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how old/young are we classing a young mum?
I'm 23.
It feels like everyone around me - work wise - thinks this is too young.
The ppl that are the same age as me ( more or less ) - have no time for babies and make it quite clear they're not interested for a long time either!
and the older ones comment on ppl my age if they see them pg or with a pushchair and go on about how much more time they've got left and what they could have done b4 children!
I've been with my partner for 7 years now and a baby is all we want - we've been fortunate and have already done so much with our lives and this is just what we want now regardless of our age!
to make it worse it feels like 1 side of the family wouldn't be happier than if they found out tomorrow I was pg (I'm not though btw) - and the other side seems to go on about how their friends that are around 30 now and just had babies have got it right?!?!?! (yeah my side of the family as they are the ones I think would be happy!)
my partners Mom was my age when she had him - he thinks she's just worried that she feels like she missed out on a lot in life so doesn't want me to make the same mistake?!?! - but what would I be missing out on?!?!
any thoughts?
It feels like everyone around me - work wise - thinks this is too young.
The ppl that are the same age as me ( more or less ) - have no time for babies and make it quite clear they're not interested for a long time either!
and the older ones comment on ppl my age if they see them pg or with a pushchair and go on about how much more time they've got left and what they could have done b4 children!
I've been with my partner for 7 years now and a baby is all we want - we've been fortunate and have already done so much with our lives and this is just what we want now regardless of our age!
to make it worse it feels like 1 side of the family wouldn't be happier than if they found out tomorrow I was pg (I'm not though btw) - and the other side seems to go on about how their friends that are around 30 now and just had babies have got it right?!?!?! (yeah my side of the family as they are the ones I think would be happy!)
my partners Mom was my age when she had him - he thinks she's just worried that she feels like she missed out on a lot in life so doesn't want me to make the same mistake?!?! - but what would I be missing out on?!?!
any thoughts?
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Replies
Plus people in older generations need to realise that younger people are growing up and experiencing life alot ealier, iv been going out and drinking from the age of 14 and i have lived that part of my life, i couldnt be happier in my situation, age is just a number, and only you know what you want and what you are ready for!
and if your happy in your decision then i would not give a crap in whatever anyone else says or thinks.
i totally agree, ive had the same kind of treatment and attitude from older peoples and even my sisters (who i think are secretly jealous) but i started going out and living my life at 16 and i hit it hard, i felt like i was totally ready to settle down when i met my now husband 3 years ago. i cant understand why some pople seem to think it would be better if i was still going out drinking every weekend, having no responsibilities, 6 years on?! i certainly felt it was time to grow up and i was more than happy to do so. Willow is the best thing in my life, and by the time she is 18 ill still be young enough to "enjoy" my life (as if i wont be for the next 18 years!). it all depends on individual circumstances, we had been living together for 2 years and knew it was what we wanted from the start so why put it off; i say let the fun and games start as soon as your ready it is none of anybody else's business. im already thinking about the next one, we already have 2 cats and a puppy, im so excited to meet the next new arrival; although i wont even bother speaking to my side of the family about it, because its my business and if i feel ready who are they to judge. i love having a busy house and being kept on my toes. and im so looking forward to the years to come and watching my angel grow up and become a real person! i say people who put it off are the ones who are missing out!
xx
thank you for your replies - they're all so supportive.
Like you guys I started the nights out early - 14.
met oh @ 16 and we've been 2gether 6 years (7 in Nov).
sorry 4 the brief reply but only have few mins to check in-so back to cooking then i'll be back later.
JoanneNYK - How do I know if we can afford it? I read a topic last week where everyone was quoting completely different figures that they spend each week / month on baby things!
I'm none the wiser - how much you guys spend?
As for the cost of having a baby I think u can make it as expensive or (relativly) cheap as u want. Obv there are certain costs cot pram etc our pram inc car seat was ??200, and we have a cotbed which was ??175 inc mattress. When preg I stocked up on toiletries, wipes nappies etc and only just running out of certain stuff now so that's helped as less noticable buying in small bits.
We get most clothes from asda or primark as it only gets covered in dribble lol. I would say on a weekly basis now we spend approx ??20-??30 inc money for toys and clothes. Neither me or my partner have particularly well paid jobs at min (am about to go back to my part time cinema job while waitin to hear back from some teaching jobs) so money is tight but we manage and neither us nor lo goes without x
Love Steph 31+1 xxx
I'm quite small (4'10") so they may think i'm younger than i am but it really bothered me!
