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I feel so low
I'm feeling really low I feel like everyone I know / see /meet is pregnant or just had a baby on top of that everybody on tv in films in books is pregnant even the bloody cats around my street are pregnant am sitting in tears just now, I've been managing through the day but find that at night I'm getting really teary, I suffer from epression anyway and my 2nd MC has brought on an episode. An old work colleague (who doesn't know we're TTc or have suffered MC) came in with his baby it was a struggle to talk to his daughter but when he commented that iwas really good with her I nearly fell apart i'm going to meet up with 2 friends on monday one of whom has an 18mo and is 20weeks preganant and the other has a 6mo I keep thinking I need to see babies to keep abit of normality but I feel like crying everytime I see a bump or a baby. I know there's nothing anyone can do but just had to tell someone hubby is out ti=onight.
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I know what you mean about everyone around you being pregnant or seeing lots on tiny babies. I'm so sorry that you at home alone and feeling down.
Every other person on our street seems to be pregnant, or just had a baby at the moment, i'm finding it hard that the woman opposite us who's daugher is 2 weeks older than our son is pregnant and is due around when our baby would have been due. I feel that it is going ot be a constant reminder of the baby that I should be carrying.
Can you and OH get away for a few days? We have just come back today from a 5 day break and i feel like it has done me the world of good, i'm starting to feel more like me again, however i am going back to work for first time after mmc (had erpc on 4th sept) and think i will find that difficult as everyone now knows (they had all been asking questions as to why i was off apparently.)
I know that your time will come soon, and i hope that you start to feel better. Please come on here for support if you feel you can't talk to anyone, i know i do. Sending you lots of hugs.
Jodie xx
Hope you're feeling better than me today!
G
xx
Jodie, it must be really hard having someone who is due so close to your EDD.
I was on holiday when I had miscarriage (weren't away anywhere just off work) so it's a while until we have more time off.
Me and huby went to see a friend and her 6mo yesterday and I was ok I managed to play with him and didn't feel too bad but I was more distant - if that makes sense - than I usually am with kids. So after that i was feeling a bit more positive for coping with babies - then a friend text me this morning to tell me that a mutual colleague from my old work had her twins. Now I feel pants again - this girl did not want kids she'd rather spend er money on designer clothes and handbags, she's going back to work asap and has asked her mum to give up work to look after her babies. it feels so unfair!! It makes me feel like a total b@tch feeling like this.
My best friend is having a c-section tomorrow for her 3rd child and i am looking forward to a new baby, but still not sure how i am going to feel when i see the baby.
It's so hard to pull yourself back up when you have been knocked down so many times, but try to focus on something positive and look forwards, I know that it is going to happen for you soon.
Big Hugs
Jodie xx
[Modified by: jodie13 on September 27, 2009 02:14 PM]
Didn't want to read and run as I find it so demoralising to see loads of people have viewed my thread but not posted!
Can't really say anything useful other than you're not alone (which I know doesn't help - you still feel crap) and you are completely normal for feeling like this. I suffer the dreaded big d as well and it can make everything seem so much worse than it actually is.
I write a diary when I'm feeling low as it can help me put things more into perspective. Sometimes I read back on it and think OMG I can't believe I got upset by a nappy advert!
All of us on the ttc threads (whether 1st time, after others or after mc) feel like the world is full of babies and it sucks it really does. Coming on here and telling people how you feel is a help hun tho - for you and for those reading it thinking oh wow I feel like that too!
PMA PMA PMA and loads of babydust!
Luc xxx
Jodie I know exactly what you mean when you say about a little bit of you dying inside but feeling happy for friends at the same time when you hear they're pregnant.
Hubby text my friend to say she'd upset me by telling about our old collegue - she the text me saying that she was sorry but she thought I'd find out eventually and why delay the inevitable(!?) then asked how I was coping. So I told her that honestly I'm not doing great that I get teary most nights that seeing kids I knew already isn't too bad (but still sucks) but hearing about new babies and pregnancies really hurts. She came back saying I should focus on the pleasures in life - helpful advice - but then proceeded to say it's not helpful to put my life on hold or spend it miserable whilst waiting to get pregnant - well that made me thankful she hadn't said it to my face otherwise I may have slapped her. I cannot help being unhappy me and DH soo want a baby I've had 2 MC's and suffer from depression - I went back to work at the end of my holiday whilst still going though my 2nd MC I have continued to see my friends and family and go on nights and days out and have even bought a new house and am in the process of putting our current house on the market. I can hardly be accused of putting my life on hold!!
I can't believe how unsensitive your "friend" has been. What a cowbag! I think that people who haven't been through both the physical and mental heartbreak of a mc don't understand the grieving that you do. I think my mum had a "pull yourself together" attitude with me, after 1 week and it felt like she couldn't understand why it was taking me so long to get over things and that "life goes on."
