everyone thinks i should be fine now about losing charlie , i feel like my mum doesnt really want to talk about him of if i'm haviong a babd day she says why ??? i feel like screeming at her my baby is dead mum he should be 6 months old now , i think she should realise whats wrong with me and be more surportive , she is really surportive to my brother who split from his partner when charlie died , says all the time he's not coping but couldnt care less how i am feeling , sorry girls this started off ok but then u start getting thingds off yr chest and iut all comes spilling out sorry any way i better get off here or i'll ramble all day .. oh just one more thing a silly lady at wortk who i might add is a health visitor said to me last week how sorry she was about charlie , then on the nect breath said if its any conselation our cat died last week and were all deverstated !!!!!!!!
i just looked at her and said i dont thtink a cat is of any comparrison to a child do u and ahe went bright red stupid bloody people ok rant over sorry again keep ranting take care love victoria xxx
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Replies
glad ure pregnancy is going well, halfway there already!
im 27 weeks 2morow! scary!..i know how u feel about not wanting to fall in love with the baby that is exactly the same as me... i keep thinking i better get my head around the fact that i will be having a baby soon bcoz i havnt let myself get attatched and im worried ill probably get PND as it will come as such a shock! i would just rather think the worst and have a lovely ending.. rather than get all exited only for my dreams to be shattered! such a pessimist! also my daughter knows now and is all exited couldnt let her be so dissapointed for the second time it would kil me!
maybe ure mum doesnt know what to say, my family never mention it either, dont know if im happy with that or not,
my sil had a baby bout 10 days ago and we was talking and laughing about giving birth (my mum was with me for both births) yet she only mentioned my living daughters birth and i thought about my angels birth but thought that if i mentioned it it would make them uncomfortable?... i just think thats no one wants to upset me thats why they dont mention it.
doesnt stop me feeling guilty like shes not worth a mention...but i feel so guilty for a lot of things i guess we all do! (now im rambling)
people can be inconsiderate imagine likening a child to a pet!!!
stupid women! i dont think anyone can imagine the pain unless they have been there tho.... i sometimes think to myself... what did i used to think about before this all hapeened because it really is all i think about!
well enuff from me !
hope all goes well at 20 wk scan keep us updated
take care
Lisaxxx
Can't believe you are both so far on already! Just keep hanging in there. Also, can't believe the comment about the cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a stupid woman.
Best wishes x
Really pleased to hear that the hospital is looking after you and scanning you frequently will check back to hear about 20 week scan.
I hope telling us helps, i dont understand why ppl cant be more supportive.
hugs
team blue aka doublebubble
Glad to hear things are going well and I'm sorry about the situation with your Mum. I've only seen my Mum once since I lost Ewan (she lives abroad) and I don't really speak to her or anyone else about him. Although, I know she wouldn't avoid the subject if I bought it up with her. Although I did tell my Mum this week about being pregnant again and she sighed, it kind of flattened my joy a little but then she went on to say she was really happy for me, but so worried about me at the same time. Perhaps where your Mum's concerned it's that age old saying, "out of sight, out of mind". Your brother is a problem your Mum can focus on, but there's nothing she could have done for Charlie, perhaps she's feeling a little useless and trying to take your mind off of it.
And as for the woman with the cat, what was she thinking, if in fact i'm sure she wasn't thinking. I think the easiest thing to do is to laugh at comments like that, She clearly didn't have any idea what she was saying!!
xx
Angel is a taboo subject in my family too, i guess it's because I didn't want to talk to anyone in the beginning I've sort of made it like that but now I desperately need to. They're all scared of upsetting me and sometimes I feel like they're bored already- isn't that awful.
Now I've lost this one I'm a mess but still secretly hoping I will get another chance one day..........
Well done for responding to cat woman I'd have probably been so shocked I'd have said nothing and then punished myself for days for everything I should have replied. I know people treat pets like family and I apologise if I offend anyone but , come on, at the end of the day it is not a person!
Good luck with your next scan and I'm really looking fwd to hearing all these birth announcements I need to see the end of the rainbows
i think it still comes down to the blame thing and thta i still blame myself for him dying and that i didnt protect him enough to get hi into this world safely and that is hard to forgive , but i'm so worrie dit will affect me when this new little life is born , i so despretly want it but so sacred at teh same time , and yes i do feel like everyone else seems bored with talikng about it now , so i think its best to talk to someone not emotionally involved with me.