Forum home› Pregnancy› Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options

In need of advice and TLC after missed miscarriage

fairysarefairysare
in Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

Hi,

On Thursday my husband and I went for our 12 week scan and had the devestating news that there was nothing but a seven week embryo and yolk sack in my uterus and I should have been 13 weeks and there is no way my dates are wrong. Words cannot describe the panic and pain that seared through me when I saw nothing on the screen after the tummy scan, I was in total shock and since then I have never felt so sad and broken in my life, in fact it feels like my life is over.

On reflection I remember the sonographer saying after she did the internal scan that she was going to check my ovaries but that's when I got 'hysterical' bit of a hurtful comment but overall they were kind to me, but why would she have wanted to check my ovaries then? Does anyone know?

Also I started having some light bleeding yesterday and today which is dark brown, I assume I am now having a miscarriage. I am meant to go back to hospital on Friday for a second scan. Do you think if I pass the baby naturally I will have to have another scan or a procedure to check the baby has all gone? Can't believe I have to even ask these questions! Also what might the miscarriage be like? I am pretty terrified of what this spotting might turn into, can anyone tell me what it might look/ feel like?

My husband has been totally amazing, as have most of my friends, I have text some of them though and not heard back- that hurts, I guess people are strange around loss. Also two of my best friends are pregnant four weeks either side of what I was and we were so excited about all being new mums together- now it feels like even though they have been supportive I have been dragged out of the baby club by my hair and kicked in the guts! It will hurt seeing them as their bumps grow.

I am also very scared I will never be a mummy, when I so long to be. I have read many positive stories on here about women having healthy pregnancies after this kind of experience but I can only imagine that if I do get pregnant again I will be petrified of losing the baby for the whole pregnancy, and will never ever forget the image of nothing on the screen after my first 12 week scan.

Any advice/ support on the rambling questions I have asked would be really appreciated.

Thank you for listening to me. XXX

Replies

  • Options
    HopeBeanSticksHopeBeanSticks

    hi hun i'm so sorry to hear about your loss i hope my story will help you in some way. in the last year i had to have two d&c's once i had a blighted ovum which i found out at nearly 11 weeks...so there was no baby in there in the first place and the second time they warned me things are not going well and i knew again by week 10 that it's a miscarriage again. with the first one i started spotting then bleeding a little but they told me that it's very unlikely to happen naturally quickly as it hasn't hapenned up to now so i booked myself in for surgery as i just wanted it over asap and also i heard some horror stories as how bad it can get....the bleeding. the second time i only started spotting slightly so again i booked myself in for surgery. it was the best decision for me, it's over so quick and literally 45 minutes later you can just go home and start recovering....i had light spotting after and then 28 days later got my first period. don't worry hun, i know it's hard but you will have your baby one day i'm sure!!! hope i helped in some way and sending youlots of hugs xxxx

     

  • Options
    MyBsMyBs
    I've been through the exact same thing. I understand how you feel, especially that image imprinted on your mind. Every time I closed my eyes, not just to sleep, but even blink, the image of the screen was there. Honestly, everything you described feeling, I felt too. To answer some of your questions... Could the sonographer have wanted to check your ovaries to rule out an ectopic pregnancy? If you poss things naturally you will have a scan to check that everything has gone, and only if not you will need a procedure. You say you are meant to go back to the hospital on friday - if you have started bleeding you may not last that long. I'm not sure but I think for some ladies it is like a heavy period, but for me it was nothing like that at all. ( I think the further along you are, the worse, I was 13 weeks too) I will tell you about what happened to me but it was traumatic and horrific, if you want to be prepared for what COULD happen, here goes... I was in the bath when I started bleeding. Didn't think much. But after a while I noticed alot of blood was coming so thought id get out. Every time I tried to stand up stuff started gushing out. You know how when you get a cut and put it in water (or a little period blood comes out in the bath) you think its a lot but the red colour disappears? Well I suppose this should have been a sign how much there was that the whole bath was red, it just looked like blood, not watered down. When I managed to get out I sat on the sofa. Even sitting down I could feel a pressure when something was coming and ran to the bathroom, my partner said he could hear the stuff falling in the toilet. I never saw anything that resembled anything (thank god) but there were countless clots tennis ball sized. The next thing I know I wow up on the sofa with my partner on the phone to 999, apparently I had pissed out and he couldn't wake me. I kept slipping in and out and then remember laying on the bathroom floor with paramedics standing there. I went to the hospital and had to remain completely horizontal and on oxygen otherwise I passed out. Eventally after lots of fluids etc I was given an erpc, and then told I had lost over half my blood volume! I stayed in hospital for 2 nights and then went home, and slowly got better. It really was the worst experience of my life. Five months later I conceived my daughter, and yes, I was constantly worried, even after scans etc. I only really stopped worrying when I got to about 30 weeks and knew there was a good chance of the baby surviving if anything happened. She came at term and was perfectly healthy, and I'm now 18 weeks pregnant again. I know how much it hurts to see other women with bumps and newborns, and it will hurt more when you approach the time you would have been due. I know exactly how horrible you feel, but honestly, one day you will feel better. And one day you will be holding your baby that you deserve! Take care, and really do go easy on yourself, you've been through alot xxx
  • Options
    MyBsMyBs
    Also, like hopebeansticks says, if you are given the option of a d+c/erpc BEFORE things get in full swing, I would take it. Xx
  • Options
    MyBsMyBs
    Sorry, its meant to say I WOKE up on the sofa and I had PASSED out. Xx
  • Options
    fairysarefairysare
    Hi to both of you, thanks for your kind words and honest responses. i am going to take your advice and see if i can get a d & c done on Friday or asap as i have stopped bleeding now and not sure if my body will do this on its own. been feeling rather depressed today but i guess that's normal. it means a lot that you bit took the time to respond. thank you, hugs and my very best wishes to you both xxx
  • Options
    claire531claire531

    We had a d&c in June and I think it was the best decision for us and for me. It was still one of the most traumatic things I have ever been through, but I am out the other side.

