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i need some advice
this is kind of long but its about my relationship. i dont know what to do & need some advice.
ive been with my oh for 2 and a half yrs and we have a 12 weeks old baby boy. he is extremely immature at times and when hes not sleeping he is on the computer. im not joking its 24/7. me and my baby get ignored and i have to do everything for sam by myself. he doesnt get up at night and he huffs and puffs if i ask him to do so much as to change a nappy. last night (new years eve) he walked out the house at 8pm leavin me and my baby by ourselves. my lo is very ill at the mo and is choked with the cold - he didnt come home until 3pm the next day. he went out partying with his friends. i dont know how to make him see the way he treats me is wrong. he said he shouldnt have to sit inside on new years eve listening to a baby cry and that he wanted to have fun. i practically have to force him to hold/bath/change our lo and im stuggling by myself and not only that i have pnd. when i found out what was "wrong" with me, he said "oh i dont believe in depression. people who want to hurt themselves are STUPID". my oh is a complete arse as u can see and pisses me off on a daily basis. a few days ago my lo was sleeping upstairs in his cot and i was downstairs sleeping on the couch (exhausted from being up all night with sam whilst sleeping beauty had a nice 12 hour sleep) and my oh went out without waking me up to tell me, and he had shut the bedroom door. i woke up in an empty house with my baby screaming upstairs, i have no idea how long he'd been crying for cus the door was shut
( I dont know what to do. he puts his computer first and has broken up with previous partners because they have objected to him being sat in front of it all day and all night. i cant cope anymore, i want to leave him but at the same time im scared what life will be like without him. the house is his and so is all the money, i dont have anything and would end up being homeless. i already feel like a single parent but to actually be one would terrify me.im so miserable. opinions please...ive tried talking to him but he wont come down off his high horse for a second to listen to me. hes right and im wrong and thats the way its always going to be apparently.
ive been with my oh for 2 and a half yrs and we have a 12 weeks old baby boy. he is extremely immature at times and when hes not sleeping he is on the computer. im not joking its 24/7. me and my baby get ignored and i have to do everything for sam by myself. he doesnt get up at night and he huffs and puffs if i ask him to do so much as to change a nappy. last night (new years eve) he walked out the house at 8pm leavin me and my baby by ourselves. my lo is very ill at the mo and is choked with the cold - he didnt come home until 3pm the next day. he went out partying with his friends. i dont know how to make him see the way he treats me is wrong. he said he shouldnt have to sit inside on new years eve listening to a baby cry and that he wanted to have fun. i practically have to force him to hold/bath/change our lo and im stuggling by myself and not only that i have pnd. when i found out what was "wrong" with me, he said "oh i dont believe in depression. people who want to hurt themselves are STUPID". my oh is a complete arse as u can see and pisses me off on a daily basis. a few days ago my lo was sleeping upstairs in his cot and i was downstairs sleeping on the couch (exhausted from being up all night with sam whilst sleeping beauty had a nice 12 hour sleep) and my oh went out without waking me up to tell me, and he had shut the bedroom door. i woke up in an empty house with my baby screaming upstairs, i have no idea how long he'd been crying for cus the door was shut
( I dont know what to do. he puts his computer first and has broken up with previous partners because they have objected to him being sat in front of it all day and all night. i cant cope anymore, i want to leave him but at the same time im scared what life will be like without him. the house is his and so is all the money, i dont have anything and would end up being homeless. i already feel like a single parent but to actually be one would terrify me.im so miserable. opinions please...ive tried talking to him but he wont come down off his high horse for a second to listen to me. hes right and im wrong and thats the way its always going to be apparently. 0
Replies
i dont know what to do - i really dislike him but i love him and need him all at the same time, its so confusing. i know i deserve better but im scared
[Modified by: Emilie on January 02, 2008 12:33 AM]
take care
Lin.
thanks for replying xxx
but like some people have said it might sink in a little written on a letter where he can mull it over. takecare hayley xxx
So sorry to hear your are having a hard time, not really sure what advice I can give, as I'm going through a crap time myself.
But sending him a letter expressing your feelings etc sounds a good idea, just wish I'd been better at expressing my feelings in the past.
Also having a break away for a few days sounds good too.
Take care
Vanessa
he does need to grow up and realise that he has responsibilities now and to realise what you are going through!!! arggggh :evil: kick him up the ass for me ;\)
it took for me to get pnd with ds2 my o/h to change as he had to learn how to look after the kids (as i just couldn't cope at all!)
leave him with the l/o for the day, or leave with the l/o for the weekend so he realises what he'll be missing if he doesn't change. if he doesn't change you are never going to be happy you really need his support or for him not to be there at all
do you have other people who can support you, mum, close family/ friends? is your hv there for you to talk to?
drastic measure: throw the computer away!!! then you'll know which he loves more
how old is you o/h btw? i can't believe he went out for nye and left you home alone!!! did you agree for him to go out? (or does he not bother to ask your opinion?) :roll:
you can email me too if you want to chat or just offload ;\)
good luck to you hun *big hug*
Where sleeping at night is concerned I would either discuss this with him telling him that you WON'T be getting up every night and pick say two nights (to start with) and tell him that on these nights you will bath lo and put him to bed but lo is his responsibility till morning. On the other nights when you are getting up with lo set two nights as his turn to bath lo.
This way he is sharing SOME of the responsibility but not even half. If you think it would just turn into an argument then do just put it into a letter. I would also include all the other household chores that I am assuming he doesn't bother to help with in that like cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding lo etc.
I just think some men need a kick up the backside before they will help but give him one coz if you let him treat you like this then he will. He needs to show you a bit more respect and start treating you like a human being. If this doesn't work- and trust me I've been in this situation draw the line and leave him even for a break- noone deserves to be treated like a doormat. I have a friend who has this chat with her oh practically every month- it works for a week or two then hes back to his old ways don't let that happen and also don't feel like you asking him to do stuff hes doing YOU a favour or anything coz at the end of the day he was a big enough boy to go halves in making the baby
Good luck-you will need it girl!!