Forum home Family life & relationships Relationships

pregnant and abandoned by my best friend :S

i met met best friend amy 3 years ago, just as i found out i was pregnant with my daughter who's now 2. my friend is a brillliant friend when she wants to be but if something or some one (usually a man ) comes along she deserts me. ive nw 13 weeks pregnant with my second baby and she has been funny with me since i told her.and hasnt even bothered 2 text 2 see how my scan went yesterday. im just so confused. have i done something wrong? x


  • hey PM .. in one word.. NO!!


    i have been/am in this situation... i had my little girl in oct 07 and up untill that point i had who i thought was more than a best friend but a sister to me! we worked together socialised together and even lived together for a year having never had an argument we were totally honest with each other not always agreeing but there was such love respect honesty everything it was fantastic... she was the first person i told (after oh) when we found out we were expecting and even then she was supportive excited and couldnt wait to be an auntie! she texted me encouragement and love throughout my labour and was the first non relative to visit the hospital after my c section.

    it slowly fizzeled out after i came home from the hospital.. once my oh went back to work i thought my maternity leave would be spent with lazy days with my friend when she wasnt working obviously and letting her bring me out of the baby bubble and into the real world for a day a week

    well that was the plan... she obviously didnt have a clue about babies and 2weeks after i had my daughter (via c section) she asked if i wanted to go out that friday.. i said no.. then the next week and the week after that.. (iwas exclusive bfing, boyf works evening weekends so there was no way even if i did have the energy (which i didnt!!) i became concious of the fact i was saying no all the time so tried to arrange lunches at mine or out to try to compromise, anyway slowly bit by bit it ran into months of not hearing from her at all and thats really been it... shes been no support my lo doesnt know who she is shes not even been to my house that we moved into 13months ago! i got the odd obligatory text every few months asking how we were and id reply (prob not straight away but i have achild running around/!) and she would never send another text. and if i suggesting meeting in my reply she would either ignore that or say "yeah tuesdays good will txt to arrange" then i would never get that text or replies that day if i texted first...

    so i pretty much gave up.. saddened by the state of our so called friendship but moving on with my life and replying to those random texts in a small hope things would look up.. but i guess some people dont really understand the full extent of having a child....

    the best bit is.. i got a text asking to meet on a paricular day and time ... i agreed and waited at the allocated meeting place at the time to finally meet up with her... for her to tell me she is now pregnant and how great it is that it can bring us closer again!!!!! WTF!!!

    am i being stubborn but why should i support her when she didnt support me??? or should i clutch at everything and try to grab hold of a glimmer of a friendship once again (after 2years of being hurt and let down??? )

    anyway im sorry i dont want to turn this into about me but i just wanted to say you are not on your own! some people i guess just dont understand how much hard work consistently goes into bringing a child up!

    i hope you feel better! x
  • Sadly this does happen, it was said to me and I repeat this often, you find out who your real friends are when you have kids.
    I've lost friends since having kids, and yes it's sad, but everybody is so busy, working, seeing family/friends etc some times it's hard to fit everything together.

    I would speak to your friend to clear the air, at least if you both know where you stand, you might feel better. Maybe she's jealous (in a nice way) or maybe she's worried she'll lose you to mummyhood altogether. It's not an excuse, but until you have kids, you don't realise how selfish you are, not selfish in a bad way, just that your life isn't your own anymore, no more staying in bed till mid day, nipping to the shop without packing for every possible baby need, that sort of thing. So until you've had kids it can be difficult for others to understand/compramise.

    I hope everything works out for you, it won't be the same, but you'll make loads of friends on here, and some may even be local.
  • hi spuddy, i think ur right 2 not want 2 support ur friend, because at the end of the day friendship is a 2 way street and she didnt support u so y should u put urself out 2 support her.i dont mean that in an immature way abviously,just that ur friend seems 2 take take take and not give anything and thats what frinedship is abt is it? i do understand that ppl have their own lives 2 lead and are busy but surly a proper mate would text a quick message or cud give up half an hour of her time 2 pop round knowing u had just had a baby? or maybe im missing the point lol xx
  • I had that happen to me when I had my eldest in 03 all my friends f**ked off and left me all alone to cope, I turned my back on them and ignored them sometimes I wish to Christ I hadn't cos I can get to be very lonely at times, so maybe have a go at clearing the air with her you never know it may help!

  • proud mummy thats my sentiments exactly!! i do miss our friendship but then i dont want to be used and picked up again to be forgotten when something else comes along.. and in a way i want her to see/realise what she did to me... but then its horrible going through it and i wouldnt like to be the person making that happen to someone else if you know what i mean??

    i think you should have a heart to heart with your friend before it goes on too long like me and mine!! i hope it gets sorted hun!! x
  • I know exactly how it feels to be in a one sided friendship. I have been friends with my best friend for 9 years. I have supported her through all of her traumatic experiences (my life is pretty dull). Over the years i have spent a lot of time consoling her through an abusive relationship, pregnancy and birth (I even took her to scans and to buy nursery furniture as her partner was not supportive at all), 2 miscarriages and a very messy divorce! Since finding out i was pregnant with my first child and needed a little support myself, i have noticed just how one sided our relationship is. In the last 9 years she has only come to my house to see me twice, even then i had to pick her up(she does drive by the way!). I ahve been very ill these last few weeks and i have recieved one text from her thats all. She never phones, the only times we see each other is if i go to her! She only seems to want to talk to me when she has problems and is not very interested in mine. I find this really upsetting as i really thought she would be there to support me just like i have always been there for her.

    Feeling v. low at the moment and to top it all off O/H is away for the weekend so all alone, very hormonal and a bit depressed!!
  • hiya willibe lucky,
    my mate is exactly the same. she only comes 2 me when she needs something and it really bugs me and makes me not want 2 friends with her anymore image i dnt no wat 2 do 4 the best x
  • Hiya, Yeah I had the same issue. One of my friends who i'd known since play school would always disappear once she had a boyfriend, then pick up again once single. When I got engaged I text her to tell her and she ignored it, when I text to say I was pregnant she ignored it. However whenever she has text me ive always replied, she's now pregnant and ive tried to show an interest in her pregnancy but she is ignoring my texts. Another of my friends is so wrapped up in her boyfriend and her other mates that I rarely get a look in, I cant go on nights out with her coz of the baby and my husband working (plus i'm always skint now) and so I tend to just get forgotten. Ive gotten to a point where I cant be bothered anymore, i'll reply if they text me but thats all.
    I think you probably need a good chat with your mate if you really dont wanna lose this friendship but make sure you tell her that friendship is a 2 way thing !!
  • one thing is for certain, when pregnant you find out who your friends really are!

    before i found out i was pregnant in may i had a close friend who i used to go out with at least every week, however looking back it was always me doing the running, she would never come to me even when i didnt have my car i would have to make 2 train journeys and a bus to get to her, mainly to listen to her latest BF drama even though she could drive!

    when i told her i was pregnant she seemed very excited but i quickly realised things would change, i obviously wasnt up to going out all night nor getting trollied, i tried to organise days and nights out that didnt involve drink but there was always an excuse, i havent heard from her since june!

    i now realise she was not my friend i was just someone who indulged her needyness and dramas.

    it may be she doesnt know what to say and just needs you to talk to her, or it maybe that she doesnt deserve your friendship, either way you need to have a chat x
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions