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Funerals
Hi Dizzy,
Hope you are well.
I'm really sorry to hear you lost you mother in law.
My condolences to your husband and family.
I had this dilema when my dad passed away. My eldest was then 5 and my youngest son was only 2 and I felt I wanted to protect them from what they would see. ie me and most other members of the family in pieces. They loved their grandad and I wanted them to say goodbye, but funerals are no place for children, and we decided that we definately did'nt want them going.
I totally agree with you.
Who knows what will go through his mind. He may think he is going to loose you or his daddy.
I hope you come to an agreement with your husband and that the service goes well.
Take care x
Hope you are well.
I'm really sorry to hear you lost you mother in law.
My condolences to your husband and family.
I had this dilema when my dad passed away. My eldest was then 5 and my youngest son was only 2 and I felt I wanted to protect them from what they would see. ie me and most other members of the family in pieces. They loved their grandad and I wanted them to say goodbye, but funerals are no place for children, and we decided that we definately did'nt want them going.
I totally agree with you.
Who knows what will go through his mind. He may think he is going to loose you or his daddy.
I hope you come to an agreement with your husband and that the service goes well.
Take care x
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Replies
Sorry to hear about your loss.
I agree with you a funeral is no place for children, they can't understand what is going on.
If your husband wants them to be there o say goodbye, why don't you recommend planting a tree with the children to say goodbye instead.
Take care xx
I'm really sorry to you and your family to hear about your mother in law.
We've had simialr situations with my husbands family, since my eldest (he's 2 1/2) was born, my husband has lost 2 uncles the first time was when Ethan was about 3 months old the second when Amber was only 3days old. Both times i have been expected to take the children along and both times we have declined. I was unable to go without the children as i was breastfeeding (and in his extended family feeding is done in private) My husband has had many comments about us not allowing the children to go but funerals are not something they should have to experience at this age.
Is there anyone who could look after your son while you're at the funeral then could bring him to the wake. This is what happened with my cousins who were fairly young when my grandad passed and it really helped lift the mood for everyone to see the children.
I hope the service goes well, Take care xx
I'm really sorry to hear about your mother-in-law.
I totally agree with you, a funeral is no place for children.
I had a similar experience to you, my mum died when i was 9 and the image of her coffin being lowered into the ground really upset me, so much so that i've never been to a funeral since.
Like Tasha suggested try to reach a compromise where he misses the funeral but could maybe attend the wake.
Take care xx
I have a different point of view to give you some food for thought. My husband's uncle died when my son was around eight months old and at the time I was not happy about taking him, mostly because I was afraid he would cry all the way through or be difficult it being a long day. However, he came and he gurgled a little through the service but he was a great comfort to the family, a distraction and a reminder that as the family had lost one beloved member, there was another not long born. Bon was too young to express liking or dislinking in the usual sense, but he always fell asleep if Uncle Martin picked him up so he must have felt secure with him and that memory was embodied by Bon being there.
In the end it is personal choice. Have you explained what is going to happen and asked him if he wants to go? If it were me I would take my son to say goodbye although I wouldn't take him to the funeral of someone outside the family.
Sorry to hear about your mother in law hun. You've a tough descion to make the pair of you. Personally i wouldn't let my kids go to a funeral but i can understand your Husband in wanting his Family close by his side including your son but i do feel that at age 4 that they do not understand what's happening and it could become quite frightening for a child.
Love to you and your family
Andrea
xx
Firstly i am sorry for your loss.
I really think that it's best for your son NOT to go to the funeral. We lost James' grandad last December and Jack worshipped him seeing him once a week and he looked forward to his visits. He was a little younger (3 and a half) but I wouldn't have even considered taking him. We told him grandad Walter had gone to live on a cloud with Jesus and that he will always be watching over us. We always talk about him and Jack has picked an area close to where Walter lived and if there's a cloud in the sky he says " look grandad Walter's cloud, hiya" and waves.
Whatever your beliefs maybe you could do something similar. Jack finds it comforting to think that Walter hasn't gone completely.
Sorry for the essay but I hope you find a solution that suits you.
Take care, Zoe xx
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is very hard to try and decide if your child should go to a funeral or not, on top of coping with your loss.
I really think it is definitely a personal choice.
Personally, i wouldnt let my children come to funerals. Ant (my hubby) grandfather died when Niamh was just 8 weeks old, and we didnt allow her to the funeral, but we left her with her godmother, who later brought her down to the wake. It really lifted the mood of the whole place, as she was the first baby in years to be born in the family.
When we visit Ireland, we always go to my mums grave, and this year was the first year that Niamh started asking questions about her nan. We told her that she was in a very special place living with the angels and Jesus, and that she looked after us from up in the clouds!!
So, i think from this age, they start to remember things, and ask questions, so it depends on how you think your son will handel the whole situation.
I come from a catholic background, and i was 7 when m grandmother died. Myself and cousins werent allowed to the funeral, but instead were left with an aunt of mine, where we lit a candle and said a prayer and chatted about our nanny. Thats what i remember most about her death, and its nice no to have unhappy images in my head.
Sorry to waffle on, and i really hope that whatever you decide is right for your son and husband.
Take care
Kas xx
What a dilema! I guess you have to go with your instincts. Does your son understand what death means? My god son was 5 when his Grandad passed away and he wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. He didn't even know that it was happening. But, my great grandma passed away when I was 9 and despite begging to go to the funeral as i was close to my great grandma, I wasn't allowed and have been bitter about it ever since. My first ever funeral was this year and I was completely unprepapred for it.
Good Luck with your decision! Whatever you decide it has to be right for your son.
xx
Sorry to hear about your mum-in-law.
When my mum-in-law died in 2003 I took my children to her funeral, not every part but the parts I knew they would cope with. Chris was 11 and Chelsea was 4 at the time. They came to the church service and the wake afterwards, but while we all went to the crematorium my parents took them for a walk and an ice-cream on the sea front. I didn't want them there when the coffin actually disappeared. This worked well for us and they were able to say goodbye to their nan.
From Sarah
You have to trust your instinct and if that's telling you he shouldn't go then i think that's the path you should follow.
Take care, Zoe xx
A mother knows best,i would be the same with riley,i'd like him to remember someone the way they were.
Hope it all goes well for you.
xx