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Homebirth, Pros and Cons please.
I would love to have a homebirth, I love the idea of giving birth then climbing in my own bed with hubby and enjoying our 1st day together as a new family.
When I was preg with my daughter the only probs I had was SPD and found it difficult to walk towards the end but the labour was easy and fast (2.5 hrs) no complications and the Midwife Tracey Martin said if ever I wanted a homebirth she'd be happy and if I move ask the new midwife to write to her when she will give a very positive account of the labour and birth.
We are moving to Newhaven, the nearest hospital is 9 miles away so if anything went wrong it could be a bit of a mission to get us to the hospital (I don't know how fast Ambulances in an emergency go)
I am really after Pro's and Con's and maybe some advice from other mum''s who have done it and any dads who where there?
I have done some reading up but most of it is conflicting advice. :roll:
Thank-you,
Dolina xx xx
6 + 0
When I was preg with my daughter the only probs I had was SPD and found it difficult to walk towards the end but the labour was easy and fast (2.5 hrs) no complications and the Midwife Tracey Martin said if ever I wanted a homebirth she'd be happy and if I move ask the new midwife to write to her when she will give a very positive account of the labour and birth.
We are moving to Newhaven, the nearest hospital is 9 miles away so if anything went wrong it could be a bit of a mission to get us to the hospital (I don't know how fast Ambulances in an emergency go)
I am really after Pro's and Con's and maybe some advice from other mum''s who have done it and any dads who where there?
I have done some reading up but most of it is conflicting advice. :roll:
Thank-you,
Dolina xx xx
6 + 0
0
Replies
michelle xx
5+6wks
I tried for a homebirth with my son. I had to transfer to hospital after 30-odd hours of labour as although I had been fully dilated for a while, he was stuck. It was found that he was back to back and trying to get the largest part of his head out, rather than tucking it down.
I was glad to have had the time at home, as I was really able to relax and go into myself, which I wouldn't have been able to do in hospital. I had a doula with me the whole time, who was fantastic, and provided constant support to me as well as reassuring my husband- he thought she was great. At my request in my birth plan the midwives were as hands off as possible other than monitoring the heartrate, and didn't chat to me as I wanted to be able to go into myself.
The transfer in was by ambulance, and whilst this wasn't pleasant I got to hospital v quickly- it was 10 miles away, and there was slow traffic, so the ambulance just put the blue lights and siren on and used the hard shoulder. I wouldn't fancy going to hospital in a car for a planned hospital birth- it would take too long if there was traffic, and I found it v uncomfortable to sit down through contractions.
I ended up being put on a drip to speed up the contractions to try to turn my son round, but at my request I had a spinal block and epidural first as I'd already had a long labour. Wasn't enough to turn him, so I went to theatre where ventouse and forceps were used, and because I was still able to push I avoided a c-section, which I was v relieved about.
I feel it was right to transfer in given the circumstances, as there was no way my son was coming out otherwise! However, I am v glad I spent most of the labour at home- I could relax, and my contractions did progress well until my son turned back to back. However, as I did relax and fully dilate I was able to have a vaginal birth, which was v important to me- I'm not sure I would have been able to if I'd been in hospital from the start.
I hope to have an actual home birth this time round. Even if I have to transfer in (unfortunately you can't plan how birth will go!) there are definitely great benefits to labouring at home.
Sorry for the long post!! I hope all goes well for you.
xxx
18+5
I now run a monthly home birth group and to be honest no-one ever really comes up with any cons just hundreds of pros!!
As you say, my dream was always to spend the first night at home in my own bed with my husband and baby and it really was as wonderful as I thought it would be. I looked forward to this labour so much and was so excited about the birth - knowing that I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything apart from stay in my own house and environment where I felt comfortable and in control was the best start. My waters broke as the boys went to school and nursery but I didn't get any contractions straight away so me and hubby had a wonderful morning relaxing and getting even more excited then after a massive gush at 14.30 the contractions came thick and fast, my fantastic midwife arrived at 15.30, I got in the pool without any internal examinations at all (community midwives are usually more experienced and confident as they don't rely on equipment as much)and was left to do whatever I wanted with her listening to the heartbeat every now and then but I was in my own little world on all 4's with my face nearly under the water breathing through the contractions and hardly knew what was happening around me (not much as I was in our conservatory on a lovely sunny spring day with soft music and candles and calm, quiet surroundings).
At 18.03 my midwife quietly suggested that I turn onto my back as she guessed baby was back to back (my 2nd had been too), my hubby got in to help me turn and sat behind me then my daughter came out face up (just her head for 2 minutes looking up at us which was so beautiful)with the next contraction. We stayed in the pool for a precious 20 minutes until the cord stopped pulsating then I got out, fed the baby and waited until the placenta came out (an hour later but I was too busy enjoying my baby to notice then it just fell out).
The pros include
- being in your own environment
- being able to eat and drink when you want
- able to do what you want in labour ie walk around a bigger area than a cramped delivery room
- have as many people there with you as you want
- not have to wait for stupid visiting times for relatives to meet baby
- video the birth if you want to (we had to get permission for the hospital ones but at home the camera was just in the corner on the tripod and the video is so wonderful!!)
