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Miscarriage at 16 wks im a wreck
The title says it all im a mess and cant stop crying and the worst bit is I hate myself because just before finding out I had considered an abortion (I wrote a long post on here which I have now deleted as I am so ashamed of how I felt) as I was suffering with horrendous hyperemesis and depression. I cant forgive myself for my thoughts and am tormenting myself with the fact that I had no feelings for my baby whilst I was pregnant and now all I want is to rescue my bean and protect it and love it like I was supposed to and I cant.
How do I get through this Im so lost
How do I get through this Im so lost
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Replies
I do remember ur post about hypermesis but i didn't reply as it bought back a few home truths as i had the same and felt the same.
i know its hard not to but please don't torture uself over what u had felt this isn't what caused ur mc.
i know u probably didn't feel like u loved ur baby but from the way u've writen ur post it very much sounds like u did....sometimes we just don't realise how special what we have is until we loose it.
Take time to grieve for ur baby....get angry, shout, scream, cry do what ever u need to get through this horrible time.
Make sure u talk to ppl around u or us but don't cope with this on ur own sweetheart.
My thoughts r with u and mr bubbles and if u need to talk we're all here 4 u.
Love jen
xxxxxxx
We sent a balloon into the sky with a message to our bubbles with a poem attached which has helped me considerably but I still cant get over my grief for a baby I couldn't protect. I feel like such a failure.
My hubby and I have agreed not to try again for a year as we have a lot of healing to do but part of me craves to feel my baby inside me again and another part of me is terrified.
The minute my baby was removed the hyperemesis went out like a light switch and part of me feels like someone played a massive trick on me even though I remember being in hopsital on a drip I cant remember how awful I felt because this is so much worse.
ur tribute to baby bubble was lovely!!
i know what it feels like to feel like you should have protected this baby from harm as i lost a baby in dec following a car crash, it is a mothers natural instinct to protect their child and even thou u may not have felt like u were a mother or doubted ur love for ur bubble u became one the moment u concieved and will remain 1- u r bubbles' mummy.
As for trying again that is a decision you have to make with mr bubble we started the following month after our mc as we felt ready but every1 is different and if it helps thou my hypermesis was awful with my dd i had no sign of it with our bean in dec and had it from the beginning with dd.
Take things easy honey u'll know when the time is right to try again and i know its a big cliche and i hated ppl saying it to me but time is a great healer.
xxxx
Has your hyperemesis gone now? The doctors think that all the medication I was on because og the HG may have played a part in my babys heart stopping but we wont ever know.
I think time will be a great healer although currently I dont see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh honey i'm sorry if that was the case 4 ur baby's heart beat stopping thats awful, i never knew the full risks 4 of medications to help but i'm lucky that mine ended well.
U will see the light eventually, it'll take time but u'll see it and then they'll be days when it gets a bit further away again but it gets easier i promise.
xxx
Yeah my hyperemesis was just starting to ease off and I was just feeling sick all day but managing not to be which was so much better and its what stopped me going to the clinic because I started to see things differently although still felt very very scared.
good luck TTC i hope it happens soon for you x
Do you have a follow up appointment to find out why the m/c happened, sometimes that may help with the guilty feelings. I had an appointment which showed mine was a partial molar pregnancy where 2 sperm fertilise 1 egg but it doesnt divide to make twins any the baby ends up with 69 chromosomes.
Nothing you thought or did would have made any difference to what happened so please try not to beat yourself up about it. Look after yourself and take time to grieve. Big hugs xxx
ps as the others say, do not blame yourself xxx
Too answer your post I dont have a follow up appointment. When I asked the doctors if they would be able to tell me what happened to the baby I was told they wouldn't be doing an autopsy as its apparantly just one of those things!!! so I will never know why. I was really upset about this as I thought I should be able to find out what happened.
The only possible reasons I have been given is that I was so dehydrated constantly that our baby wasn't getting what it needed from me and also the amounts of many different types of medication I was taking for the hyperemesis could have played a role. At last count I had 12 different types of medication either orally/ by IV/ by IM or in suppositry form which Im sure cannot have been good for the baby but I thought the doctors new best and never thought I would have been given stuff that could potentially harm.
I also wanted to be told what sex our baby was but they said they couldn't tell me - is that normal for them not to say?
Part of me feels like I cant close the book on this because of all of the un-answered questions that wont ever be answered. I hope in time I will be able to not question everything that happened but currently It worries me because what if next time I need those medications - im going to be terrified the same will happen.
Its all so confusing.
I would have thought that the medication they gave you is safe in pregnancy otherwise they wouldnt give it, I'm sure there are thousands of women who have had that medication with no effect on their baby. Can you speak to your g.p. to find out why you havent had a follow up as I was told it was routine with a late m/c as it is often easier to establish a cause after 12 weeks.
I know its easy to say but try not to worry too much about next time. I was so ill with our little girl, I was literally throwing up all day then waking in the night to be sick, I dont think there was a day in that 16 weeks where I wasnt sick at least 3 times but when i had my 3 year old I wasnt sick at all so I spent the whole of the first 12 weeks worrying that something was wrong because I wasnt feeling sick.
Can you try to speak to a consellor just to vent your feelings and talk to someone who isnt involved. I really feel for you at the moment because I know how heartbreaking it is for you, all I can say is cry shout or do whatever it takes and believe me it really does get easier but it also takes time. big hugs xxxx