That felt awkward WWYHD?
There is one mother at the school I talk to each day and get on well with. I'd call her a friend but only about the school we wouldn't ring each other or go out together. So she came to the house Saturday for P's party. I know she is hard up, but at the moment we aren't even scraping by. We do however own a big house that we are very proud if and work very hard on. I think parents, without judging were surprised and complimented the house a lot.
So this woman just text me asking me if she could borrow £10. Is it a coincidence now she has seen the house. She has local family, why ask me? I spoke to h and he said to lend it her, it's only a tenner and not worth making things awkward an just see if I get it back. Next thing she texts me to say she will bus it down for it now, I have my mum and dad here and just for some reason the idea made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I made my excuses said I was going out and she replied that she could have done with it tonight but its ok she will get it at the school tomorrow.
I'm a softy sometimes and I don't know why but its made me feel quite uncomfortable. If we had been at the school and she was short I'd have probably given it to her, but texting and wanting to come for it just seems a bit too much given our loose friendship dyswim? I will give it tomorrow, it may leave me short but I couldn't try explaining that after her seeing the house iyswim. What's anyone's take on it please?
Replies
Odd not sure what I would do in your shoes - sorry no help
I would probably give it to her and see if I got it back. If I never got it back I would know not to do it again. We had a friend like this from baby group. She wanted to set up sky but needed a credit card to do so which she didn't have. One friend said she could use her card for the first month but she would cancel it straight away. We realised then she was only wanting to use the other friend. I think she has seen your house and thinks a tenner will be nothing to you.
It is a bit odd. One of the Mums at C's school asked to borrow £150 off me once, as she was "a bit short" to buy her son a Wii, so at least it was only a tenner, haha.
If it'd leave you short, I would have said no. People see our (rented) house, see the car we drive, and assume we have a lot of money. We don't.
You need to say something, to nip this in the bud, otherwise she might keep asking.
Oo awkward. I think I;d have said something like 'sure thats fine, but on the understanding that its paid back by x date' or 'sorry I am short this month myself'.
It was the way it was done then her wanting to get a bus to come and get it felt wrong and a bit pressured. I'm sure it wouldn't have been for their dinner or such as we had just chatted at the school too so what would it be. I know I'm over reacting but I liked the simple friendship an it feels like it shifted slightly. A flying can I borrow a tenner st the school gates would be easier. Your right though AK although £150 would have been an easy no! That's what H said too, if I get it back all is well if I don't its only a tenner.
I'll always lend money once. I am soft though. But not repeatedly. H said to use him an an excuse if a certain person asked again.
I have been taken advantage of though but I have to be who I am, and that's a bit soft sometimes!
I'd have said no I think, and as it was by text I would have found it easier than face to face. But I've been a softie before& not got the money back so I'm a bit more mean now.
I don't mind giving once either, then I know for the future. Likewise I suppose I don't want it to be a regular thing? It's how it was done just felt awkward and why on earth ask me. I talk to her about how we are doing money wise aswel but she obviously doesn't believe me now. Don't get me wrong we are ok but it's budget shopping in Iceland and no treats atal ATM.
I should've said it does change friendships though. But it's them asking that changes things. I paid someone's mortgage for them a couple of years ago and they never paid it back. I stepped away a bit, it can't be the same but I also can't bring myself to ask for it
I know what you mean Beez, I wouldn't bring myself to ask for it back but ud also not be able to look at her properly again if she just didn't pay it back or meantion it again. Makes for awkwardness indeed.
I wouldn't lend it. I don't think you'll get it back. I'm far too tight with my hard earned money and I've got my own kids to spend it on. Sorry but no.
Oh god, I don't know what I'd do.
I would say no but I have had my fingers burnt far too often in the past.
I'd have said no straight off TBH.
I'd only lend if I can afford it and then only to good friends who I know will pay it back.
I wouldn't lend it tbh. If it was a really good friend then I would obviously (unless I was skint myself and I'd just say 'really sorry I can't we are brassick'), I think since you have already said yes then its going to cause friction if you now turn round and say you can't lend it, so I'd give it but woukd say 'when will you be able to give me it back as we are skint too but obviously I don't kind helping out ' that way you know she knows you need it back (
Thanks ladies, I'm sure an update if sorts will follow!
It sounds very odd and I would probably of said no. But like you say if your happy to lend her the £10, do it this time and see if and when you get it back.
I would have just ignored the text. It seems entirely inappropriate to me, and will change the relationship between the two of you forever. Tbh as well, if she asks for £10 now she will be back for more.
I'd have just said No. Its wrong to assume you have money because you have a nice house, and times are hard for everyone. I would have just said I'm really sorry but money's tight.
See that was my initial reaction, to ignore it, I should have shouldn't I and then I'm sure I could have just carried on as normal. That is what hit me with her wanting to call for it, sounds callas but I don't want her to feel I am here whenever she needs it, grrrr. I'd never turn to someone of the same kind of friends.