- you are at far less risk of complications (and bugs like MRSA) and interventions (I am convinced my daughter would have been another instrumental delivery in hospital as she was back to back and big again)
- you have one midwife with you all the time then 2 at the end
- oh doesn't get sent home when you are in early labour and want him with you
- midwife comes to you so if you're not in labour she'll go and come back later and you haven't had to traipse to the hospital
- no hospital car parking costs
- oh doesn't have to walk miles to the nearest loo
I could probably go on for ever!!!
Basically, home births are the best and as Niblet said, even if you have to be transferred in for whatever reason most women who start labour at home have a more positive birth experience. I ended up going in for stitches (had a complicated tear after 2 previous episiotimies and large babies) but was back home in 2 hours and it was so insignificant compared to our wonderful day and the birth of our daughter.
I have also had spd with my last 2 and the water really helped this time - would you consider a water birth?
Sorry this is so long but as I am sure you can tell I am quite passionate about home births!!!
Hope that helps and you have as wonderful a birth as I did!!
Also, if you have any advice or thoughts on having more than 3 children please let me know on the hot topic forum under "pros and cons of more than 3 children" thanks!! xx
Sorry everyone to post about something else on this thread, but I'd really like to ask you arg, and anyone else who has had the experience, how is it having 3 children compared to 2? I know it's early days for me to be thinking about this, as I'm only 19+3 with my second (my son is 17 months old), but I've got a niggling feeling that I'm not convinced our family will be complete after this, and I'm not sure I want this to be my last pregnancy. My hubby would quite like to stop at 2, but is open to having a third.
I'm a bit worried about how the middle child will feel, and whether I'd be able to give 3 enough individual attention. Also, I find I'm really on an emotional rollercoaster when I'm pregnant- although this time it was mainly for the first 15 weeks, while I felt really rough with morning sickness. I did cry quite a bit, which my son saw some of, but it didn't affect him as he's so young- I just worry how he'd be affected if I get really upset again with a third pregnancy when he'd be old enough to be aware of everything. Oh, and if you had morning sickness with your third how did you manage to cope with looking after your other 2? Finally (sorry to go on so long!), as I'll be 2 weeks off 33 when this baby is born I don't feel I could afford to leave it too long before having a third, and I'm worried how I'd cope with 3 quite young children, and whether this would have a negative impact on the older 2.
Thanks
xxx
You sound like me thinking through everything to the smallest detail, especially about the individual time for them all and the middle child syndrome!! How old is your son?
A lot of my friends also have 3 chlildren of every combination (1 boy followed by 2 girls, 2 girls then a boy, 3 girls, 3 boys and I have 2 boys followed by a girl) and all of the children seem happy enough!!!
I think that if you are aware of giving them individual time then you will find a way to do it. My boys are both at school now (5 and 7) and even though they don't get much homework it still takes time - and although my hubby is mostly a great dad, we are very different in that when they have reading to do he will listen whilst doing something else whereas I have to read with them to make sure they are reading it properly and understand the words etc!! So it takes me more time to do it with them.
To be honest, when I had my first (aged 30) I found it quite hard to give up my time but have really changed in the last 7 years and when the children are up my time is for them and as they are all asleep by 7.30 I have the rest of the evening for me. I guess it is about finding a routine which suits you.
I don't think you should be too concerned about the pregnancy as it will only be for 9 months and your older 2 would soon forget how you were during that time. My 2 were 5 and 3 when I had the 2 mc and they just accepted everything. My boys both had a lunchtime nap up until they started school so I did too when I was pregnant and sick!!
As I said, I think if you give each child their own time it should prevent any middle child problems. I wanted 3 closer in age but it didn't turn out that way and when we look at it now, the age gap is great as the boys are 20 months apart then there is 4 years between 2 and 3 so the boys are really close anyway and love having a baby sister - especially the oldest who is so good with her.
You are still young!! (well compared to me anyway who still wants another and am 37 now!). Again, I think that as long as they feel loved and important they will accept siblings at any age. I was worried about how the boys would be after being on their own for so long but as I said they love their sister!!
Sorry this is so long again, hope that helps answer some of your questions? xx
Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions- I really appreciate it
My son is 17 months old.
It's great to hear such positive things about having 3 children- I know people to mean to be helpful, but I've had some negative comments about going for 3- a friend of mine is one of 3 and felt it may be too many (but I think his mum didn't have a supportive partner), and my mum looked worried when I mentioned the possibility- she only had 2.
It's really interesting that you said you found it quite hard to give up your time when you had your first child. I have to admit I've felt the same with my son, and have felt quite a failure about it at times. I love him so much, and I'm so glad to have him, and to be pregnant again, it's just that sometimes it gets too much for me for a while, and I'll go into the kitchen and read a magazine for a while. He's perfectly happy to play by himself for a while- I'd never leave him upset- but I do feel I still tend to think in terms of myself too much, rather than putting more effort in and giving him more of me. I guess when I get tired I just feel there isn't much of me left to give!
