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Can't afford kids - gutted.
Hi
My wife and I are desperate to start a family but however we look at it we just can't afford it.
Although we don't earn bad money our mortgage was done on both our salaries and we are now in negative equity thanks to the credit crunch.
The cost of childcare round our way would be over £800 per month and we don't have any family that could help out either. Because tax credits are based on gross salary not net income we would only get about £100 per quarter from that!
We feel so sad as we are both hard working, decent people who have tried to do things properly, ie get a house, get married and yet we can't afford children. There are all these unemployed dossers who get a house and loads of financial support yet have hardly contributed anything where as we have paid tens of thousands in tax over the years.
Is there anyone else out there in our position or anyone who has any good ideas on what we could do?
Many thanks
Matt
My wife and I are desperate to start a family but however we look at it we just can't afford it.
Although we don't earn bad money our mortgage was done on both our salaries and we are now in negative equity thanks to the credit crunch.
The cost of childcare round our way would be over £800 per month and we don't have any family that could help out either. Because tax credits are based on gross salary not net income we would only get about £100 per quarter from that!
We feel so sad as we are both hard working, decent people who have tried to do things properly, ie get a house, get married and yet we can't afford children. There are all these unemployed dossers who get a house and loads of financial support yet have hardly contributed anything where as we have paid tens of thousands in tax over the years.
Is there anyone else out there in our position or anyone who has any good ideas on what we could do?
Many thanks
Matt
0
Replies
Matt, i know exactly where you are coming from! I work a 40 hour week, my other half is in the miitary and works away. All our "spare" money goes on childcare, we get £80 a month tax credit and the usual family allowance.
I go to the local childrens centre and hear the parents there going on about what benefits they get, the grants that they can appy for and very few of them work! One group were discussing whether they should all have another baby, and what increase in benefits they would get. I was horrified to hear what stuff they got off the government, and one of them drives a brand new very expensive people carrier.
The government need to change its policies, especially in the current econimic climate!
would have liked to offer some advice and support, but thats an extremely unfair comment about unemployed my partner was made redundant just before our daughter was born and has tried just about anything to get a job, but in our sleepy little towns theres nothing and we dont drive as our children use the cash a car would need, and no we have paid 'tens of thousands in tax' because we are 20 and 23 but we are not bad people and were bloody good parents! IM sick of being bundled with all the young parents that are wasters!!! Yes i am a stay at home mum and im proud, so i left college to have my suprise son but id rather be cautious with my money and be there sole carer, you are clearly very narow minded, thinking that all unemployed people are dossers, my babies hardly see there daddy because hes constantly at interveiws and getting trains here there and everywhere desperate to provide for us, so in future maybe you should think before you speak! thank you for the support emma xx
try entiltedto.com fill it in asthough your oh is pregnant or you have a child see if things look any brighter!
Thank you Simone!
There is a huge difference between people who want to work and those who don't!
And Laura, at least your kids father is at home! Mine don't see their dad for 12 weeks at a time because he is away at work earning to keep a roof over our heads! We both work and have zippo left at the end of the month. I had my first hair cut in a year over the weekend, i am wearing clothes that can be at best described as old or vintage!!!
One of the mothers at the childrens centre i go to is spending her £500 grant on designer jeans, shoes and a handbag! If that's what you can afford on benefits maybe i am in the wrong place!!
We had three of our kids before tax credits as they are now came to be.We started off in a private rented house,myself,my husband,his brother.We all worked,my eldest son,then a baby came with me to work as a nanny,and the arrangement was to split the bills fairly.I lost my job after 9 months(nanny work can be really fickle like that).BIL decided he was bored with his job and jacked it in,paid nothing more,then did a runner, leaving us living off credit cards to survive,as we were under a contract on the house.I found more work straight away (fruit packing,lovely but we were desperate,plus an evening job to make up the money)At the end of our contract on the house the landlord decided to sell,leaving us homeless and up to our necks in debt.We ended up living with my parents,9 people in a three bedroom house with one bathroom.Then the fruit packing job ended.It took four months for the council to house us,not in a house but a first floor two bedroom flat with no garden.Two months later we had baby 2 and the evening job ended too
Tax credits didn't happen till we had three kids.We lived on the one wage.By the end of the month the money would run out,so it was a case of selling anything that would sell at the local cash converters(seriously,seriously humiliating and demoralising).Fortunately I'd bought loads of videos before having kids.20 videos got me 10 pound,and my kids got fed.Apart from that we still managed to get credit cards and lived off those
We have since sold our souls to a debt management company,so we'll never be able to get a mortgage or rent privately again,but we have enough to live on,after 4.5 years in the flat we got a 3 bed house just after baby 4 was born,my husband is still in a low wage dead end job he hates,and we wouldn't survive without tax credits.We have an old van to get about,most of our furniture is second hand,most things in the house have seen better days.We won't be able to afford any holiday this year,we've never been abroad anyway.
