my baby is so unhappy

Hi
I am so sad my baby just cries all the time I have tried everything, she is just over 6 weeks old and the only time she does not cry is when she is alseep or for half an hour when she first wakes up.
I do not feel as if I am getting any support from the HV or GP I have spoken to them both they think it is colic I have tried infacol, gripe water and brought colief yesterday.

I am so upset, just spoke to the duty doctor who said call and get an appt for both of you for next week as she thinks I am a little depressed and the receptionist said there are no appts and have to ring on day at 8am for cancellations, so once again I just feel as if I am not really getting anywhere

Helen
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Posts

  • awh hun i know exactly how you feel. My lo was the same till about 3 months old! Have you tried a baby sling as it worked wonders for us and he got soothed by being close x
  • how is she fed?

    Is she every sick much?

    Do you have a baby carrier?

    Do you manage to get out to any groups or activities?

    How much does she sleep at night and in the day?

    Does she have plenty of wet and dirty nappies?

    Sorry for all the questions but with a bit more info we might be able to help more. Sorry you are finding it so hard and not getting the help and support you and your lo deserve and need! HUGS
  • Oh hon. How long has she been crying like this? Could she be hungry? There's a big growth spurt at about 6 weeks so it's a possibility.

    Does she calm down when out and about? A good walk will help both of you, although the weather's not great today. But getting cabin fever from being in the house with a crying baby won't help.

    Do you have any friends or family nearby who can come sit with her for an hour while you clear your head?

    Keep going with the colic stuff too just in case.

    Hope she calms down soon for you, and that you manage to speak to your doctor soon x
  • Hi

    I have a baby sling but she only goes in it if her dad wears it, she is not very sick spits up quite a bit though, she struggles to have a poo when she finally goes it is normal looking. I am changing to formula from breast as that has been a nightmare for us both so currently miced feeding to reduce to Formula.

    I have met some other mums from yoga and NCT I went out to the cinema last night with them it felt so good to have a break, I live about an hour away from my sister and my surrogate mum, my own mum died it is her anniversary this week so i think that is why i am also feeling low.

    The doctor said it could be reflux I am going to go to clinic this afternoon and try again to talk to HV.

    I just do not feel as if I am doing a very good job, you all seem to know what to do I read the posts and everyone has such brillant advice

    Maybe it is the 6 week growth spurt I really hope so, the nights are different all the time some nights we are up most of it other nights she is only up twice

    love
    Helen
    xxxxx
  • Good to hear you have had a break and are meeting people that;s great!

    If they think it could be reflux - ask for a prescription to try and make it better.

    At 6 weeks old I did not know what I was doing either - I am sure you are doing a great job you and oh and your lo are still just learning!

    this week will surely be hard for you with your mum's anniversary!

    Give yourself a pat on the back, chat to the hv again today, and you will work through it! image
  • Oh dear, hon. I can assure you every single one of us felt like you in the early days!

    I put Oscar in a routine at 6 weeks and things started clicking for me then, but I remember feeling like I wasn't even able to breathe till he was 2 months and Rich got used to coming home to me in tears because something had changed and I didn't understand my own child and a million other things.

    It does get better hon, try not to be too hard on yourself. Especially with your mum's anniversary coming up.

    Good luck at the clinic x
  • Oh hun

    I am really sorry your having such a time of it, but trust me you are doing a fab job. It's relaly hard work as I am finding out I had Rose 17 days ago now and she is just starting to cry a lot of what seems like no reason and seems to have a real hard time to pass wind bless her I think she has colic.

    I would say just rest yourself as much as you can and know you are doing a wonderful job, I have heard the first 6 weeks are very hard but it does get easier and I have just made sure when Rose is screaming her head off I take just a few mins away from her clear my head and start again. I found going out for a walk with her does help she falls a sleep and then seems much better after that.

