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Can't cope - had enough
I am so tired my eyes hurt - like actually hurt. Jackson was up feeding every hour last night.
I think he has developed reflux. He brings up sick during feeds, like a clotted milky mix, fights the nipple during every feed and grunts and grunts, esp when lying down.
We elevated his mattress which seemed to help, he slept for an hour before waking for a feed but I was just on edge all night and couldn't sleep.
I keep telling myself i'm ok and its worth it but i'm resenting it and JJ and i'm just not enjoying being a mummy at all. I'm in tears writing that cos I feel such a cow for even thinking it but i've had enough.
How people bF for 6mths+ is beyond me. I haven't had a shower in 2 days cos he's constantly attached to me or grunting and needin comforting. Its only now at 1020 in the morning i've been able to go for a wee. I've plonked him in his bouncy chair with a soother in...
I feel like giving up. At least with formula others can help me, do a night feed, take him off me.
But then I feel completely selfish for thinking that way - i'm his mum, my milk is designed for him so I should just suck it up and get on with it. Who needs sleep right?
xx
I think he has developed reflux. He brings up sick during feeds, like a clotted milky mix, fights the nipple during every feed and grunts and grunts, esp when lying down.
We elevated his mattress which seemed to help, he slept for an hour before waking for a feed but I was just on edge all night and couldn't sleep.
I keep telling myself i'm ok and its worth it but i'm resenting it and JJ and i'm just not enjoying being a mummy at all. I'm in tears writing that cos I feel such a cow for even thinking it but i've had enough.
How people bF for 6mths+ is beyond me. I haven't had a shower in 2 days cos he's constantly attached to me or grunting and needin comforting. Its only now at 1020 in the morning i've been able to go for a wee. I've plonked him in his bouncy chair with a soother in...
I feel like giving up. At least with formula others can help me, do a night feed, take him off me.
But then I feel completely selfish for thinking that way - i'm his mum, my milk is designed for him so I should just suck it up and get on with it. Who needs sleep right?
xx
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Replies
My little boy was like this, but was never confirmed as having reflux, I thought it was my milk so tried him on formula at 8 weeks and when he took to it and managed to keep it down I stopped bf, only to find that a week later he was bringing formula back too and the only way to help him keep it down was to try him with a little bit of very watered down baby rice. within a couple of weeks he was fine, keeping his milk down and thriving. I felt so guitly for giving up 'so easily' but certainly know how you feel, but would definitely recommend you speak to your hv or your doctor.
I don't have any experience of or advice regarding the reflux but I assume you can get advice on that from your midwife, or a breast feeding counsellor. If you don't already have one, I would seriously advise looking into it. I went to a breast feeding cafe run by a midwife with a special interest in BFing when my little one was about 3 weeks old and it has been massively useful to have someone to go back to for professional advice at every stage. La Leche league are also very helpful.
But I did just want to say don't feel bad what you're feeling is completely normal. Being a Mum is SO hard and there are so many moments for so many reasons when I think I just don't enjoy this get me back to my desk immedfiately!
Also I wanted to say IT DOES GET BETTER!!! Trust me. At the moment it seems unbearable and most of us have been there with the constant feeding cracked nipples up seemingly all night and feeling like it's just all too much. But I'm still BFing at 7 months and now there are no problems at all. I think it was probably at about 6 weeks that things started to suddenly get better for us. Elysia suddenly got bigger and better/quicker at feeding and things have just got better and better since.
Finally - have you got a baby bjorn or sling or similar baby carrier? I found mine massively useful - I would sling her in it while she was grizzling and just ignore her while I got on with housework or whatever and she'd invariably nod off. I found it released me from the constant feeding/comforting thing and allowed me to actually get something done. Also - don't forego your shower make sure you get one every day as it always makes you feel hugely better when you're washed and dressed. Put the baby in the bouncer in the bathroom where they can still see you and go for it, whether they are crying or not. It takes no more than a few minutes for a shower and to throw some clothes on and it won't harm your baby for them to cry for a little bit while you get yourself sorted.
Loads of love to you and hoping thing start to get easier soon.
Rx
Have you got a pump? Could you express a bit just so you can get others to help so you can have a sleep. I found I couldn't produce much when I pumped so occasionally I topped up with formula just to get a break, I know this is frowned upon but a combination of that, nipple shields and pumping were the things that kept me going in the early days!
Take an hour totally to yourself as soon as your other half is in to have a nice hot shower or something ... easier said than done I know, I could have punched people that used to say that to me as I could constantly hear Archie screaming for food!! But it did make a difference as I could relax a bit!
You've done so well and don't beat yourself up if you switch to formula, you'll still have a thriving little baby and have given him a great start! How old is he? I found the 3 week mark the worse! xx
Keep going, you're doing soooo well.
Em x
The midwives forget to tell you how truely sh*tty bfing can be but this is normal too, you are normal to feel the way you do, I never ever thought I would last until 6 months but I did and after all my moaning i'm now breaking my heart about giving it up!!!!
good luck
I keep telling myself to get to the 6 week mark before making rash decisions as SO many people tell me it will get better.
I am really lucky, like REALLY lucky in that my boobs haven't suffered, I think i'd have given up earlier if they had of done.
I have a sling coming - a friend of my due in group has sold me her's so hopefully that'll be here soon.
I have got a pump - i'm going to express later so hubby can take a night feed for me...just so i can get some sleep.
I'm worried about him having reflux - he's not a cry-y baby or massive puker but he grunts and grunts the 2nd you put him down, even if he was fast asleep. the only place he is settled is on either mine or hubbys chest. Again, I keep reminding myself he was prem and so little still so its comforting but boy o boy do I get frowned upon for it (by HV)
I think the sleep thing is the bigest issue - I could cope if I could get some sleep but he just wants to eat allllllllllllllllll the time.
xx
If it is reflux it could be why he is feeding so much as feeding will help his tummy, and ignore the bloody hv, ds would only sleep on us so thats where he slept for the first few weeks (he did sleep in his pram and crib some of the time) and he'll grow out of it. Big hugs xx
Now at nearly 9 months I am SO glad I persevered. BF is so much easier than FF, I promise you. We have just started to FF for daytime feeds as I'm going back to work and it is such a faff having to do the bottles, lol!
If you have decided to switch over the last week then that's fine too - I know we all want the best for our children and we know that "breast is best" but FF is a perfectly good alternative and you have already given your LO a tremendous start - he is lucky to have such a fab mummy!
C
I think the sleep deprivation in the first few weeks plus the worry over his huge weight loss was just too much.
He's much quicker at feeding now and will usually be satisfied after 15-20mins. I still feel a bit glued to the sofa but i no longer hate it or feel resentful.
Jackson is thriving so i'm really pleased i stuck with bfing.
xxxxxxxxxx