Do you ever feel like a failure?

TulipRose · Feb 13, 2014 10:24AM

Hi I'm sorry this is such a downer. I'm really struggling at the moment. I had a traumatic first labour, induced for a condition then 36 hours labour and although we dilated fully and pushed for 3 hours he was back to back and got stuck resulting in c section. Afterwards there were a host of issues with recovery, bonding, feeding and guilt etc. It took a lot to get pregnant again after the time before. We were told re the condition we would never be induced and a vbac is only allowed to go so long. I thought it would never be as bad again. But at the 20 week scan we found the placenta is low and at the front covering the c section scar. It will be looked at again at 32 weeks to be sure but it's 50:50 it will clear the region. It brings a whole host of complications and words like haemorrhage and hysterectomy and early admission were all mentioned. It's not guaranteed but the findings have thrown me. I really thought we would be in for a better time. I guess there are no guarantees even with a smooth first pregnancy. But it feels so unfair. I am so jealous of women who have had vaginal births and seem to sail through without issue. In sure it's not really like that but I so wanted a natural birth. I just feel as though I've failed and maybe I'm cheating nature or something. The thought that neither if is would be here without modern science is scary. I'm trying to get some perspective but it's so difficult. Every time baby kicks I'm happy and then I panic. Why us and why again? (Sorry. I'm sure I will pull myself together soon)

LH86 · Feb 10, 2014 8:22PM

So sorry Hun but I know how u feel, u know how much I didn't want a c-section, I still cry about it now sometimes even tho I have my lovely baby I just wanna feel like myself again. Sometimes life throws us a curveball but it all turned out ok for me and it will for u too have faith in ur body and just take it one day at a time. Keeping fx for u chick big hugs xxx

jay 2 · Feb 11, 2014 3:56AM

Hey tulip I feel the same way I really wanted a vbac this time around but been told due to liver not behaving they probably will get baby out at 37 weeks and since they won't induce my Labour I'll probably have another c section I'm so upset about it I feel ripped off but in end we got to know it's got to be what's best for us and baby for both to get through birth happy and healthy so even though I'm still very upset about it I'm glad I have a few weeks to get use to the idea instead of just having one and have no time to deal with it before baby I'd born. Hope that things get better for you sweetie we are here for you. Big hugs

spongebobby · Feb 11, 2014 5:35PM

Tulip honey, after doing it both ways and having difficulties both times I can honestly say a vbac is not all its cracked up to be!

Yes recovery is better but I'm still not healed after 9 weeks.

Just remember the end result and those gorgeous newborn snuggles on your shoulder xx

TulipRose · Feb 13, 2014 10:24AM

Thanks hon. That means a lot.

I'm feeling a bit more positive and DH and I had a huge chat last night. I think a lot of it is tied up with fear from last time. I think my main aim is that whatever we need to do I don't want to be as petrified as last time.

We are really looking at the posisbility of hypnobirthing because this ought to help us cope with our feelings from last time so they don't spill over into this one. (We both feel we are almost dreading labour and the first few months as it was so tricky last time...this is not right).

So the vague 'plan' is to keep an open mind, try hypnobirthing to deal with the fear side and what will be will be re VBAC or c section.

I have to accept I can't control what happens, but I can do my best to go into it calm, flexible and feeling confident we can cope with whatever happens.

Do you ever feel like a failure?

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