    We are all hear for you if you need any of us, sorry I don't have much advice being a new mummy I am learning to but we are all here to help you

    K xx
  • right I am going to put some make up on and a brave face and a smile and go to clinic,
    thanks for listening to me you are all lovely

    Helen
    xxxx
  • Hi

    I just wanted to say you are not a bad mummy at all. I had a similar thing with my second baby and it was a total shock - my first was obviously a very easy baby and I only realised that when no. 2 came along. Thea cried day and night and it was very tough with a 15 month old to look after. In the early days I regularly didn't get her to sleep until 5am. The HV's said it was a bad case of colic and my Dr diagnosed reflux but the meds they gave did little to ease the crying. I tried everything all the wind remedies available, slings, swings etc etc. In the buggy she cried, in the car she cried. When she was seven weeks my mum thought I was having a breakdown I was physically and mentally exhausted. I felt like I was failing my baby and also my then fifteen month old

    In the end I started to take her to a cranial osteopath out of desperation. On our fourth visit she started to go to bed at 7pm so I had at least the evenings to myself (she still cried a lot in the day) she also started to fall asleep in the day, in her buggy and in the car. Ironically on the same day I also started colief. I cannot say for sure whether it was the osteopath, the colief or just Thea adjusting t the outside world or her digestion settling down that made the situation better but it didn't matter. Either way I was just relieved. Days gradually got better. I'll never know the cause of the crying and Thea is still quite a touchy baby and bursts into tears when I open a package, turn the hoover on etc so some of it may just have been her personality.

    My advice would be to try everything suggested. Get out and about. I used to go for long walks and even though Thea was crying in the buggy it felt a lot better than being indoors. Go and see people. Peope will take over and give you a break.

    It will get better. Just about everyone who has been through this says it will end and it does it's just coping techniques to get through it.

    Also think carefully about giving up BF. I hadn't been able to BF my eldest and really wanted to breast feed Thea. With the suggestions from HV that my diet may be causing the colic (try cutting this out of your diet, try cutting that out) etc and other reasons such as needing a break I eventually gave up BF - I don't believe I was thinking straight then and I regretted it and still do. Changing to formula made no difference whatsoever for Thea. Once you give up it is hard or impossible to go back. But if formula is best for you and baby don't feel bad about it at all.

    But you are doing a fantastic job don't ever let yourself think otherwise.

    [Modified by: teenytiny on August 26, 2009 01:35 PM]

  • I'm sadly a lurker, i.e. no baby just yet, but I can tell you a good story. My friend's baby was exactly the same, he had hideous colic, but on the 6/7 month stage he seemed to get past it somehow and he is now the loveliest loveliest boy ever ... there is hope, please just persevere.
  • Quick answer here - a lo's crying normally peaks at around 6 weeks old. I know Charlotte's did!! After then once you are in a routine it will help you & lo settle down together. xx
  • Hi,

    Just wanted to echo everyone else really. You are defo not failing lo or are a bad mum so stop that right now!!

    Our little treasure had epic colic and just incase that wasn't bad enough, he had night and day seriously mixed up.

    We put him in a routine from week 2 mostly for our sanity rather than to help him. So we'd bath the boy at 7pm which was right in the screaming time. So much so that bath time became affectionately called torture time!

    Anyway, we persevered with this, changed his avent bottles to Dr Brown and then MAM bottles, infacol'd him up (he's still on this now at 3 months) and borrowed a battery powered electric swing from a friend (these are amazing inventions!). Eventually he cried less and less and got the hang of day and night. Now we just a half an hour of grumpiness and some nights nothing at all.

    I can't tell you how much I have cried in despair the last three months but I think it's just par for the course. It gets better, I promise x
  • Aw hun !!

    I cant give any advice on the colic or refluz as charlotte never had either but I know about the crying. Charlotte became like that at around 6 or 7 weeks and again at around 15 weeks but both phases ended.

    In the early days I used to carry her around in a sling, she would scream when first put in but then calm down and snooze, or I would take her for a walk.

    Just remember it will improve. One thing I used to have to frequently remind myself is thaty she isnt crying to spite me or be annoying, this is her form of communication. She knows nothing else, especially at 6 weeks of age and in the same way that I get in a bad mood for no reason she does too !

    But above all else you must take care of yourself, make sure you are getting out the house, meeting friends/family and taking some "me" time even if its just a bath.

