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Shall I leave OH?

Hi ladies

I really need some advice from other single mums if anyone could help me?
I'm not a single mum yet but I'm seriously thinking about leaving OH.

I don't love him. We were only together for about 3 months before I discovered I was preggers. I didn't meet him and think "this is the person I want to have children with". I know that if it wasn't for LO we would have split a long time ago.
I cannot see any future with this guy - we could not be more different. I love being with LO Max - taking him to baby groups, the park, etc and love being a mum. OH just wants to go out with his mates and get drunk. Once he spent Max's child benefit on booze and drugs, then felt really ill and wanted MY sympathy!! :x

I feel guilty, though. He obviously wants to live with me and Max and the alternative is single guys pad type thing. I can't stay with this guy just because of guilt, can I?

How do you approach this subject with OH? Just come out with it?? And then what??
What do you do? We're renting and I can't afford rent on my own...
What a mess :cry:


  • hi hun.
    i split with my oh a couple of months ago and life is sooo much better.
    its hard at 1st but you get used to it.
    we were together for 3.5 years in total. everything was fine until we had rhianna...then my life changed but like your oh...he still wanted to go out, sleep in til lunch or lay in front of the tv.
    i was doing everything on my own anyway so him going hasn't really changed anything, other than the house is alot calmer without all the arguments and i'm not clearing up after him as well as my lo!!!!
    don't feel guilty hunny...its not fair on any of you, especially your lo if you stay together for the sake of a baby.
    if you don't love him and you rnot should end it and move on...if your not happy, your baby will pick up on it.
    as for get so much help...i get income support, child tax credit, child benefit and housing and council tax benefit...and ??100 a month maintenance.
    i never wanted to go on benefits, probably because of my pride, but needs must and when i think of all the tax i have paid then all the foreigners moving here claiming...why shouldn't i?
    i think you should speak to your oh and tell him your not happy, you never know, he might be able to change...although from my experience...they may do for all of a few weeks!!!!
    then see what he says and if things don't change, tell him to move out, you could even apply to the council for housing.
    make sure he gives you maintenance though, we make a written agreement between us rather than go through the csa, seems more amicable.
    good luck hun, hope it all turns out ok for you.
    love and hugs, leona
  • hi i am Louise i have spillt from my ex - hasband for nearly 3 years and i haven't seen him since my little girl was born and she is nearly 3 now in june and well he haven't seen my children at all and i have two children one boy and one girl and has far as i see we are better off without him.
    but if you don't love him when you don't have to be with him if you don't want to but as long as he could see the child when he will have nothing to put against you and it will be hard but when you will get used to it and it will give you time to think what you want your life to be like with your child.
  • Hi hun - my advice is if you aren't happy then split.
    Everyone's circumstances are different (I was with OH 6 years, LO was very planned, we tried for a long while, went down fertility treatment route and then he left when LO was 11 weeks....... you never can tell the outcome sometimes).

    But you can really do without him if he spends the child benefit on booze and drugs!
    Don't string it out, I'd come straight out with it.

    As you are renting you will get lots of help, unfortunately I own my house and cannot get any help at all so at this rate it will end up repossessed if OH doesn't pay me some money soon.
    Citizens Advice can help you with a lot of info there.
    Whatever you decide then good luck - just remember a happy mummy = happy baby..........

  • hunny, the job centre can offer more advice on benefits and you have to apply for income support through them.
    i phoned income support (0800 055 6688) and they filled the fom out for me then made an appointment for me to go into my local job centre to finalise it all.
    hope you've had the courage to bite the bullet and talk to him.
    being on your own really isn't that bad and you sound like you'll be so much better off. don't feel guilty.
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