After all of the pain that you have been through and all that you have got going on at the moment (moving house is stressful enough on its own) your friend should have been more thoughtful than to tell you just to get on with things.
Sending you so many positive thoughts.
Jodie xx
I def agree that people don't understand how hard it is to get over an MC if they've not been through it. Luckily for me my bro's fiance has had one, so I have someone I can talk to about it aswell as all you lovely ladies.
Love Gecko x
Then I came home and after tea hubby told me his sister is pregnant, she is 6 weeks so will be due 4 weeks after I would have been . I feel like it'll be a constant reminder to me of where I should have been. I had also so hoped we could give the 1st granchikd on his side - my parents have 5 already and although I bnkow they will love our kids just as much there's nothing quite as special as the 1st and I'd thought maybe we could give that happiness to my in laws.Now I can't stop crying and I can't help wondering how I'll make it through family events now I'm dreading christmas already. I'd imagined having a bump and being fussed ovber at christmas and now it'll be her. When I told hubby I felt it would be a constant reminder to me he responded "are we supposed to avoid her then?" and when I said no I just have to deal with being in pain he kind of scoffed. I can imagine it's been tough for him hearing this and imagining how I'll react but can't believe he was so short with me. up until now he's been my rock now I just feel totally alone
I work with children and young people. My link is with early years services becasue of my paediatric background. This means I am constantly doing home visits to offer advice to parents about problems/difficulties with children. Majority of my work is around parenting and always giving advice when all I want is to be a parent.
Its so difficult to talk about how your feeling when feelings are so raw. I hope you and OH manage to talk through things. I bet he is hurting as much as you but maybe finding it more difficult to express.
Hope your feeling brighter soon. Thinking of you xxxxx
I spoke to hubby again last night after I'd had a long soak in the bath. He says that hearing about his sister has brought the MC 's home to him, after she'd told him he took her aside and asked her not to tell me yet when she asked why he started crying. She'd said she was hoping to tell us together I'm so glad I wasn't through on Saturday or I wouldn't have been able to hold it together. I'm ashamed to say that my first thought when hubby told me she was six weeks was that maybe something will go wrong for her - I wouldn't wish this soul destroying experience ion anyone. I haven;t felt happy for her yet at all I just feel so so sad. Everytime I see her I'll be thinking it should have been me.
And maybe try things to help you sleep. When your emotions are already frazzled exhaustion makes it worse, I find I cry even more when I'm tired. Luckily my job is so hectic I've been sleeping better since I was back.
You're unlucky to have to travel on the bus. At least I have privacy when I cry whilst driving home!!! And i sometimes come home for lunch so I get to do it twice.
Are you feeling any better now? Guess the post above was when you were just home from work?
How are you feeling today?? I'm so glad you and OH have managed to talk things through. Its obvious that the recent events have brought a lot of feelings back to the forefront for you both. I'm glad you have each other to rely on
I can't imagine how you are feeling but my heart really does go out to you. I think that if I was in the same situation I would feel the same.
I know this isn't similar but my mc started when I was at my inlaws house. Since then I haven't seen them. We have plans to see them again in a couple of weeks and I know I am going to find it really difficult. Its going to bring alot of feelings back for me but I know I cannot avoid situations as in the long run it will only make it harder. To make it even more intense when I see them will be the weekend I am due to test (if af doesn't turn up b4). I haven't told my oh how I feel about seeing them again as I'm trying to sort out in my own head how I feel first. My OH is very sensitive and I don't want to upset him without a real need to. He is very close to his family and would upset him that I was thinking about his parents like this.
Is there anyone who you can talk to about things? Sometimes I find easier to talk to someone who is not connected. I'm due to see my friend next week and I know I will be talking to her about how I'm feeling.
Thinking of you xxxx
I also feel in limbo as I've not had AF yet its 4 weeks today since the red blood started so had been hoping she would pitch up today then at least I'd know where I am and could think about trying again. I think not knowing when AF will come adds another worry onto all the other crap.
It really helps to come on here and having you girls replying to me. Gemgems thankyou so much for your offer but I don't know if I can have my first converation with someone being me bubbling down the phone to them! I'll maybe email you some time anyway
Gxx
I know what you mean about being in limbo waiting for AF, I'm 4 weeks post ERPC on friday, and i have never been so desperate to have an AF in my life. Trying again seems to be the only positive thing that we can focus on.
It always seems that when you start to feel better something comes along to give your PMA a right bashing. I think that we just have to think that our time will come soon, I know it won;t be long for you. I hope that you feel better soon.
Sending you big hugs
Jodie xx
G
xx