10 Months on

and im finally accepting that im just not over my birth and aftercare.

I was in labour for 21 hours and when they broke my waters 17 hours there was meccanioum (sp) so i was transferred to labour ward and hooked up to all the monitors etc had no urge to push and in so much pain thoughout last few weeks saw two different midwifes one said baby was in right position other thought he was lying more on my back and i think the 2nd was probably right as the pain was all in my back.

So they gave me the drip to try and build the contractions up but i still had no major urge to push so they were looking at the monitor and telling me when to push from when the contractions were getting stronger, its at this point it went downhill for me im not a 100% sure as i still havent admitted to my hubby how im feeling and he was down that end so can clarify but i think the midwife was putting her hands right in to try and help him out(thats what it felt like anyway!) and then when he finally was born after two hours of pushing he had the cord around his neck four times which really scared me then he was given to me but i started bleeing heavily so he was taken straight off me and given to hubby i got no skin to skin no chance to breastfeed.

The midwife got the doctor in as thought i was going to have to go to surgery to be stitched up but he said it looked worse than it was and though down to the muscle she was fine to stitch up took what felt like an hour i was in so much pain. then when that was done they left the room so i tried to breastfeed ollie when someone came in and said i couldnt do that now as i needed to have a bath but they would help me on the ward so he goes back to hubby and i stand up and nearly collapsed as was sick throughtout my labour they gave me some chocolate and then i got in the bath i asked if my hubby could stay as it was 3am but they said no becuase of the meccaniom ollie needed to be monitored for 12 hours so he had to go home and i went onto the ward where i asked the lady to help me feed she showed me how to hold him but then left me and said to just press the button if i wanted her, he wasnt really co-operating so we both had a sleep.

all throughout the next day we tried to feed him but he just coudlnt latch on i asked the staff if i could go to the local birthing centre so hubby could stay but they said no if he wasnt feeding they wouldnt want me which is just rubbish now but at the time i just kind of went along with it. tried again all night with them trying to get me to express but ollie was crying so had to keep unhooking myself from it to go and get him so didnt get very far the lady on the ward enventually said she would try him on a bottle just so he could get something but he couldnt suck it he eventually did take some of it and another lady who came to help me later on when i was trying to breastfeed said if hes not feeding they wont let you out again today. So i gave him the bottle i was just not coping too well in there on my own and wanted to be home.

Part of my problem was that i had three different midwives throughout my pregnancy and the last one only saw twice before i had ollie so didnt feel that i knew her well enough when all this was going on to contact to see if i could have been moved and stuff.

When i looked at my hopsital notes afterwards it had by skin to skin mother did not request which is just rubbish i didnt put it on my birthing plan but only as i wasnt asked if i wanted to so i wrongly assumed that it was just standard there was a student midwife who when i was being stitched up said you can get your skin to skin soon so she knew i wanted it.

I got no pictures of us straight after delivery the only ones are the next day (no this is really minor but i was really dissapointed)

I know compared to what some have been through this really isnt that traumatic but im just finding it really hard to move on from

Thanks for reading sorry its such an essay!

Rach xxxx

[Modified by: MrsB84 on 18 July 2010 08:16:44 ]