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Wanting another baby...

Hi everyone,

A bit of background, I am 27 and DH is 29. DD1 is 3, DD2 is 10 months. We had always said that we only wanted 2 children. I am one of two, and we just thought that being a family of 4 would be perfect for us. However, during my last pregnancy I was convinced that DD2 was a boy, and when DD arrived I was disappointed, and so was DH. My disappointment vanished fairly quickly, but DH was in his words 'devastated' for a good few weeks. Now obviously we both love DD2 so much, and wouldn't be without her, but I also had a miscarriage in between pregnancies, and a part of me can't help but wonder if that baby was my chance at having a son.

DH has said that he doesn't want anymore children, he really doesn't want to father 3 girls, and to be honest I'm not sure that I'd want another girl, but I can't help feeling that I really really want my little boy. I feel like I'm not 'done' with pregnancy or labour or having a baby. DD2 also came into the world in a very scary way (an emergency Cat1 CS - her heart rate was 190-200 - I wasn't even in labour at all) so I feel like I 'missed out' on the labour experience the second time around, especially as I'd planned a home birth.

I'm just wondering what other people's experiences are. I feel like I'm not sure if wanting a boy is enough of a reason to want another baby - as of course there's only a 50% chance of having a boy and if we had another girl I would feel like I'd failed to give my husband the boy we both really long for. But yet I can't help feeling like I want another!!

Also, DH has said that we 'could revise in a few years' - originally the plan was for him to get the snip but we have decided to hold off on this until we are both 100% sure it's right for us both - but I'm worried that if say 5 years down the line he decides that he wants another then that's quite a large age gap and my girls wouldn't be as close to their sibling. Also, it would mean that I have a young baby to look after all over again if you know what I mean, and there's a longer period of my life spent looking after young children, rather than watching them grow up and have their own lives/families etc.

Sorry for the HUGE post... my head is a bit all over the place! Thanks for reading x


  • unfortunatly no gurantee that you will have a son 3rd time round im pregnant with my 3 rd its out first together I have two girls and he had two girls a boy would be nice but I think we prob know it will be another girl but happy either way :)

  • Hey. I have to say i TOTALLY get where you're coming from. I have two girls too - i miscarried inbetween the girls, and with my last pregnancy, it was a twin pregnancy but only resulted in one girl. So, i would dearly, dearly love a boy too, and have tried to convince hubby to go for another baby (he's absolutely refuses) but he says we would either end up with another girl OR twin girls (my mum is a twin so likely i could have another twin pregnancy) Then we'd be at panic stations!!!!

    So I just wanted to let you know i get you. I hear you, but for us, my hubby says no, and my head says he's right, but my body and heart are yeanring for another.

  • Oh Mrsg that's exactly it. My head knows that he's right, that we should stop at 2 because I don't want 'the risk' of having another girl (luckily twins aren't in our family at all!) but my heart (and my ovaries!) are telling me otherwise! 

    I think as well its partly that DD2 (so far) has been such an easy baby that I think I could do it all over again :/ 

    Hubby is MOD and is away at the moment but I think we will probably need to sit down and seriously talk about it. I'm not convinced that waiting is going to be the right thing for me if we do have another... Oh I don't know. 

    We've always thought of having a boy. Even before I was pregnant with DD1 we had the boys name picked out and I'm so utterly sad that I won't ever mother a boy. My hubby is very into rugby and we will never watch him play, he will never play with him.. you know. And I KNOW that the girls may decide that rugby is for them or something but I just can't stop thinking about all the things I won't experience, and I do always wonder if the baby I lost was my boy :(

  • Lovely to see your name pop up MrsHunt11061 - welcome back to MFM! We hope you're doing well!

  • Yup, it's all about our bodies - that yearning to grow a baby (i didn't much like pregnancy, but have a ache for it!) even though i know i'm past it now (just hit 38 and hubby is 43).

    I will say this, now i know with two kids why people have them closer together and wish i'd done so - i think it's easier having children closer in age - that  is of course in retrospect.

    I too am so sad we won't have a boy - i really do get it - i'd love a little tinker for my hubby to share Star Wars and cars and all nerdy comics which he loves too. (again not saying my girls won't like this, but you get where i'm coming from).

    Talk to your husband when he's back - if he is open to a third, then you just gotta take that chance it might be another girl. But please have a boy for me!!!

  • I have DD1 who will be 7 this December, DD2 who will be 5 this September & I am expecting my 3rd this December. We had said that 2 was enough for a long time but we are both happy with no.3 coming along whatever gender  (hubby is one of three & both his brothers have 3).

    Age gap doesn't have to be a bad thing, there are pros & cons to both small & large age gaps. What you need to determine is whether you can be happy with 3 girls  (you already know you'd be happy with boy).

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