only way LO goes to sleep is through breast feeding, and going back to work

oscar2 · Jan 11, 2012 9:48AM

my 4.5 month old is such a good boy, whenever he wakes at night he has a breast feed and is straight back off. in the day, he only has short power sleeps after breast feeds on my knee, but sleeps well at night, often sleeping through.

im going back to work when he's 8 months - sometimes to do night shifts. i can get him settled and asleep before i go but if he wakes in the night im so scared he'll cry all night when all it would take would be a little comfort feed if i was there. My OH is rubbish with no sleep and not very patient - he's never had to do any feeds obviously with me breast feeding. can't bare the thought of him shouting at LO when he's upset...

LO also isnt keen on a bottle although im hoping to get him good with a cup when in the next few months as he gets older. i know he'll have a struggle in the day sometimes as breast feeding is his comfort and there isnt much thats comforting about a cup, although im sure he'll get cuddles. Its the night time that just makes me feel sick to my stomach. at the moment he wakes up once in the night about 50% of the time, but he's not having solids yet and will hopefully be on 3 meals a day by the time he's 8 months. just hoping it never happens but do you think i should be trying to get him to settle an alternative way now? I hate the thought of it. x

Tigerlily13 · Jan 10, 2012 8:44AM

Have you read the baby whisperer book? She has a method called 'pick up, put down'. Basically you pick baby up when he cries, but as soon as he stops put him down. If he cries pick him up again etc.

We got stuck with Ryan's naps as when he was little he had bad wind and the only way he could get to sleep was upright, so we ended up still walking and rocking him to sleep at nearly 4 months until we tried PUPD. It does take time but now he goes down for his naps well, and at night if he wakes, he tends to just need a quick pick up and he goes off again.

Her pattern is good too, although we don't stick rigidly to the timings, Ryan eats, has activity time then sleeps, so he's not being fed to sleep, which i used to do all the time. He does eat before bedtime, but if he dozes i make sure he's awake before i pop him in his cot so he knows where he's going to sleep.

Get the book out the library, it is ace - Tracy Hogg Baby Whisperer.

xxx

Eyper · Jan 10, 2012 8:53AM

I'd start by getting him out of the habit of falling asleep at the breast. Make sure he goes to bed sleepy, but awake so that he learns how to settle himself to sleep. If he falls asleep whilst he's having his feed, gently wake him and then put him to bed. Best to tackle this issue now whilst he's still quite young, some stop falling asleep at the breast by themselves but others need a little help.

Then you can introduce other methods that your husband can repeat if you're not there, such as PUPD (which didn't work with my dd) or ssh pat, where you stroke their head saying ssh until they go to sleep.

Good luck xx

oscar2 · Jan 10, 2012 5:00PM

thanks ladies. ive hit a bit of a brick wall tonight, my LO was feeding then coming off grinning at me and cooing. when we tried again he did the same. he obviously wasnt hungry anymore so i put him in his cot with a dummy, i tried really hard not to put him back on the breast. when he cried i ssshhhed him and gave him his dummy back. I even rested on the nursery floor (where he couldnt see me) and watched him looking round and round and round wide awake, grabbing his blankets and studying them, rubbing his face, looking round some more...then crying again. He just doesnt know how to settle himself. in the end i breast fed him to sleep.

I feel so angry with myself as ive always said he was a good baby, fully breast fed and sleeping through at 12 weeks which is very rare...i think i just thought i had it all sorted and all along i was falling into the two biggest traps there are...he can't settle or eat without me. And when he is without me, because of the mistakes ive made, he will suffer.

The bottom line is he needs me too much for me to go back to work and theres nothing i can do as i have to.

I hear what you're saying about the methods and i guess im going to have to start trying - i find it all miserable as i just hate to hear him cry for long and i could never be one of these mummies who leaves him. But my OH will not have the same patience.

im off to a return to work seminar by the health visitor tomorrow so i will be loaded up with questions. It just hurts so much to think of putting him through leaving him as he's going to think i just don't want to be there and nothing could be further from the truth.

Sorry for the self pity! xx

LouLouBelle · Jan 10, 2012 6:54PM

Hi Alfie,

Replied in Baby forum

Tigerlily13 · Jan 11, 2012 9:48AM

Re bottles, have you tried breastflow? We use them and they are really good.

Please don't blame yourself. Decide which method you want to do, and stick with it as it will take time, but will be worth it when you can leave him.

xxx

only way LO goes to sleep is through breast feeding, and going back to work

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