    On the breastfeeding note I can sympathise. Chalotte would not breastfeed for the life of me ! I spent 2 weeks trying which would just resulted in hours of her screaming and me crying, in the end I gave in and moved solely to formula. Do I regret it, yes everyday; Do I wish I had tried harder, yes; Do i know i ultimatly did the right thing for my sanity and for charlotte, ABSOLUTLY !! You must do what feels right and makes you happy, charlotte is thriving on formula and your lo will too.

    Chin up babes, you are doing at fab job ! There is no instruction manual, you just go with what works and drop what doesnt work and as my Mum constantly reminds me, she is still learning to be a parent and my oldest sibling is 31 !!
  • Hi hun, I just wanted to say that I found the first 6 weeks with my eldest to be the hardest 6 weeks of my life! She wasn't diagnosed with anything but she obv had bad tummy pains and wouldn't sleep at night unless I held her almost upright against my chest. She would cry a lot at night and it did make me angry cos I was so desperate for a rest. But thankfully something changed after 6 weeks and she cried less and became a lot happier, and settled better at night. I don't know if it was the infacol or just that she'd settled into life but things really improved from there. I think how you feel is normal, but if it's getting you really low then speak to your gp.
    xxx
  • Hello

    I went to clinic and the HV is coming to my house on Friday to have a chat and to see Lily in her home environment, I broke down in the clinic not a good look as I had put make up on nice panda eyes.

    When my hubby came home I told him how I was feeling and he gave me a massive hug, we bathed Lily at 6.30pm she was sobbing as usual but relaxed a little, I gave her a bottle and whilst feeding you did the most enormous poo, bless her I felt her whole body relax, she has gone to sleep at 7pm and is still fast asleep, I have had a nice bath, washed my hair and managed to sit and catch up on emails.

    Thanks everyone again it really lifts your spirits to hear other babies have been thought this.

    love to everyone
    Helen
    xxxxx
  • Is she consitpated if it's that much effort to poo?

    Glad the hv listened and is coming to see her and you at home. I have broken down in clinic before too like you say not the best look but it probably made you feel better!
  • Cally also had bad colic and constipation. We took her to a chiropractor at 7 weeks and there was some improvement. In fact, she is now 10 months and we still go once a month. My HV also showed me a special massage routine to help colic, that really helped too.
    Just suggestions in case it is colic. Cally is my 4th child but the 1st to cry so much and I got very low and felt a failure. But it does get better as they get older - for ages now everyone has commented on what a happy smiley baby Cally is.
    It is tough in the beginning but you are doing a great job.
    Take care, xx
  • Evening,
    Most of the mummies on hear who have over 500 posts, their los are around the 1 year old mark or older. (Dont shout at me if your not included in these figures-its a rough estimate!). Therefore they have lots of experience and advice through trial and error when their los were newborns. I remember when my lo was around 2mths thinking, they tell you how to bath and feed a baby but theres so much else you just have to pick up and learn. At times it felt like having a baby i was thrown in at the deep end and expected to know everything!

    My daughtr has never suffered with colic. However, I believe I am right in saying that you need to use infacol on a daily basis and it can take several days before you see any results.

    You say, your los daddy is the only person who carries your lo in a baby carrier. Are you able to use it to. I brought a bjorn for my lo at around 3mths and wished i brought it earlier. It meant we were tummy to tummy and my hands were free. I could do things around the house and take her out and about.

    I know its hard when the los are so young, but after spending weeks in the house and not venturing out much. I found going out in the frsh air really helped clear my head. Even if it was just sitting in the garden.

    I do hope your hv offers you the support you need.

    If you want to bf, ask your hv for support in your area. I rememeber in the first 3 months I felt like giving up, but in my mind I knew I wanted to feed my lo for as long as possible. I got past the 3 months and was very thankful to have been able to feed my lo to her 1st birthday. It does get better and easier. HUGS x
  • I am not sure it is constipation as the nappy was quite loose! I have tried the carrier but she would not settle I think I will give it another go tomorrow at least then I can get stuff done around the house
  • Hi, just wanted to say I felt exactly like this - used to be in tears thinking that Joseph didn't like me because he cried so much. But have now come through the other side (he's now 3 months) and the thing that made a big difference was when he started smiling - it's so wonderful to see his little face light up and just makes your day. Makes up for all the crying! Good luck!
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