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MC'd last week
Hi Im new to this, just hoping these kind of forums can help me over the grief and pain at the moment.
Last week found out preg with our first (only 5 wks ttc!), within 4 days after classic preg symptoms I had the most severe abdominal pain, Dr said sounded like a threatening miscarriage and sent me home telling me to rest. He rung the EPU but they said too early to scan, so rest and take paracetamol for pain (not that it touched it). Next day I had no pain but heavy bleeding, I knew I was losing the baby. A trip back to the Dr and a HCG blood test confirmed MC. My HCG was only 4, as good as negative my Dr said.
Since then Ive been a mess. The sense of loss is overwhelming, The worst part being first thing in morning when I wake and after a few hours of not thinking about it I awake and it hits me again - that its not been a nightmare its all very real. My partner and I have been brought even closer through all this tho, we didnt tell friends/family so we only have each othere to talk too (and this forum for me), not being able to share it is def hard for us both.
Today is my first day of feeling positive though. I saw GP this morning who checked me over and bleeding now stopped and no pain (apart from my heart). Emotionally its the hardest bit. Dr recommended we get back ttc asap, just wait for fist period and then get "back to it".
Im just so scared of MC again and also the desperation of wanting to be preg again, any stories from any of you in similar position would really help me - i need all the positivity I can get right now!
Sorry I know this has been a long one, just nice to be able to share this trauma
Sue xx
Last week found out preg with our first (only 5 wks ttc!), within 4 days after classic preg symptoms I had the most severe abdominal pain, Dr said sounded like a threatening miscarriage and sent me home telling me to rest. He rung the EPU but they said too early to scan, so rest and take paracetamol for pain (not that it touched it). Next day I had no pain but heavy bleeding, I knew I was losing the baby. A trip back to the Dr and a HCG blood test confirmed MC. My HCG was only 4, as good as negative my Dr said.
Since then Ive been a mess. The sense of loss is overwhelming, The worst part being first thing in morning when I wake and after a few hours of not thinking about it I awake and it hits me again - that its not been a nightmare its all very real. My partner and I have been brought even closer through all this tho, we didnt tell friends/family so we only have each othere to talk too (and this forum for me), not being able to share it is def hard for us both.
Today is my first day of feeling positive though. I saw GP this morning who checked me over and bleeding now stopped and no pain (apart from my heart). Emotionally its the hardest bit. Dr recommended we get back ttc asap, just wait for fist period and then get "back to it".
Im just so scared of MC again and also the desperation of wanting to be preg again, any stories from any of you in similar position would really help me - i need all the positivity I can get right now!
Sorry I know this has been a long one, just nice to be able to share this trauma
Sue xx
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Replies
I found the mornings the worst too - it's like you're learning the loss over and over again each morning for the first time.
I am glad you are feeling a bit more positive today though. I have read that you only have a 2.25% chance of going on to have a second miscarriage the very next time.
Good luck with TTC again and I hope you get a sticky BFP really soon.
Take care, NN xx
Firstly welcome to the forum, but more importantly, so sorry for your loss. It is really hard to think you have something and then it's gone just like that. But like the girls said already, it really does get easier with time. And while you are going through each day know that we are all here for you to support you.
My hubby and I received our bad news at our first appointment nearly 4wks ago. We should have been 10wks but I'd been lightly spotting since 5wks and a scan showed that our angel didn't make it passed 7wks, meaning it was a missed mc. I started to lose a lot of blood clots the following day and soon lost the pregnancy. I went in for an erpc a few days later to have everything removed.
I don't think it matters how far along you are, it is still a loss that you have to deal with and it's devastating. There are +ve days, and those that are really hard, but it really truly does get easier. For me I found that by telling people (even if I could only tell them by email instead of saying it out loud) it helped me a lot as I got so much support. Not many people knew we were even pregnant. I have 2 friends who are due to give birth any day now and I told them first. I needed to tell them I needed some space so that they knew why I had to pull away for a bit. They respected my honesty and expressed their support for me at the same time. I needed to tell people what not to say to me, before they put their foot in it (and people do - without meaning too!) So don't feel you need to go this alone with your OH. It is good to talk and there is nothing to feel bad or ashamed about as this is something that has happened and you will get through it.
You can though start ttc straight away if you feel you are ready. My hubby and I are as we didn't want to wait any longer. We won't forget what we have lost but we are trying to look forward all the time. The decision is both yours so see how you feel.
Big hugs xxx
Its amazing how just even using these forums to chat is making it easier for me, something to sound off to I guess! And knowing Im not alone. I have decided to tell 2 of my closest friends and we're meeting for a coffee this afternoon. I'll take a handbag full of tissues, but Im sure once it's out I will feel happier them knowing and the support I'll get from them will help me.
Last night me and OH spoke about ttc again, I feel more positive in giving it ago and I'll never forget what has happened but Im seeing some positivity out of this bad situation and that is that it just wasn't our time but we're stronger as a couple for this and now want this even more. I've never been one to fall at the first hurdle so I'm getting back up and trying again!
Im back at work next week - they dont know. And Im feeling very weird about that. OH thinks it will do me good to get some "normality" back & take mind of things but part of me feels how can I go back and act like everything is the same when we've gone through what we have the space of 2 weeks??
