Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

I cant believe it has happened

Hi,
I am afraid I have to join this forum. Had a terrible shock this week. i thought I was happily 13 weeks pregnant, had all the symtoms etc etc and had no bleeding or anything. We turned up to the routine 12 week scan on tuesday to find our baby had died at 8 weeks. We were in total shock. Has anyone else found out about a missed miscarrige in this way? I felt so silly - like i should have known. They say I wouldnt have known cos my body had still been trying to look after the baby - the sac was the size for 13 weeks. I opted to have a erpc yesterday, which seems to have gone ok.
Now we need to get over it emotionally. I just cant believe that life can be so cruel.:cry:

Replies

  • Hi
    Just wanted to say hello, so sorry for your loss good to join this forum though, it is a great support and you won;t feel so alone - I only joined this week following an ectopic so can;t comment on the miscarriage but can understand the pain and shock
    take one day at a time, some are better than others
    Daisyx
  • Oh newbiemum, i'm so sorry for your loss.

    MMC is a terrible shock and many of us on here have been through the exact same thing so you're not alone. All mc are cruel but there's something about mmc that makes it even worse - i think it is the shock because up til the scan to tell you differently as far as you're concerned the pg is continuing and everything is fine - i found out this way both times.

    Look after yourself physically and emotionally and take all the time you need.

    We're here to chat anytime.

    Fairy x
  • Thank you. I never realised until this week how common miscarriages are. I sailed through my first pregnancy with no problems and had a really quick labour. we have a lovely 18 month old boy. I just expected this one to be the same. I know i am lucky to have one baby and that does make it easier.

    I think the thing i am finding hard now is that people feel awkward around me. They don't know what to say - which i can understand. People dont say anything so i act all happy saying to them that they can act 'normal' around us - so we end up having random conversations about anything over than our mc with family members that have come round to see if we are ok and then I feel bad for thinking - hang on a minute we should be talking about the fact we have just lost a baby. Everything is so mixed up in my head. I am in bed at the mo as trying to rest after my op yesterday - i don't want to over do it - although im physically feeling ok.
    My husband and I are finding it easy to talk and cry together which I am so glad about.
    Hugs to everyone that goes through a mc.
  • Hi Newbiemum,

    So sorry to hear of your loss, it is a terrible shock to go to your scan and find out you have had a mmc.
    I am glad that you are taking it easy after your op you need lots of tlc at the moment. You need to heal both physcially and emotinally which all takes time, but now you are on here I promise you wont feel so alone with coping with the traumas of mc.

    Thinking of you x
  • Newbiemum I am so sorry for your loss, exactly the same thing happened to me almost three weeks ago, I thought I was 12+4 but baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks so I had an ERPC the day after. The first few days were awful and the shock of realising that the scan screen wasn't showing a heartbeat stayed with me for a while but it DOES get better, talking about it either on here or with someone is a real help.

    We have a 15 month old daughter and like you expected everything to go the same this time however having her to look after has really helped me and taken my mind off of the MMC. I have also decided (and GP has OK'd it) to start trying again immediately, I just feel like I need something to focus on.

    Come on here and vent or ask any questions you like and we will listen.
  • Hello, I'm so sorry to hear you too have experienced a missed miscarriage. Exactly the same thing happened to me too - I thought I was 14 weeks pg but baby had died at 9 weeks. Its such a shock when it happens and nothing can prepare yourself for it. It was my first pregnancy and it makes me so sad that having experienced this if I ever do get pg again I know I won't feel happy or enjoy my pregnancy for fear that it will happen again.

    What I will say is that the old saying "Time heals" is true - I had my miscarriage in Feb and although it still hurts like mad, it is easier now than it was initially. Who knows what the future will bring but chances are, as you have one perfect baby, you'll go on to have another successful pregnancy - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, and everyone else who's experienced this kind of thing too! x
  • Hi sorry for your loss...

    I too had a mmc in March though i found out at 9 weeks my baby died at 7+2. I had spotting and pain when i first found out so they scanned me at 6+4 and we saw a heartbeat which releaved me a little. They put the spotting down to implantation bleeding and said would scan in 2 weeks just to make sure but that everything looked ok dates matched etc.

    Only indication i had something was wrong was a lack of morning sickness...nausea kicked in about 6 weeks but that was in (had sore boobies and increased appetite) and i wasnt acyually sick until i was what i thought was 7+4 so when my baby had already gone ironically. So i dont know how i would have felt getting to 12+ weeks and finding out espec with no sign anything was wrong...

    It was my first pregnany and we are completely devestated...i chose to have medical management which i found quite traumatic (as did my hubby seeing me go through it all) I have found this site a tremendous help for the support i have recieved the past month.

    As everyone has said it does get a little easier - i can function as before now back at work etc (working with health visitors which is hard) but i still cry for my baby everynight, Only support i have had has been from my hubby....you are right people dont know what to say and can be akward all i have had is the usual 'it doesnt mean it will happen again' and 'at least you know you can get pregnant' as well as 'its probably for the best something must have been wrong with the baby'

    The last statement is the worst as to me it wasnt something flawed or unimportnant it was our little baby. MINE growing inside ME and was a little life already..i had seen its heartbeat and i will never forget seeing my 'baby' when it came out (although it didnt look anything like a baby) i knew what it was and to me it was beautiful. My sister kindly told me to 'just get over it' and hasnt spoken to me in 6 weeks so i think akward support is a little better than none.

