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feel fairly low at the minute

hey ladies,



so as my subject title says i'm feeling pretty low at the minute. i generally get on with this whole ttc malarky but at the minute i just feel proper crap! in november we'll have been ttc for 3 years.! with no bfp yet! i'm just really fed up now. i'm on 7th cycle of clomid and consultant is talking of ivf next but really scared that won't work either. starting to go into a panic mode a little.



everywhere i look women are up the duff! facebook status' are all about scans and baby countdowns. jesus its like they're bloody everywhere but in my womb.



i went out on friday with the family for a meal and my sisters sister in law has just had a baby and brought her to the meal. we were talking about us trying for one and got the usual feedback about 'it will happen' yeah whatever! then they got her out of her pram and gave her me for a cuddle to try and make me feel better. i was practically in tears. she was so perfect with her tiny little fingers n toes and i could have held her forever. i was completely transfixed by the moment of holding her. i could feel the emotions that my family felt for us too. they're so desperate for us to have our own too and my big sister kept asking if i was ok.



GOD it really sucks so much. i want my own. i'm a mummy but i have no baby to be a mummy too.



i don't mean to go on i just feel like proper shit at the minute

h x
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Replies

  • Aw honey, so sorry you're feeling low. I know exactly how you feel. We've been trying for 2.5 years this month and I've never been pregnant. Getting v sick of the 'it'll happen' [email protected] people tell me. I'm trying to focus on other things and it generally works most of the time - I still have some low days.

    Hope your IVF works for you. You sound like the sort of person who deserves to be a mummy xx
  • aw hun im really sorry to hear this. I can only try to understand what ur going through as ive already gt a daughter but i know exactly how u feel with this ttc stuff! its hell! i keep getting remarks like " u need to stop thinking about it" blah blah! some people just dont have a clue!



    when i see others getting preg i just say to my self " my moment will be so much better because i will appreciate how much of a blessing it is"



    i know it sounds like the rest of those blah comments uv probably already had but "good things come to those that wait" but i fully inderstand that the waiting bit is the hardest.



    i really feel for u hun!



    i hope you have your BFP soon! image
  • Aw Hannah lovely. Everyone has those days. I know I had soooooooo many through the whole ttc lark. I remember the annoying people who say ' relax and it will happen ' or ' it will happen when u least expect it ' but I hate to say it they were right!

    I was more relaxed, and it did happen when I least expected it! Soooo many times I wanted to scream at people!!



    U will b a mum one day and u deserve too b and ur baby will b extra special because of everything uv been through.





    X x x
  • Awww, Hannahbelle, I thought you'd dropped off the radar a little. Sucks, doesn't it? We'll be 3 years in December. I've just been depressing myself with researching pcos and the more I do, the more I think there must be something else wrong with us, but as they have found pcos and are treating that, assuming that is our only problem. But I'm ovulating on clomid, so why am I not getting pregnant?



    Maybe Faye is right and we need to take a break and stop thinking about it??!! Any hints as to HOW I stop thinking about it?!?! I am determined to stop using my opk's this month. I also thought about looking into alternatives, like adoption and fostering. I don't want to be negative, but there is always a chance that it won't happen and I don't want my world to end if I can't have my own baby.



    On a more positive note, my friend is now 22 weeks pregnant at 37 and had given up trying a long time ago (she didn't say how long she had been trying, but said they'd been married 14 years...).



    I know exactly what you mean about holding babies, I feel like my heart could melt and I so desperately want to hold my own baby. I don't know how anyone ever puts them down!



    xx
  • Aw Hannah, we all know how you feel its one of the hardest to be going through epecially like you say everyone else around is announcing pregnancies! I've been told of 3 preganacies just in 1 week and although Im happy for people it is so hard. Hope you feel more positive soon you know where we all are and we all know what you're going through xxxxx
  • Aww sweetie, sending you a hug xxx
  • Ah HannahBelle, i know exactly how you're feeling. It's been two and a half years for us, on our 5th cycle of clomid and it's looking pretty bleak. I can't bare the thought of having IVF and it failing. All i've ever wanted to be is a mummy and i cant be. It seems so frustrating and unfair. I'm sure it will happen for us one day though hun, it's got to - cos i'm not giving up!