I hope all of you are having an "up" day! Supporting each other this can only get easier for us all.
Hugs to all xx
I felt like I had this terrible secret but tellling people really lifted a weight!
I decided to tell my 2 closest friends aswell. They werent that great..lol....but thats just bcos they really didnt know what to say - bless them.
Hope you feel better soon hunny x
Just wanted to update you both after your lovely supporting messages.
Week today it happened. And I have to say this morning was the first morning without that dark, pit in the stomach feeling. I got up with the sun streaming through the windows, had a shower and then wrapped up warm and took the dog out for a brisk, frosty walk. I felt different. Im more optimistic, yes Im still sad but Im looking forward.
Me and OH touched on TTC again and Im feeling very positive in doing this asap. Emotionally I think it may even help in some strange way? Im now just more concerned on the logistics - will BD hurt?!
Can I ask how both of you are and where youre at - ie, how long since MC, considering TTC again? How now feeling?
Anyway I wanted to share that Im brighter and I hope you are both having an "up" day. We have to look forward I guess as whats happened cant be changed, we can only learn and grow stronger because of it. Chatting with you guys REALLY helps me in the process so a big thank you.
Hugs xxx
I am so happy you feel more positive...it is such a leap to get there...well done x
I mc'd at 10 weeks pg. It will be 6 weeks tomorrow that I actually had the mc. I mc naturally, had many scans to confirm my womb was clear (apart from one little piece measuring 0.8mm, which they was not concerned about unless I got symptoms of infection like sickness, fever etc).
I bled for about 1 week after I mc'd and as soon as I stopped bleeding we started ttc again, I did not want to wait for one af (i checked with the mc association charity and they told me it was safe to bd straight away and the only reason your hospital will say wait for one af is bcos if you fell pg they wouldnt know your dates, but it is all rubbish bcos they can work out your dates with a scan).
I too feel that being pg again is all I want and it will help me emotionally (I dont want to replace my lost baby but i basically just want a baby!). Bd did not hurt at all. I was worried that the little piece which was left would stop me from becoming pg but the hospital said it wld not.
I had 2.5 weeks off work, we had told my two bosses and they were amazing so i was happy to go back to work.
I have good days and bad days, and seeing bfps on here actually really upsets me, but i think thats a normal reaction. I feel very alone at times and I cry myself to sleep most nights but hubby just holds me - I think it is good to cry and let it all out.
I received my af 31 days after I mc'd, which is good i suppose as some ladies wait longer. I am on CD10 and bd every night or every other.....trying to keep stress free and positive as i know I will not fall pg if I am stressed. I do not want to start charting my temps or ov days etc as that will make me obsessed. Hubby is happy bd every day or other (he's never had it so good ha!)......he feels used at times haha..but he doesnt mind.
Hunny I wish I cld tell you that 6 weeks on I am feeling great and you will too but the reality is we will grieve and grieve and eventually we will fall back into 'normal' life but timewise it will be different for all of us.
coming on this forum daily helps me each day....i love speaking to others and knowing i am not irrational. Or that what I am feeling is completely normal.
Please ask as many questions as you like or rant away...I sure did! And still do ;\)
lots of love to you and your oh x
Yes today Ive been up - tomorrow - who knows. Im trying to not put pressure on myself, I did start getting mad at myself crying all the time but ultimately my hormones are up the wall and Im grieving. Why shouldn't I cry. The lonlieness has been the hardest. This site has made me improve leaps & bounds (and special messages from people like your sweet self!) My OH has been fantastic, we've been brought closer by all this which then makes me think that BD'ing as well will just feel so special.
Staying strong and yet accepting what has happened is soooo tough but we've got an amazing journey ahead. Character building as my old Nan used to say!
Hugs xxx
Tesco/Sainsburys worst place to go.....too many yummy mummies with babies arghhhhhhhh ;\)
But keep thinking about everything postive. All the things you can do now that you couldn't before. Go treat yourself to some sushi, pate, soft cheese, rare meat, go bleach your hair, have a full body massage...! Allow yourself to get back to some normality and most of all... enjoy the closeness with your OH. Happy bd'ing! xx
SIM75 - I am doing exactly that! Ive not drank alcohol or coffee for the past 7 months - for this weekend Ive bought a bottle of Rose for us to have with a takeaway! That will be my little treat tho as I want to keep up all the good work that Ive done to my body. Espec as want to try BDing ASAP.
Are you both on TTC after Miscarriage forum? If so chat to you there.
Moving onto that forum in itself has to be a positive step forward doesnt it?
Huge thanks for all the advice/chat/thoughts - its so much easier talking to people whove been through it. Friends are supportive but they dont know what to say. And furthermore they havent any idea of the emotions that just hit you - even when you're on a strong day.
We'll all get there - together. Much love Sue x
It's ok to allow yourself to have a blowout. I gave myself 2 weekends, and what a struggle that was after not having drunk for 3 months!!! I wonder if the hangovers (which were x10 to what they used to be, I swear!!) were even worth it. But yeah, it's good to keep up our health to be optimum for ttc again.
See you on the other side xx