I too have been with oh for 7 and half years married for 1 and half! we have our own house, oh has a good job! and anyway its nobodies business!
i feel like saying ' what you looking at, were married and 24/25, whats your problem!!!!' LOL
really annoys me!
i even find myself buying the magazines from the same places so they can see i'm not just pg and crammin in the research in the 9 months i have, they can see what i drive, that i'm always presentable and polite and that i'm not going in to it half heartedly!!!!!
it's so strange how ppls minds work - just because your young doesn't mean you'll be anything less than a gr8 parent x
I am also 23 and due our 1st baby in Jan! We have been together for 7 1/2 years,got engaged 3 years ago, bought our 1st 3 bedroom house 2 years ago, got married 8 weeks ago and as ive said, our 1st baby on the way. I dont feel too young, we have had fab holidays, both set up our own businesses, earn a good wage, drive 2 new cars, so it all depends on your situation. I have friends the same age as me who still live at home, dont own cars, go out drinking every weekend, meet different guys every weekend and i really dont find myself missing out at all! Thats the life they want to lead and they obv arent ready for the lifestyle that me and my husband have.
If you and your partner feel ready then go for it....
Good luck xx
i consider myself as a young mum!
proud!
I'm 21 and my hubby is 27. We have been together for five years and are having our first baby in oct. Like everyone else we have our own home, money, cars etc. I havent noticed people looking, but i think its cause most know i'm a student nurse having treated half the people where i live. It really annoys me when people look down their noses, as long as your happy and can give your child love, your age shouldnt matter xxxx
xxmrsjohnstonexx - Congratulations on your wedding - & your pic is lovely.
I feel a little selfish because whilst we don't have children we've had impractical cars, weekends away etc but now it's definitely time to priorotise.
We have a lovely home for a baby and as much as I would have loved to have done what you've done & to have been married - we didn't plan to feel like this - we just know we're ready for children and the more we wait the more we want them - marriage will just have to be put on the back burner for now - and as i've already said - depending on how long it takes ttc then we never know - we may even be married b4 LO arrives!
to all the other girlies/ladies - I agree - just because your young doesn't make you a bad mother. I'm sure everyone worries about getting things wrong but I've no doubt that everyone that loves their child(ren) gives them everything they need and more.
I know when I have a LO it will never go short of love!
I'm new to this but thought I would join in. I'm 21 and my partner is 27, we are expecting our first baby in November and we've never been happier and neither of us could imagine not planning for our lo and looking forward to it together. I'm quite tall, so possibly look a bit older, so maybe that's why I haven't really noticed any looks, could also be that I'm too wrapped up in my own little bubble that it really doesn't bother me...lol xx
I'm 19 years old and have just had my baby 3 months ago, but I totally agree with you. I worked in an office beforehand and I was the youngest there - the other ladies were all 25+ and not interested at all in babies. All through my pregnancy they kept telling me how stupid I had been and how we would struggle once I went on Maternity leave and how pinned down I would feel, but sitting in that office with my big (And he was BIG) baby bump I never once felt like I had done the wrong thing. It wasn't really a planned pregnancy but once we knew we were pregnant there was no way we were going to give it up.
My partner and I have been together for 7+ years, we were highschool sweethearts. I mean our relationship has lasted longer than some marriages!
We now have a beautiful baby boy and I still get dirty looks from older women on the street, particularly if the baby is hungry and crying and we are on our way home. (He's breastfed so I'm hardly going to just whip it out on the street!). They are so judgemental up here in Scotland and it's really hard to feel confident when you are out and about with your baby.
I am a great mum, I don't want to toot my own horn but I am. I did not have a particularly good mother when I was growing up and that has endeavoured me to be better. My little guy has everything he needs, he never wants for anything and to be prejudged just by my age really gets me down. It also doesn't help that I don't look 19, I'm quite small in height and look about 16. I'm a really strong believer in that if the baby is happy and healthy and looked after is doesn't matter how old the mum is, she's doing a great job! I'm proud to be Nathan's mummy and I'm so glad I didn't listen to the other girls in the office!
As for buying baby things, if you are talking about the big items like the cot and the pram I always found it easier to use a catalogue like Littlewoods - that way you can pay it up each week and they don't add interest either so you pay for what you buy nothing more. For nappies and wipes and toiletries I would try Tesco, they always have a deal on something and you can usually get enough to last you for a month without spending over ??20.
For anyone on benefits (Income support, job seekers allowance and Child tax credits, working tax credits) talk to your health visitor and see if you would be entitled to the Sure Start Maternity Grant. You have to claim this grant before your baby is three months old - so if you are not entitled to any benefits while you're pregnant but will be once you've had your baby make sure you claim before they reach three months, you can claim even if you are waiting to hear back about benefits also.
If you are really struggling and you are entitled to benefits talk to your health visitor about milk tokens too - you can use these to buy formula for your baby or if you are breastfeeding you can use them to buy fruit and healthy foods for yourself.
I was the breadwinner in our family before I went on Maternity leave and then I dropped to only ??100 a week. It's a big big change and it can be a struggle if like me you were surprised by your pregnancy and have nothing saved up for it. Don't feel ashamed to ask for assistance either, that's what these things are there for and there are plenty of people out there abusing the system - you might as well be using it for what it was intended!
Anyway, rant over, hope that helped some of you!
Theresa