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Really need some advice

I would really appreciate some advice on how to wean my 13 month old son off the breast.

I have fed him on demand since birth, and he is now really clingy towards me and constantly wants to feed for comfort. He also sleeps with me as its easier for me to feed him in the night this way, as I have a 3 year old and 4 year old who I have to get up to in the mornings to get ready for school. My other two were dream babies, feeding and eating brilliantly. But I never breastfed my first son, and my second son I only breastfed for 4 months, so I believe the breastfeeding is why he's so clingy and the reason for him not getting into a routine or sleeping in his own bed, as he wont settle on his own. I know its my own fault, as I've left it so late. He does drink from a beaker when eating, but he wont take it long enough. He's also not eating enough food as he always wants to feed, and when I say no he throws massive tantrums where he makes himself sick by sticking his fingers down his throat. Milk should be secondary to food now for him, but breast milk is still his main source and I'm worried that if I stop all together he will be getting even less nutrients that he should be getting from food.

I know that until I tackle the breastfeeding issue, I wont be able to sort out the other problems. I love my son so much, and I'm proud I breastfed him for so long, I jus never imagined that it would be this long. I really want a bit of my life back. Please help!


  • Hiya jeymia,

    i dont know how much help i can be, my youngest lola self weaned at 9mnths so ive not had to wean a baby as such, 

    But i do agree with you about the clingyness, she still is!!! My son jack couldnt breastfeed at all well so mix fed from day one and bottle fully from 2-3mnths i think, and hes always settled himself, slept through at 4weeks, and went into his own room at 6mnths sleeping 15hrs! 

    Whereas lolas still a madam and screams to be in our bed some night!

    Will he take milk any other way, a bottle or a cup? when my friend weaned her son at 15mnths she expressed so it tasted the same then slowly mixed it with formular, less ebm each time, and also maybe a special teddy/comforter or even your nightie or pj top for comfort when in his own bed, With Lola i have to sit with her while she settles, we are doing gradual withdrawal, i used it sit lent on the cot with my arms in touching her, then just one, then just a hand through the bars, now i just sit beside her, hopefully i can move a bit further away soon!

    Hopefully someone else can help too! xxx

  • i am having exactly the same problem except my son is now 16 months,i never in a million years thought id breast feed for this long! he constantly demands "be be" as he calls it, he sleeps in my bed and could feed every hour and i allow it as i have to get up early for my 4 year old, i love the fact were so close and i like the together time you get from feeding but i do feel it pushes my daughter out a little as he gets very gelous if she cuddles me. midwifes told me he would just self wean but hes showing no signs of that! I have tryed expressing milk, formula, beakers, cups, bottle, dummies ect you name it iv tryed it, there must be a way of gently weaning them, i just think if i refused to feed him it would break his heart , he is also not a big eater because of all the feeding but i regually take him to clinic and hes a healthy weight so the feeding must still do them good but i do think its time to stop soon.

     hope someone can give a little advice. xxx

  • Thankyou for your help, But I feel like I've tried every option, from bottles and beakers, to cutting down feeds so he's hungry for food, but nothing works! I feel stuck! I was hoping that as he gets older he'll eventually want to go and do his own thing, but the more I think about it, the longer I leave it the harder it'll be. I think I'm just going to have to be firm and say no, as much as it might initially upset him, I know its probably the only way to go about this! But thanks anyway, and I'm glad I've found people who know exactly what I'm going through as none of my friends can relate!! I'll let you know how I get on!


    Mummy to Jaiden 4, Tyler 3, and Theo 14 Months xxx

  • hiya jeymia,

    i spoke to my mum yesterday, my sister, whos 4 now, didnt want to give up either, mum tried everything and in the end had to be firm, at 18mnths, she just said no and offered her a beaker of milk and that was that, each time, eventually charley drank from the beaker and stopped arguing, she did have tantrums and get upset but it worked in less than a week x

  • Thanks Laura! I was starting to think that being firm was my last option! I'm going to try it over the next week or so. I will let you know how I get on! x
  • i would love to be brave enough to say no too, but how would you do it in the night? charlie wakes every hour to feed, i think more for comfort then hunger so he wouldnt want a beaker/bottle of milk then, if i refuse to feed him which i have tryed many times he screams the house down, wakes my daughter ,gets up and runs around like a mad thing, it just seems so
  • That is the main problem with being firm!! I keep thinking that if I stop feeding, how the hell will I get him to sleep at night, and how will I settle him in the middle of the night!? Its a vicious circle though, as the reason I'm in this situation is cos I let him lead me, and be the one in control, rather than me limit feeds I gave into him whenever he wanted it. I know that once its done it'll get easier, but I dont think I have the patience to go through it, especially at night as I have to get up early to take my older two boys to school! Its more of a comfort thing with Theo aswell, I know he's not always hungry when hes feeding, as he cant sleep unless hes on me! Plus, hes drinking juice from a beaker alot of the time now, but when hes upset or tired he wants to feed. I have started saying 'no', as I'm going to cut down gradually, but he throws himself around like he's being attacked!!! He is clever, as he knows I'll end up giving into him if he screams long enough, just because I want a 'quiet' life! But I know I'm making things harder! Sometime this week I'm definitley going to take the first step as its getting too much now that Theos constantly in control, when it should be me.
  • i think you need to decide if you are really ready to stop. as stopping and starting just coinfuses them and him crying and then you giving in will teach him that if he protests enough , he will get what he is wanting. its not about control though. its about closeness and comfort. try to make sure he is full and tired before laying down with him . give him  a bottle with your milk in it. if he starts looking like hes going to try to find your breast. and reassure him lots that you love him. and be clear and unchanging , despite protests but with alot of calmness and love and reassurance . the need for breast will stop once you decide to really stop it and stay stopped. if you get me.  God Bless

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