Does Your Mother Know??

I'd be really interested to know how many of you have told your parents that you are trying, particularly if it's taking a while or if there are problems.... (I've got PCOS).

I'm in two minds.... I don't want the feeling of failure if I say we're trying and then don't produce a grandchild but on the other hand my sister was diagnosed with PCO a couple of years back and said she'd spoken with my mother about it and she reckons he has it too. So that leaves me with a whole load of questions I kinda want to ask.... But I can't really do that without giving the game away, can I??!!

What are your experiences of telling/not telling and would you have done anything differently?

Baby dust xx

(Similar to a post I've put up in PCOS)
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  • My parents know I want another, but they have no idea that we're trying so soon (DD is 6 1/2 months). They think we're moving to the states within the next year and then start trying a couple years after being settled. We decided to try for number 2 and put off moving for a year but no one knows.

    I really don't want to hear any negative comments about us having number 2 so soon, so not only are we not telling anyone that we're trying, but when I get my bfp we're not telling anyone until I start showing (which might only be 2 months cause I showed early with dd).

    If there are problems it might be nice for your parents to know, but that also depends on what type of parents they are and how close you are to them. I know if I had any problems I would tell my parents cause I would want their support.
  • Mornin MrsR

    I think it all depends on the relationship with your mum. I am close to my mum and we get on very well, but Im not as close as other people are with their mothers, who share everything.

    I think the reason I havent told my mum is because I would hate her to tell me to wait a few years or try to put me off the idea. But deep down I dont think she would tell me that, but Im too scared in case she did. Does that make sense?

    Sorry to be a bit rambley! Are you as close to your mum as your sister is?
  • hiya, my parents think we are trying for a baby after our wedding (in may) but actually i came off the pill in jan, in a way i reallllly want to teel them, but again, if it takes a while for us to conceive im worried they will keep asking, and i know that will stress me out, and put pressure on us, so we decided to keep it quiet for a few months xxxx
  • I have decided not to tell my mum, she was diagnosed with cancer in September and would really love a grandchild. I feel it would be putting to much pressure on hubby of she knew and was constantly asking us about it.
  • hi,
    i agree with mrsallen08, it depends on the relationship with your mum, i get on with my mum so well, so i told her.

    so its up to you some people just want to keep it quite, some don't.

    xxxxxx
  • My mum doesn't know I am ttc as I'm not close to her, but MIL knows I want a baby but doesn't know when or if I am ttc. I have a few friends that know, its great being able to talk to other people in the same position without boring hubby to tears with baby talk all the time.The only thing is I haven't told oh I have told others as he would kill me, lol. He wants to keep it a secret, but I'm that excited I just couldn't keep it all to myself!! It just depends on the individual really xx
  • i haven't told my mum, we don't get on fantastically anyway, and in all honesty i've been debating whteher ornot i'll tell her when we get a bfp or wait til 12weeks, when i was pregnant with ds we dound out he was a boy at 20week scan, next day i phoned my brother to tell him and she'd already told him, even tho i told her not to...so i doubt she'd be able to keep it to herself and if she did blab we'd fall out big time, so think i'llplay it safe and keep schtum from her about ttc too xx
  • My mum didn't know we were ttc last time (noone did!) and although she knows I already want another and that I'm not on any contraception she doesn't know how well we're 'trying' if that makes sense! x
  • I've told my mum and she's been really supportive. We're very close and I figure you need to be able to talk to someone other than your OH. I don't get to see my old friends very often these days since I moved, and most of my friends round here are connected to my OH. And its a complete taboo at work, so I guess my mum is a good option. She's been great about it - she's excited, but sensible enough to help me keep level headed. x
  • Thanks for your replies girls - it's a funny old thing. I'm just as close to my mother as my sis and see her a lot more as my sis lives in Chile! But she isn't trying or anything, she was just scanned randomly (the medical care is a bit more thorough there!) and they found cysts on her ovaries so she told us both. If I say it's obvious we're trying.
    Just kinda scared that once I tell her it's out and I can't reverse that! I want to know a lot about her experiences but don't want lots and lots of 'advice' if that makes sense!
    H xx
  • In a roundabout sort of way, yes, my mom knows. I told her we had a m/c earlier and she knows we want a 2nd child... Besides I'm 36 so tick tock, tick tock goes my biological clock :roll:
  • my mum knows we are trying 4 no2, n i have told my best friend (even though her OH is my OH's brother) n sworn them both 2 secrecy lol!! its common knowledge to all my friends/colleagues/family that we want another but havent told any of them we're actively trying!!

    u could tell ur mum u've got a "friend" who's trying and has PCOS n see if she'll volunteer some info 4 u!!