It's not the material things kids need.Everyone gets child benefit,just about covers formula and nappies.There are benefit calculator websites.If you really want kids you'll find a way,whether it's benefits or just cutting back on the little extas and things you take for granted.I certainly didn't plan living in a 3 bed council house with 6 kids,
although we don't claim DSS I think we get a very generous amount of tax credit and couldn't survive without it.Been there,it's not nice,so I'm not actually sorry for not being ashamed for claiming what I do.While a few people do seem to ride the system,there are many reasons why people are living the life they are.I f the government are handing out benefits to improve my kids lives I'm going to grab it with both hands and say thankyou.
im sorry that what ive said has come across wrong, but with the current credit crunch theres alot of good hard working people becoming unemployed, and we fit the bill perfectly of being wasters being young etc, as im told frequently by people who know nothing about our situation! but andrew will do any job to provide for us but since he doesnt drive and our towns pretty small were stuffed, yes there is public transport but needs the job first to afford that! I did intend to work when jack was 6mnths old but i simply couldnt earn enough to cover childcare as im still training!
and lets be honest here children cost an absolute fortune no matter what you do!
yet again sorry for venting my feelings!
I guess we all have our own gripes and issues, nothing we do as parents is ever right in the eyes of everyone! There is always someone who is willing to tell you how to do the job or that you are doing something wrong.
I am a balanced person and don't prejudge or tar everyone with the same brush, however i speak from personal experience. If you visited the same places i do on a daily basis you would understand where i am coming from!!
I would love to stay at home with my kids, however i can;t afford not to work. And i get pretty sick of the thoughtless idiots who tell me that i should be home with my kids, and then proceed to tell me how many benefits i would get! I am obviously a useless mother as i have to use a nursery....grrrrrr!!!!
I know of a family who has kids solely to get the extra money, they get inxcess of £30,000 a year on benefits!!! And they also get their council house and council tax paid!!!
It does annoy me when I hear about people spending their kids money on themself.I heard of one girl spent it on a gold chain for her boyfriend.I live on an estate where it seems to be okay for generations of a family not to work,the parents don't work,they don't send the kids to school,they don't grow up with any kind of example or any ambitions for anything better
I do have a lot of kids,I'm sure there are people who have issues with that.I don't do it for the money.My reasons are my reasons.
I have a sister who struggles with work,childcare,she's due baby 2 today actually,and everything else.Her husbands a head chef so he works rubbish hours,leaving her home alone a lot.She has a mortgage,loans,etc,and no choice.I'm lucky to be able to spend this time with my kids.Couldn't imagine how much childcare is for 6 anyway
All I have to say is he does have a point - I up until recently lived next door to a family with 4 kids - none of them worked - they sat on there arse getting paid to do so! They have now moved but its ok there now in a 4 bedroom house?! How is that justifiable? (sp)
I chose to buy a house and get a mortgage but that was something me and Sam wanted - I grew up in a house which my mum and dad owned and felt very proud of this fact as it was something they worked towards and something I always wanted to do when I was older - this was just our choice.
I can understand about work in the current "credit crunch" my husband is self employed so the first feel when people want to stop having work done - but I am also aware that if you want something you can get it - I have a good job but only went to college for one year and did 1 course - I made my job and I'm very proud of this fact - there is no excuse about qualifications, if you want something you can have it!
