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My first miscarriage and devastated

I am 30 years old and have been ttc for 9 months now, was diagnosed as low progesterone and was waiting for my period to do some tests only to find me unexpectedly Pregnant!!!!! i was crying with happiness and ran to my husband at work to tell him the news. For 4 happy days i was the happiest woman on earth and taking oral progesterone just in case.
On 4wk6days we did a bhcg and it was 4550 which was great and reassured me, only to start bleeding 5 hours later, it was not much and not with a severe pain but it was fresh red in color, i was devastated and rushed to the hospital, the doctor made an U/S and told me hat she can see the gestational sac but not the baby yet as it is a little early in pregnancy. She told me to relax and repeat the bhcg 2 days later, i stopped bleeding and did the the test on Monday to find it 7800 almost double, i was so happy and started to believe that it was all implantation bleeding. The same night i had severe cramping pelvic pains and i started to bleed heavily.
I am devastated, we are waiting for the hospital to call us for an appointment and i am not eating just in case the perform a D&C or something.
For one whole week i was on a huge rollercoaster. It is just so hard and i am trying not to show it because i dont want to make my husband sad, i love him too much, and somehow i believe i caused him enough misery so far.

Replies

  • Your post has rung so many bells for me that I just had to reply.

    I am 33 and had been trying for 7 months when we found out I was pg in November last year. You cannot describe the overwhelming feeling of happiness to anyone who hasn't experienced it. My hubbie and I were on top of the world. About a week later I started to mc and within 3 days it was all over. My husband bottled it up and I saw him cry only twice whilst I cried most days.

    Don't stop talking to your husband. Your hubbie will be as sad and upset as you and right now you both need each other. If your husband is like mine he will want to protect you first and foremost and make sure you are ok. I know men don't like talking but I really wish that I had paid more attention to how my hubbie was feeling at the time.

    It is totally devastating and no one can understand unless they have been through it which is why this forum was so good for me. Also knowing that there were other people also going through this helped enormously.

    Take care and use this forum for support. We are all here for you.

    C.xx

  • Go bless you, i cant thank you enough for your reply.

    While trying to appear so strong and saying it is Gods will and that there will always be tomorrow, i am just putting moe stress on myself.I just dont know when will this pain in my soul end. It is so comforting to talk about it here, i live in my husbands country(Germany) and i have no family or friends here, and it is just so hard to just "deal with" by oneself
  • i really thank you ladies, your comforting words are exaxtly what i need now.
    May God bless you and i pray that we all get what we are dreaming of, a nice healthy baby.
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