    I have PCOS 2 hun so if u ever wanna chat about it, just holla xxx
  • My mum does not know. She knew last time but is getting treament for breast cancer atm so dont want her worrting about me. She wont be long finding out though as I usually end up in hospital with hyperemesis about 7weeks :cry:

    It is good having someone to talk to but I have told a couple of friends xxx
  • Well I have told Mam and didn't get the response I was hoping for. She thinks it is too soon. Basically I am waiting for my decree nisi from my 2 year marriage that just didn't work. I asked for a divorce in August last year; husband moved out in November. I started dating someone i already knew as a friend in October time. I have known him since March last year and we are so happy together, have so much more in common and we just constantly laugh. I forgot how it feels to be happy. We have both decided that we would love to have children. I am 28 years old and I just think life is too short to be worried about what people will think. My Mam said "its not that i don't agree, you know your own mind and there'll be nobody happier than me but i think it is a bit soon, sorry to burst your bubble". I was quite gutted last night and felt very deflated after being so excited about everything :cry:xx
  • Oh no Shoegal, sorry to hear that your mother didn't react in the way you wanted. And babylove sorry to hear you're having a tough time.
    Most of my close girlfriends know and a couple of them have babies and one has PCOS and needed help to get pg so I can talk about it a lot with them. My DH's sister and uncle know so don't know if all his family know or not - haven't seen them since Christmas but visiting next week so we'll see. But to be honest I won't feel pressure from the in-laws knowing as they're super chilled out. Not that my mother will put any pressure on me but I think it'll do my head in if she keeps asking about it or giving me 'advice.' She'll probably research it on the internet and tell me what I should do and so on.....
    Waaaa!!! That would seriously bug me! But it would be nice to know how things were when she got pg with me and my sis....
    I think I'll keep quiet for now..... Until I crack!
    Baby dust xx
  • Both my mum and dad know, but I don't really discuss it with them. They're very laid back and say it'll happen when it happens, but I could talk to them if I wanted. My sis is extremely excited as she desperately wants to be an aunt! lol!
    However I wouldn't tell them till my first scan, just to be on the safe side xxx
  • My parents know as I had a mmc in January at 11 weeks, so I had told some people by then I was pg as I had had 2 normal scans by then. So of course everyones obvious question was 'will you try again?'

    Some people we said 'we don't know' to and others, like parents we told them we are. My Mum is not much help though and I do wish she didn't know. Full of 'advice' and looking things up on the net. "Maybe it was 'this or that' that was the problem for you last time", "Don't drink if you're ttc", (which with my job is almost impossible as if I didn't I'd be stressed if I didn't have a couple of wines on a w/e which in my mind is worse).

    I think the fact that you have friends in similar positions who can help you I think is great and I would lean on them if I were you. Plus medicine has changed considerably in the last 20 odd years (not sure how old you are!) so I doubt her experience would be much use to you now, but I guess you never know.

    If I were you i'd go with your gut on this one. Good luck in ttc. Hopefully you'll just be able to tell them soon that you're pg! :\)
  • I'm awful, I have told my mum and dad and lots of my friends! I am not a secretive person though, and I talk ALOT, I think I would burst if I couldn't talk to people about it! When people ask me if we are preg yet, I am just honest and say I am having problems and going to docs for tests, so it might take us a bit longer than normal. I have always been like that about things though, maybe a bit too honest and open!!

    You might find it useful to talk to your mum if she had similar problems? Although hopefully you will be preg soon and it won't be an issue anyway! xx
  • Yes my Mum knows, she knew soon after our wedding (last aug) we would be trying.
    I had a mc over xmas and knew about that, needed her support!
    Does add to the pressure though a little,
    xxx
  • My mum knows...I told her when we started in October 09 but she hasn't really brought it up since. it almost feels like she doesn't want to talk about it.
    I am not originally from this country so it could be a cultural thing or maybe an age thing...not sure. I could do with a chat sometimes...especially today, AF late and a BFN on FR, but I'm not going to force the subject.
    No-one else knows though...kept is secret from my dad and sister and friends.
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