I don't know why I keep thinking about having a third when I haven't even had my second, but it just feels that I haven't completed the pregnancy journey, and I'm possibly meant to have a third child. Hopefully then I'll feel my family is complete. I guess I'll have to be patient and see how I feel when I've actually given birth!
Oh, speaking of birth your homebirth story is also very inspiring- I'd love to deliver at home this time.
I really hope you make a decision you're happy with about whether or not to have number 4, and that if you do go for it you don't have any problems this time.
Thanks again
xxx
19+4
Do you know what you are having this time? Do you have any preference and would what you have this time affect your decision on a 3rd? When we had our girl for the 3rd everyone kept saying, "you've got your girl now, your family is complete"!!!
I think we all feel like bad parents sometimes (I feel really bad if I shout at the children!) but we also need some time to ourselves - if we are happy they are too! I have found with all 3 of mine the more they sleep during the day the better they sleep at night which is why they all have all had day time naps for so long but I have also benefited from a break /rest during that time too.
My little girl is very chilled out (definately due to her wonderful arrival into the world!) and unlike her brothers will play happily on her own so like you, I do sometimes leave her to it and get on with other things - but it is good for children to be able to spend some time by themselves, and with 2 older brothers she has plenty of play time with them (another benefit of the 3rd one).
There will be a similar difference in age between your 2 as there was mine and although it was hard work at times I don't remember it being that bad!! I'm sure you'll be fine.
As I said, the gap between our 2nd and 3rd worked out really well as my 2nd started school when she was 5 months old so I have had so much time to myself to enjoy her, it has been like having a 1st child again (except with the benefits of older children to play with her after school while I make tea!!). I did a 2 year part time degree between 2 and 3 but another reason why I was happy to wait a while was looking forward to being pregnant again so I put it off for a bit. There are pros and cons to the different age gaps and you have to decide what is right for you.
What area do you live in?
I really hope you get your home birth this time xx
It's odd, before we had our son we said we wanted 2 children, but after I had him I didn't feel I wanted the pregnancy and baby experience to be over that soon, despite finding the labour tough and being all over the place for the first 2 weeks or so. Well, I felt that way after I started to feel better anyway!!
I've got my 20 week scan on Tuesday, but we're pretty sure we won't be finding out the sex- we had a surprise with our son too. I guess I would like the experience of having a daughter, but I think it would be nice for our son to have a brother, and I feel I know what I'm doing more with boys! Maybe I would be more likely to go for a third if this one is a boy though- we'd be very happy with either, but I suppose I would like to have the experience of having both if I'm honest. Having said that, I'm pretty sure I'd still be thinking of a third even if this baby is a girl- think my hubby is hoping it's a girl as he thinks I'll then be more likely to stop at 2 though!
Thank you for your encouraging words. I must admit I do often look forward to my son's nap time! I live in Whiteley, between Southampton and Portsmouth. How about you? I'm very impressed you managed to fit in doing a degree with having 2 children- amazing!
xx
I guess it's easy for me to say now because I've got my girl that I always wanted (one of the reasons being that, like you I wanted to experience one of each sex - but I also just wanted a girl anyway and as hubby is one of 4 boys and my daughter is the 4th of 6 grandchildren and only girl, I was very fortunate to get her, although after the 2 mc I would have been happy with either), but I am glad that I had both boys first as they are so close and do everything together, and really look out for each other.
I somehow always remember my pregnancies as fantastic and forget the fact that I have SPD, huge babies that mean I can barely walk at all for the last couple of months and was obviously very stressed throughout the last one after the mc....I still want to do it all again!!
Hopefully you will have a much better labour and birth this time- will you have a doula again? You got to being fully dilated last time so there is no reason why everything shouldn't be ok this time. I am so grateful for such a wonderful birth last time after the first 2 being so awful and love watching the birth dvd (hubby edited it down to a 10 min version!)
I am in Kent - it is a shame you are so far away as you could've come to our home birth group!
Hope the scan goes ok on tomorrow xx
Ouch, SPD- that sounds v painful! I know what you mean about forgetting the bad bits though- wanting a child just takes over everything else- just as well really!
I will be having my doula, thank God, I wouldn't want to be without her, she was fantastic. She was one of the first people I told- when I was only 7 weeks gone! I wanted to make sure no-one else booked her.
My hubby's family do live in Kent, but we don't really get there that often unfortunately.
Thanks so much for all your help, it's been v useful. I'll let you know how the scan goes.
xx
Our scan went really well today- everything seemed fine and the baby seem to be doing well, thank God.
We changed our minds last night and decided to find out the sex after all! We're having a little boy, which I'm really happy about- I thought we were having a boy anyway. It'll be nice for our son to have a brother, and it feels right to be having another boy.
May well go for another at some point- if it's another boy I'll be happy that we're meant to have just boys, and whatever the sex I know we're given the little people we're meant to have, and I'm very grateful for that. I don't know if I'd know what to do with a girl anyway!!
xx