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We've just booked an independent midwife!
Hi girls
Just wanted to share my story really. I'm 35+2 today. On Tuesday I went for my 34 week mw appointment. We had a short chat about the homebirth as the mw was due to visit us at home to discuss it fully. So anyhoo I asked, just out of curiosity really, how many homebirths they do in my town. The mw said about 3%, but then went on to say that there was a possibility that I would have to go to hospital anyway as they are so overstretched. She then revealed that on the weekend they had to close the maternity unit altogether as they ran out of beds! So in the space of 2 minutes I went from having a home birth to being told that there was a strong possibility that we would have to hot foot it to another hospital in a totally different town! NIGHTMARE!!
So that evening we went to a homebirth group and shared our concerns. There was a lady there who recommended her independent midwife, as did the group leaders. So we talked about it and decided that we would loose nothing by talking to her.
Then yesterday in the morning the NHS mw came for our home booking visit. Very quickly she started on again about how it was quite likely that we would have to go to hospital due to the labour ward being so busy. On top of this, although the was nice, she seemed to be determined that I would end up transferring anyway. She had a long list of why ladies are transferred and while some of them I agreed with totally, others seemed a bit vague, such as "failure to progress". Also I asked her how successful she feels homebirths are. Her answer was "well for second time mums I think they are brilliant". Oh, lovely (this is my first). Plus she said that about 50% of first time mums transfer to hospital, mainly because they "can't push out the baby". All in all I really didn't feel like she was "on my side".
Then a few hours later the imw arrived - oh my goodness what a difference! She immediately put me at ease, she was soooo supportive, she has done hundreds of homebirths and only transferred a handful of ladies. She laughed when I told her what the NHS mw had said about 50% of first time mums transferring. I felt an immediate bond with her, she echos my own feelings about how birth can be, and I felt that she would give me real choices and help me make the best decisions for me. Yes, we did talk about what would happen in an emergency, but it wasn't as alarmist as the NHS mw's discussion and the imw made me feel that she wouldn't be "looking" for a reason to tranfer, unlike the NHS mw.
Wow, can't believe how much I have ranted - well done if you've got this far! I just cannot believe the difference in how I feel today as compared to yesterday - after the NHS mw left I felt vulnerable and anxious and actually scared of giving birth, which up until now I haven't felt (I have been wary, obviously, but have always felt instinctively that I AM capable of doing it!). Today I feel excited about meeting my baby and feel like "bring it on".
![:\](https://forum.madeformums.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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Just wanted to share my story really. I'm 35+2 today. On Tuesday I went for my 34 week mw appointment. We had a short chat about the homebirth as the mw was due to visit us at home to discuss it fully. So anyhoo I asked, just out of curiosity really, how many homebirths they do in my town. The mw said about 3%, but then went on to say that there was a possibility that I would have to go to hospital anyway as they are so overstretched. She then revealed that on the weekend they had to close the maternity unit altogether as they ran out of beds! So in the space of 2 minutes I went from having a home birth to being told that there was a strong possibility that we would have to hot foot it to another hospital in a totally different town! NIGHTMARE!!
So that evening we went to a homebirth group and shared our concerns. There was a lady there who recommended her independent midwife, as did the group leaders. So we talked about it and decided that we would loose nothing by talking to her.
Then yesterday in the morning the NHS mw came for our home booking visit. Very quickly she started on again about how it was quite likely that we would have to go to hospital due to the labour ward being so busy. On top of this, although the was nice, she seemed to be determined that I would end up transferring anyway. She had a long list of why ladies are transferred and while some of them I agreed with totally, others seemed a bit vague, such as "failure to progress". Also I asked her how successful she feels homebirths are. Her answer was "well for second time mums I think they are brilliant". Oh, lovely (this is my first). Plus she said that about 50% of first time mums transfer to hospital, mainly because they "can't push out the baby". All in all I really didn't feel like she was "on my side".
Then a few hours later the imw arrived - oh my goodness what a difference! She immediately put me at ease, she was soooo supportive, she has done hundreds of homebirths and only transferred a handful of ladies. She laughed when I told her what the NHS mw had said about 50% of first time mums transferring. I felt an immediate bond with her, she echos my own feelings about how birth can be, and I felt that she would give me real choices and help me make the best decisions for me. Yes, we did talk about what would happen in an emergency, but it wasn't as alarmist as the NHS mw's discussion and the imw made me feel that she wouldn't be "looking" for a reason to tranfer, unlike the NHS mw.
Wow, can't believe how much I have ranted - well done if you've got this far! I just cannot believe the difference in how I feel today as compared to yesterday - after the NHS mw left I felt vulnerable and anxious and actually scared of giving birth, which up until now I haven't felt (I have been wary, obviously, but have always felt instinctively that I AM capable of doing it!). Today I feel excited about meeting my baby and feel like "bring it on".