    Allow yourself time to relax and take the time you need. I spent a lot of time resting and doing things that I want....chocolate and terrible films.

    You are allowed to feel depressed, angry and upset. Just remember the positive, that someone was wrong and it was not meant to be. That won't help now, but in the long run it will do.

    Whatever you do, remember you and your husband have each other. x x

  • Options
    sj2604sj2604

    Hi,

    I had a missed miscarriage last November and would advise you to get the op. I had never had anaesthetic and was afraid to have one, so I took the tablet option. Was a big mistake, the folowing day I haemerraged and lost 5 pints of blood. Had an emergency op and was all done and over with when I woke up.Had to have 2 transfusions and was really scary. Is a painful time, I know but put your own health first. If it is any consolation, I am now almost 9 weeks pregnant. I promise you will feel better in time, even though you never get over your loss.

  • Options
    MrsAsh3MrsAsh3

    Hi hun,

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I found out I had a missed miscarriage 3 weeks ago, I was at my 16 week check up and found baby's heart had stopped beating. They think baby died around 13/14 weeks.

    I had medical management and although I appreciate that for some of the women above that was not the right choice for me it definitely was. Don't get me wrong it was painful and traumatic but any experience following miscarriage is. The midwife was amazing though and they took some hand and foot prints from my baby for me.

    I hope the D+C goes as well as it can go for you and hopefully then you can have some closure on whats happened and allow yourself time to grieve and recover physically.

    I feel exactly the same as you about falling pregnant again, there is nothing I want more than a baby but the thought of going through this again is unbearable. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes x x x

  • Options
    fairysarefairysare
    Thanks ladies, i so appreciate your thoughts and having the generosity to share your experiences. i am more cross and angry than anything now as the Midwifes have called me twice to ask why i haven't booked my 16 week appointment!!! Seriously, it was like taking a bullet getting those calls. also if one more person responds to me by saying "well its natures way...." i will do something very unnatural in response, they would never say that to a cancer patient woold

    they!



    The key to supporting me have found is simply to validate my feelings and acknowledge that this is an awful awful time, i guess it is just so hard for people to know how to respond sometimes......anyway, rant overimage
  • Options
    MrsAsh3MrsAsh3
    Oh god its bad enough the midwives contacting you once let alone twice!!!! I think I'd go mad!

    How are u feeling now fairysare? I know what you mean, it finally clicked for me a few weeks ago that a really awful thing has happened and I can't click a switch and be happy so its important to recognise I feel sad and just think about my feelings.. It has been a month now and I'm starting to feel a little more optimistic about the future. My cycle has come back exactly 28days after MC so feeling relieved about that.. Feeling like I can look to the future but that also scares me!!!

    Anyway I hope u are doing as well as u can be, and feel free to rant away image x
  • Options
    fairysarefairysare
    Thanks MrsAsh3, im feeling up and down, sad, angry but sometimes can have a laugh. My emotions just creep up on me at strange times and can catch me with a big sting of tears quite randomly, but i am just riding whatever happens. i have had some horrible dreams, last night about adopting a boy who ended up being slashed to death with a knife in front of me (must be my subconscious working through the d & c i guess) and another where the doctor found a baby growing in my rib cage and telling me they made a mistake and i was pregnant after all, hideous nightmares really so i wish i could turn off my subconscious!



    How are you feeling this evening MrsAsh3? Xxxxx
  • Options
    MrsAsh3MrsAsh3

    Oh god image the dreams don't sound good hun.. Mine are all just baby related, like a kick in the teeth when I wake up and realise I am no longer pregnant.
    I am feeling okay at the moment... We decided at the hospital to have a few tests done (blood test, swabs and a test on placenta) so an appointment at the hospital has come through for 14th sept. Have been assured that if an infection etc had been found then I would have been contacted for necessary treatment. I can accept the fact that it was probably one of those things (natures way, not meant to be, ETC you know the rest I am sure- might be as sick of hearing them as i am!!! image) BUT we needed to rule out anything that could potentially affect us in the future. So in limbo now.. Want to think about trying again, have started folic acid again. Unsure how long we really are supposed to wait, some say just one AF, and others 3 months.. Dont suppose anyone can shed some  light there? Miscarriage seems to come along with lots + lots of unanswered questions doesn't it?!
    Hope your horrible nightmares go away fairysare xxxx

  • Options
    fairysarefairysare
    Gosh im having a bad day today, been crying randomly and moping around a bit not sure how to shift the mood. How are other people doing? Xxxx
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content