    Hope you feel better soon xxx
  • hey ladies.



    thanks for all your lovely replies. brought a tear to my eyes seeing how sweet you all are!

    i'm not normally fazed by it all but just think i've had enough now. n as awful as it sounds i can't even be bothered having sex with my husband any more cos its all about making a baby that never happens! i've tried having time out. last month we had a month off n knowing full well that we weren't trying i still cried myself to sleep the night af arrived. so silly i know. i'm on cd 13 n should be full of pma for the month but seriously can't be bothered any more. i'm making myself bd. jesus i never thought i'd hear myslef say that in my life. i can't wait for the day that i have sex for pure pleasure again!!! i have such a desperate feeling running through me all the time.

    i've even mixed clomid with evening primrose this month out of desperate measures which is probably a stupid idea cos for the clomid days i was on the verge of throwing up! i need a kick up the butt!!



    really hope i come out of this depressive mood soon. its getting me down pretty bad now



    thanks for your replies again xxxx
  • Hey chick



    Sorry you feel rubbish. . I no exactly how you feel. Im in a similar boat to you of everyone around me gets pregnant but me. . I don't really no what makes it better but all i will say is that the most important thing in my life now is my husband and Im thankfully i have him everyday. . I don't no how i would cope without that support . Sending you massive hugs and really hope it happens for you soon x x x
  • Hi Hannah,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so low. You are definitely not alone in how you feel. I need both my fingers AND my toes to count the number of babies conceived/born since we started trying and that is only just over a year ago. You're right, it's NOT fair.



    In the past week, I have gone from high as a kite thinking I was very lucky to hitting the ground with an almighty thud.



    I cannot comprehend the thought of never being able to have children. IVF scares the hell out of me. What happens if that's our only option?



    Everything sucks sometimes, but I guess we have to stay positive, especially when being realistic is just upsetting. Just remember you are not comepletely alone!



    I really wish you all the luck and success getting pregnant!



    xxx
  • aww thanks again for you replies ladies. you're all so sweet. i've said it before in the past and i'll say it again i really don't know what i'd do if it wasn't for BE. you are all so sweet and aupportive!

    my husband tries his best to understand me but it is diff for the women. we feel everything and 'believe' that every month is our month! he cuddles me all the time and tells me we'll get there but lately he's been feeling quite negative and thinks ivf is our only hope now, and it frightens me that he's pinning all his hopes on something else that may not work either!



    i'm now cd 14 which is normally ov day for me. i'm waiting for the horrendous ov pain to hit me, that usually takes my breath away and puts me on the sofa but its not got me yet! i've told my hubby that last night was his night to relax cos for the rest of the week up until sunday we're gonna be at it every day. poor thing didn't really respond!

    the least we can do is do our bit and maybe just maybe this month one of my steel coated eggs (which i'm pretty sure i have) may just be fertilised!!!
  • Aww i know what u mean about having sex just for the sake off making a baby... I know thats what we all want here... But it sure takes the spark out off things.. image

    I hate thinking to myself "oh well, CD 14 again.. better get him tonight" Surely its not ment to be like that... Maybe thats where we are going wrong? ha... I get that many little twinges, that i never know exactly when im OV'ing... Although this month was one off the first that ive noticed EWCM... which is very unusual for me!! :P



    Hope your all well ladies... image xx
  • It's all just rubbish isn't it? Because of my laparoscopy I had to miss my friends 30th birthday at the weekend as it would have involved a long (7hr) drive. Gutted, but just seen the photos and there were so many toddlers and babies and pregnant friends I'm almost glad I couldn't go. Was a bit teary even looking at the photos. Stupid eh?
  • Hi Hannah - Hope you're feeling a little better today.

    Your posts sound like my thoughts. Been nearly 3 years for us and I have been feeling for a while how I could easily have a few months off not BDing at all, how bad does that sound!

    Seems like everytime I open the paper or check my emails there's news of another celeb pregnant and though I'm pleased for them (really I am) I can't help but be incredibly p!ssed off too!

    I had almost decided not to go down the IVF route but was thinking about it loads this morning. But I wonder whether to bother since nothing else has workedimage



    Let's hope we all have some luck soon! x
  • well i maybe coming out the other side of my low..... finally!



    my mate who is on clomid too has just been back for her appoint which i'll have on my next cycle and she been referred for ivf, and she only has to wait til feb next year! how good is that. so i'm hoping that i'll be march next year for my referral so fingers are crossed for my next appoint which will be in about 3 weeks. hurry up time image
  • me and you can count down the 3 weeks together... still waiting for hubby's tese which is on the 28th so 3 weeks away it can't come soon enough!



    where abouts are you being treated?
  • i'm in cumbria but the nearest place of ivf is leeds so have to be referred there which means lots of travelling so starting to save up my holidays at work and some cash.

    3 weeks can't come quick enough. i'll countdown with you

    xxx
  • Ladies it took me 4 years to get my bfp and then out of the blue I did and I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant... Please don't give up hope x x
  • Thanks for that LittleMiracle! It really does give us some hope! image

    I must say that I still can't understand why it does take some people so long though!

    Congratulations! xx
  • aww little miracle i love posts that women after a very long time of ttc finally get a bfp! did you do anything differently on the month you got preg.....or were you another one who was having a month relaxing??? :-P
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