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Replies
It is really such a shame that they said they are short staffed. I heard some mumblings of this in my area, but when the MW came to do my booking in appt she was so positive about it being her at my birth.
I totally understand how you felt when they keep changing the script. You have made a good decision about independent MW, because at this stage you need to feel relaxed and confident about your birth. I felt exactly like you did a month or so ago, and since employing our Doula I feel so chilled. Bring it on, I say!
When's your due date??
I know a few IMW and they are fab and really supportive. I have got the support of my NHS midwife but i have also got a Doula to support me while i'm in labour.
not long now 39+4
We thought about a Doula instead of an IMW, but with the lady we booked I kinda feel we have got both in one person! I think its really important to have someone there who is routing for you and looking out for your best interests.
I'm glad your mw is more positive than mine - it's not that she was negative really, more that she was apathetic. Plus there was no guarantee that we would get her on the day, and not knowing who would attend me (if anyone!) just added to my anxiety.
My due date is 20th October. You don't have long to go now do you?
Arent you lucky! I wish I could have an IMW! I googled it and cant seem to find one who isn't thousands of pounds!! we just cannot afford one!!
MY MW has said the same to me "you'll end up going to hosp anyway due to lack of midwives" and that was at my 34 week appt, I see her again on Thurs and Hubby is coming with me to make it very plain as day WE WANT A HOMEBIRTH!!!!
This is third normal birth so I'm not high risk or anything, my midwife is just not interested!
Now I also know that two out of the three place to give birth are closing due to a baby boom from sept to January! it means I may not even get a borth room at my hospital 25 mins away - so hardly worth the journey or complete kerfuffle having to drag my two kids with us as we have noone to watch them!!!
I have contacted the hire place for a birth pool already so will book it. I do have a doula I found online who lives afew roads away from me, but she wants ??350! to come here for the birth! shit I think I'm in the wrong job! but she wont be able to tell me how dilated I am or what way round my baby is or anything so she would basically be like having a friend here.
I laid awake this morning for hours thinking I will be all tuff when the day comes and tell the midwive on the phone that I WILL HOT GO TO Hospital just because they have noone who wants to come to me, I'm then worried I'll be left to labour with my hubby (who is also crapping his pants) with perhaps a back to back baby and not know, or have the nightmare of a breech!? what if the baby needs attention when its born??
I hate the postcode lottery! I feel really let down in my area. I did contact an independant midiwfe by email a few weeks ago for advice and how much she'd want to just be here for my birth, no reply! obviously not ineterested as she wont earn full whack!
Tutan-didamoon: I know just what you mean about thinking you are going to be tough and dig your heels in when the time comes. But then you think "why should I have to?". And yeah, when exactly ISN'T there a baby boom? Seems like every month is a busy time for babies. I don't think it's so much of a postcode lottery, more a nation wide shortage of midwives and maternity services. To be honest I wish I didn't have to spend out on an IMW, but as hubby said, this is why we save and work hard. Admittedly I thought we were saving for a new kitchen, but I'd much rather put up with lack of cupboard space for a few more years to get the birth experience I want!
It is worth e mailing any other IMW in your area if you are really keen and look at doula uk for a trainee doula the most the can charge is ??200 which i know sounds a lot be there experience and support can be invaluable! they know ways to get around the system that you may not!
And moonandstars I agree you birth experience will stay with you a lot longer than kitchen cuboards and its lovely you have such a understanding and supportive hubby.
I hope you both get the births you want!!
xx
Tutan - didamoon - if you hire a doula they will call the MW for you when you go into labour and if they are experience they will be able to tell how far on etc you are. Have you had the Doula round yet? The fee is for more than just coming round for the birth, Mine has been round for 2 ante natal visits and also attended my "booking in appointment". She also contacts me regularly to see how I am and has been through my birth plan with me. She will then attend the birth, as soon as I go into active labour and she will negotiate any NHS staffing issues etc. She will also transfer to hospital with me if I need to. Like you, I was really stressed about my homebirth on teh NHS, but since employing my Doula, I feel so calm and exited about the big day. I think the fee will be money well spent if you go ahead,
If you have been advised there are staffing shortages, you can write to you Trust - there is a template letter on the AIMS homepage: www.aims.org.uk
Your Doula can also advise you about this.
I really hope you (and I) get the homebirth you want.. It's so annoying that the NHS is not set up well enough to provide the service that so may women want.
Good Luck!
xxx
Im so glad you have one too now. We didnt take ours on til quite late (28wks) so even though we missed their care in the earlier weeks it didnt matter. The birth and the aftercare was what mattered the most. I felt very supported and relaxed, I hope you do too.
xx
jeepers creepers!
Well thats us out of the IM market! shame really as she seemed so lovely! but we just cant afford that, well cant really afford ANYTHING but MIGHT have stretched ourselves if it was under a thousand! lol oh well I can dream cant I!
Looks like we'll have to wing it and hope an nhs one bothers to turn up and not an hour after the event!