I would also like to point out that up until recently I lived in a council flat and will knock anyone that lives in one (I have alot of friends that do) and I can totally understand why there so important to people what I do think is a shame is that people will abuse that and will abuse the benefit system.
and just to say Simone - you are totally right - PP has changed - I no longer come on here much as its so depressing and no one ever has anything nice to write or say about anything - this man wanted advice and all he got was a public outcry (wrong word maybe) but he does have a point and back to the subject - Matt if we waited for ever to have a baby I would never have one - I have taken the decision that I will deal with bills etc when I can and sod the rest of it I will have 3 months off work (max maybe) and then my baby will have to be looked after by family and childcare - sad but its our only option! Good Luck x
I too have found myself finding other things to do instead of coming on here these days although I do have a look from time to time. This used to be such a friendly site with people offering words of support and finding time for chit chat and often a laugh. It's a very different site these days.
Matt I hope you and your wife have a family one day, just don't wait til it's too late.
xx
Hi Matt
I have to say I'm going to ignore the point about the unemployed as that seems to have been covered from every angle!
My OH and I are in the same position, we both work full time and have no money left over, are working hard to pay off debts from previous relationships and daren't even think about the current value of our house. Added to that my OH has very little job security right now as he's working in the ROI and has been there for less than a year, and you will probably be surprised to see that I am now 18 weeks pregnant.
Yes, this was very much planned and wanted, and yes, we are concerned about finances. BUT, and this is the important point, we are in our mid-30's and realised that if we waited "until we could afford it" then we would remain childless. I am on Freecycle getting all the 2nd hand baby things I can as well as getting 2nd hand things given to me by friends whose kids are all older.
We've worked out that with my 6 months being paid 50% from work and not driving 300 miles a week to get there plus saving as I will be able to cook from scratch all the time etc, we should manage until the 6 month point, then it will be back to work for me and paying for childcare full time.
It is not going to be easy, but looking at some of the families around me; my neighbour gave up work completely when her daughter was born so they get by on just the partner's salary, and don't even own their house. She says it is just amazing what you DON'T spend money on and how you do get by.
So if any advice will be taken - just go for it while you can and the money will sort itself out. I rave about Martin Lewis a lot but try money saving expert - you may be surprised by the benefits and grants you are entitled to.
Good luck and hope to see you on here again
Cat
Welcome to pp Mat. I'm sorry that you're unable to start your family. I can't offer much advice as my job as a nursery nurse was low paid which on the positive side left me quite able to not need to return! My husband had a pay increase in the time i was off so i have been a stay at home mum for 4 years and feel very lucky. I do feel though that if yu think about it too much, you can never afford a child as decreasing your salary however big or small can be very scary! I'd be very inclined to say to you, go for it as somehow these things have a way of working out. And really look into any help/benefits you may be entitled too. It's wrong if we really do live in a world where it would be impossible for you to afford a child when people like my criminal drug addict neighbour has 4! I wish you lots of luck.
To all the girls, I'd like to ehco what sarah, Zoe and simone have said, this uses to be the least bitchy and most welcoming oft the forums, other girls often joined here instead of netmums as this was more welcoming and chatty. It's such a shame thats changed and that after 18months on here and thousands of posts, i barely come on here now. It's so depressing nowadays, where's all the fun and chit chat gone?? Please let it go back to how it was, welcome new people and give them a chance.
xx
Biggest apology to Matt,not a very warm welcome at all.I really do hope you find a way to have your family,there are places to go for help.The Entitled To and Benefit Calculator site are used to .So is the Martin Lewis money saving one.There's always a way.
As for razor blades,well that's all just a little bit messy
wow, this seems to have created some discussion.. i have mentioned many times how cross it makes me paying all these taxes but not being able to afford to stay at home with my children.. not going to start posting about this now as it seems all the oldies have already said what i feel about this.
can't believe what a horrible welcome this poor man had to pp.. i think he was looking for help and advice, not a big rant.
hi matt welcome to pp
old pp lot i agreewith the site its not like it used to be can we bring bac old pp
it used to be such a laugh and its not any more
i use to enjoy comin on here now i dont
hope to chat to you all soon can i have your msn addresses so i can keep in touch pm me thanks jade