    Knowing there isnt any reason (at least at this stage) why it wont happen again doesnt necessarily make things easier but its true and you have to hope and look forward. I'm currently on my first af and we plan to ttc again next week....i will never replace the baby i lost as to me they will always be my 'first' but we both want a baby so much we have to try and i miss being pregnant and think it will help me heal a little although i know i will be ill with worry (hopefully all the way to 9 months next time) until i hold my baby so please bring on the morning sickness....i will feel a little better then lol!

    Anyway i am so sorry for going on so much i tend to do that,

    Sorry again for your loss...

    Lx
  • Hi I'm so sorry you are joining us. You are definitely not alone in thinking all was well.

    I also went to my 12 week scan at 12+3 to find out the baby had died at 9 weeks. We were devestated, although OH has never cried in front of me. He admits he is extremely sad that we lost bean. But he wasn't the one pg.

    I found some people didn't want to discuss the mmc, as they just didn't have the right words to say. It is sometimes better to know you have someone's support, although they are silent. Than have them say something they think is helping, but comes across as insensitive. My best friend asked how I was, and a few questions so I felt able to open up to her.

    We have all been through something similar, which is a help if you have no-one to discuss things with. If you need to talk more we're here. We can tell you, you do get out the other side.

    I found it helpful to buy a teddy with Little Angel on it, to remember my bean. Others have bought teddies, or plants etc. You might find that a comfort. Hugs. xx
  • Hi there

    I am so sorry for your loss - that must have been an awful shock.

    As the Drs said there was no way you could have known but I remember saying the exact same thing after my 1st mc.

    You're in my thoughts.

    Love NN xx

    http://tac.families.com/ezb/1192802.png



    Click Here To Read My Ramblings On Living With Loss
  • sometimes, its best to be honest, if your feeling really poop. and some one asks how you are, tell them, weather you wake up feeling fine, like she-it, or just a little poopy,

    you will have days when you think, yeah im good today, im getting there, but something will remind you of what was,

    i couldnt listen to take that for months even now i get a lump when i hear the song,

    it would have been my due date on tuesday, the day before my youngest 6th birthday, he was so excited about being a big brother for his birthday,maybe next year

    keep well hun, when you want to cry. cry, when you feel like laughing laugh,
  • thanks all.
    Feeling like I was getting there emotionally until .... I have been stopping myself looking at my diary to work out when our baby died (they told me how many weeks and days it was likley to have been so could work out the to the day) but I was naughty and worked it out - and wished I hadn't. It looks like our baby died on Mothers Day - I cant believe how cruel life can be.
    I didn't feel great that day but my hubby and little boy made it a lovely day. Now I can't get it out of my head that our poor little baby was dying inside me.
  • hya newbimum
    first of all sorry for your loss, i know how you feel i had a MMC on 14th march and had a d+c done on the 18th march, i went for a scan and was told the baby had died at 6weeks 4days! we are trying to stay positive and look to the future, our little bean will never be forgotton and we got a picture of him( i call it him because when i came round from the op i drempt he was) plus it makes him more real!! we are now awating AF to arrive and feel more noraml......
    it will take time but remember its not your fault and everyone on here is fantastic, im on this forum, TTC after MC and TTC with clearblue, and the ladies on all of them have been like my life line for the last nearly 6 weeks, you know were we are if you need us...... but thing will get easier even thought your bean will never be forgotton, try to think pos, your body was trying to carry on the pregnancy,trying to do the right thing!! thiking of ou at this horribly hard time!
    p.s you know were we are, i hope this is a help!!
    sambooxx
    xxxx
  • Hi

    The majority of us have probably traced back to the day. It's a stupid thing to do, but we just can't help ourselves. I did it too.

    It's upsetting it was on Mother's day, but you have to remember there was nothing you could have done, and it was nothing you did. xx
  • Mithical is right....

    I too traced back to the day and it was on a day when i felt ok surprisingly but i remember having a silly argument with hubby (cant remember what over as it was so trivial) and although it wasnt a bit deal i think it must have been cause i was annoyed or cause i made a pizza for dinner and chips rather than eat something more healthily as i had been doing (hubby and i were refusing to make dinner as we werent speaking pathetic i know) so i have blamed myselt - i can also remember what i was doing in work that day and what babies i went to visit and i was seeing all these wee babies when my own little one was stopping growing...its just horrible and it doesnt make it any easier so i dont know why we do it. Mine hurt more as it only 5 days after seeing the wee heart beat.

    I think mine was a girl as i psychic told me years ago (and most of what he said has come true) that my first BORN not first baby as i regard this little one would be a boy....so i think it was a girl and also as my mum never got to be a gran (and she always said she wouldnt know how to look after a boy as there is none in out family and she would have lov ed a little grandaughter to spoil with pink things) i think now she can be and that she is looking after them now and keeping them safe for me and she is a gran after all. It might sound a bit morbid but its a nivr thought to me.

    Im sorry it was on mothers day but it was nothing you did although i think its normal to blame ourselves and think if we had only done something different even though it wouldnt have made a difference as sadly it just wasnt meant to be.

    Take Care,

    Lx
  • Hi hun,
    I am so sorry you have had to go through this. It is such a shock. I have had 2 MMC and didn't have any reason to think things had gone wrong either.
    The milestones and reminders are always hard, but they are part of the grieving process and will help you to gradually start to move forward.
    The ladies are always here for you to talk to should you need a shoulder or a listening ear.
    Sending you a hug,
    Lilou x
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