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Need to off load, and some reassurance please

Well as many of you know i have sister who is 4 and a brother who is one, my mum has recently fell pregnant again but after a mutitude of problems carrying and delivering thomas she is ridiculously high risk.

And the day after i told her we are leaving bury for leicester she found out theres a 1 in 20 chance of downs syndrome, and thats just the begining,

Im so worried for charley and tom, and my mum and of course this baby, i have this huge weight of guilt on me now, feel like i should stay and help, but my children deserve the life we can give them in leic, ive been going backwards and forwards for weeks, please help!

Replies

  • there is probably no way to stop the guilt, but as long as your mum knows that you are there for her she'll understand. 

    I dont know the distance between Bury and Leicester but im guessing its probably not easy to travel between the two?  And from what you said about the move before your mum knows how much this means to you and the kids.

    im sorry i cant be much more help, but im sure someone will be along with much better advice than me!

  • thanks for the reply, if you travel any time but rush hour its 1hr 40mins, so not to bad, but mum doesnt drive, shes ok, as far as i know, but she holds things together well,

    does anyone know how accurate the first test for downs is, the scan that measures the folds on babys neck?

  • Sorry Lau I have no idea on that scoreimage

    IMHO I think you still should move. You can't live your life for others,as much as you love your ma,and siblings,at end of day,she got pregnant Lau,she's old enough to cope,and it's not as if it's the other side of the world.

    Put your family and you first for a change hunimage you deserve this break,get a better quality of life for the family. You shouldn't feel guilty,you have nothing to be guilty about.

  • Don't know the figures,sorryy,Laura,but Ido know the first scan is notorious for getting you worried and it turns out to be nothing.All it does is take the measurements and other factors such as age,and a computer generates a figure which is just odds really.1 in 20 is high risk,but I was told based on this scan that all sorts was likey to be wrong with Merlin,and nothing was.With Downs it's not just the nuchal fold measured but there are other physical markers they measure for.The only truely accurate test would be more invasive,depending on how your Mum feels about that,or how she'd feel about actually having a baby with Downs.That's all very personal stuff.The straightest answer I got to all my questions was from the NHS Direct site.There's so much information on the internet,sometimes conflicting,but you'll just get the facts from them.

    An hour and 40's not so far away,I'm sure your Mum wouldn't want you guys to miss this opportunity.I'm sure she wouldn't want you feeling guilty about it.There's school holidays and weekends and you can do sleepovers and stuff,you'll still see her.You're on the phone,you're on the net,you can speak to her every day still.I know you're very close and you'll miss each other loads but things change,you'll get used to a new relationship with your Mum.That's not meant to sound callous,how to reword it.It's not how often you see each other but making the  time you do spend together count

  • thanks jo image

    Im still moving, i have to put jack and lola well before anyone else, i just know someone in the family will take the opportunity to have a go that im running out on her etc!

    The hospital urged her to have the amnio test but it turns out where the baby is makes it far to dangerous, dont know what else will happen really,

    Shes supporting me moving 100% so i suspect she isnt saying much as she doesnt want to hold me back, i just worry about them it was me and mum for so long and then me mum and charley, i need to focus on my family more really!

  • hi i wa goin to put you need to do whats best for you but by the loooks of it your are
    your mum knows you are the for her no matter what as long as you 2 know that thats all that matters
    jade xxx
  • thanks jade,

    how r u today hunni x xx

  • am not sure today tummy feels very weired today can quit put my finger on it but we will see trying to take it easy but am very restless today
    how are you xxxx
  • im ok, just fed up, our date to move keeps getting pushed back and i just want to go!!! I hate not knowing what i am doing!

    Have you got a docs app? or a scan? take care hun xxx

  • no going to phone the doctor tomorrow and see what she says
    so when are you lookin at moving in
  • we will go as soon as its empty, id go tomorow if i could!

    looking to be january though!

    i cant wait!

    Good luck hun, take care, ill be thinking of u xxx

  • My auntie had Emma in 2000. Emma was a miracle baby! My uncle for 10 years has had the snip! and low and behold she feel pregnant. Of course HE thought "you have been naughty" but seeing my cousin, she is the SPITTING image of my uncle ♥ No doubts what so ever even from him. Docs have NO idea how it happend!
    She had the risk, high risk of downs. She had all the early scans etc to have a look and see what was going on. Emma is normal and healthy!

    But the test doesnt tell them right away, if the thickness is in the "downs syndrome" thickness etc they will offer blood test and fluid test. It would then be upto your Mum to take the decision to have an invasive test, which does carry a risk of miscarriage.

     I hope everything will be ok your mums end but I also hope you are holding up ok. Sorry the move wont be until jan now image

    xxx

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