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Wedding dates - am I in the wrong?

Sorry for length of post and apologies if in wrong place. Just after a general opinion on wedding situation. 

In 2016 my partner of 8 years proposed to me. We found out very shortly before this that we were expecting, so wedding plans were put on hold until after baby was born. But naturally we still discussed ideas, including time of year we’d like to get married etc. We had a specific time of year that we always said we’d like. 

Our engagement was followed by several other close friends getting engaged over the next few months, one of these being my best friend. All very exciting and naturally, wedding planning commenced almost immediately for these couples and dates were booked in. I am maid of honour for best friend and she knew she would be maid of honour for me when we eventually started to plan our wedding. 

Fast forward to our baby being born and a couple of months old, fiancé and I start to plan our wedding. At this point I did advise best friend that we’d be going to look at venues and the sort of dates we were looking at - which happens to be the month before her wedding, the same year. She didn’t say anything about the date we wanted or seem miffed about it at the time so I thought nothing of it. 

Anyway we found a venue we liked and booked for said month and I tell my group of closest friends via our WhatsApp chat group that wedding is finally booked! Everyone very excited, but I did get the impression that my best friend wasn’t exactly 100% thrilled. However she never brought anything up and after a few weeks, seemed just as excited as the other girls. 

I’ve recently found out that she did actually speak to one of the other girls (all of whom are bridesmaids for both of us) at the time and said that she was upset that I booked my wedding so close to hers as she feels like it’s taking the shine off the run up to her big day. And also that she was upset she found out the date of our wedding at the same time as the others. She said that she knew she was probably being over the top and it’s just one day, etc, but didn’t want to bring it up and potentially caused a ruckus because she valued our friendship too much. 

Now I feel awful for making her feel this way. I must say that it didn’t really cross my mind to actually outright ask her if she was ok with it. Our wedding has ended up being 3 weeks before hers. We have 5 weddings to attend next year, including our own, all of who are close friends, so it was always going to be close to one of them no matter which date we chose. We didn’t consider leaving it until the year after for many reasons (we’ve been engaged for a year already; we want more children sooner rather than later and I don’t want to be potentially pregnant on my wedding day, and I’d really like the same surname as my child asap). 

Im not sure if I should try and make this right or just assume she now feels differently as she does seem “normal” about it now (we booked our wedding 3 months ago). 

And if I do broach the subject, should I be profusely apologising or just explaining my point of view, as although I feel really bad about it, I’m not sure I’ve actually done anything wrong? 

 

Replies

  • I think it’s nice of you to be concerned for your friends feelings! You are clearly a good friend and didn’t do this to intentionally upset her. 

    all I can give you is my personal experience of a simile situation... we had had our wedding booked for about 7 months when my husbands cousin got engaged and announced that they were setting their wedding date for the weekend before Ours. Their rationale was a good one... to save family traveling long distances for 2 weddings at different times... however it still upset me a lot as I felt they were stealing the limelight of our wedding... especially as they booked it for the week before rather than the week after ours (which is what I would’ve done in that situation). I was also annoyed that that meant they didn’t attend our wedding as they were on their honeymoon. 

    at The end of the day I got over it.. saw the sense in why they did it... I still think the polite thing to do would’ve been to talk to is about it & to book it for the week after ours rather than the week before but thats my personal opinion. 

    I would say it might be worth telling her how you feel... that you never meant to hurt her feelings and want to know if there is anything you can do to reassure her that her day will be just as special regardless. 

  • Thanks for your response - always good to get a point of view from the other Perspective!  

  • Meant to add we will definitely be attending their wedding and have ensured no clashes of  honeymoOn etc 

  • You’ve done what you can. im sure she’ll understand!

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