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Unmarried & Single Mothers- opinions needed please!
Hi ladies,
Although I have posted this for unmarried & single mother's anyone's opinions are welcome.
I am now 37 weeks pregnant & will find out tomorrow if I am going to be induced before 40 weeks or not so baby's birth is very imminent.
Basically I am not in a relationship with my baby's Dad & when I became pregnant we were just sleeping together, it was a no strings attached friendship but when my pill failed we became expectant parents.
There have been a lot of ups & downs over the months but now the baby naming is a much talked about subject & I can't seem to be able to tell him that I want the baby to take my surname.
We had discussed it a few months ago & he had said that if I were to be married in the future then the child would have a different name from me but I said that up until that point it would still have a different name from me- this made no difference. His sister has been referring to the baby using their surname & I don't want to cause another argument (there have been plenty!) with him but I need some pointers I can put to him that are valid for the baby taking my surname!
Thanks in advance
Lauren xxx
Although I have posted this for unmarried & single mother's anyone's opinions are welcome.
I am now 37 weeks pregnant & will find out tomorrow if I am going to be induced before 40 weeks or not so baby's birth is very imminent.
Basically I am not in a relationship with my baby's Dad & when I became pregnant we were just sleeping together, it was a no strings attached friendship but when my pill failed we became expectant parents.
There have been a lot of ups & downs over the months but now the baby naming is a much talked about subject & I can't seem to be able to tell him that I want the baby to take my surname.
We had discussed it a few months ago & he had said that if I were to be married in the future then the child would have a different name from me but I said that up until that point it would still have a different name from me- this made no difference. His sister has been referring to the baby using their surname & I don't want to cause another argument (there have been plenty!) with him but I need some pointers I can put to him that are valid for the baby taking my surname!
Thanks in advance
Lauren xxx
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Replies
i am unmarried but ive with my bf, the baby will be taking his name, but we do plan to marry in a few years. If we were never going to marry i wouldnt want the baby to take his surname.
x x
There is nothing more saddening to me that to see two people at war over child-related issues. (Don't worry I know your not at that stage and I'm not accusing you of being like this) but I would be wary of how these things start - both parents start off wanting to do what they think is best or right but sometimes people's views differ. In a married couple or partnership you are forced to find a compromise but if you're not together it's all too easy to each act autonomously and without communication and co-operation. Before you know it your tensions and bitterness overtake events and what's best for baby has gone out of the window without either of you realising it.
As I say, I'm not suggesting this is what is/will happen to you but I would urge you to talk to your baby's father about it and if you have any concerns explain them to him and also listen to his concerns and point of view. This is just the first decision that you are going to have to make together throughout your child's long life, so start as you mean to go on. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your baby.
Best wishes
After my long rant i MUST make sure i point out to seriously think long and hard how you will feel if baby was to take his name and if like me you would be really upset by it then i would put up with all the arguements and go with what your heart tells you. So sorry if i sound like a bunny boiling cow but the story is longer and id be on here for weeks trying to explain what he is really like i.e never done a night feed in his life doesnt do changing nappies etc only thing he will do is prance around looking like a doting farther in front of ppl then when no-one's around its straight back to me doing everything even now when ive been put on strict rest because of early labour PLZ dont think bad of me Sophie 32+5 xx
A huge thank you for all of your varied opinions on this they have helped me to see things in a clearer light. I am going to have a proper chat with him (nightmare getting him to sit down & talk) this week about several things & this is the main priority.
I've kind of decided that I am going to double-barrell the name & when the child is older if he/she decides to change their name then it's their choice & we have at least given them both options.
Lauren (37+1) xxx
I'd be inclined to double barrel it as well, makes it easier.
Sarah & 32 weeks Bump xx
abbie,hope+bluebump 34wk+5
I also have a 6 year old from a previous casual relationship - no commitment, just sleeping together etc. etc. and there was never any question of her having her father's name, she has my name (although his name is on the birth certificate) as I have brought her up on my own - with him having regular contact. She's at school now and I would hate it if I had to go up to the school and have to keep explaining that I'm her mother but I have a different name - I think that's all wrong - sorry just my personal opinion x