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5th miscarriage.. extreamly scary

Hi I've joined this forum for abit of support from people who are in a similar situation. I've just had my 5th miscarriage last week. Had a scan when I was 6 weeks, got to see my tiny baby and its little heart beating which was such a relief after my previous 4 losses. I went for my 12 week scan only to be toldthat the sac was there but no baby anymore. I was aabsolutely devastated and in complete shock as I'd had no symptoms. I decided to go home and wait to misscarry naturally. 2 days later I was in the bath and began to have mild contractions and bleeding,every time I had a contraction, I'd loose a clot. I got out of the bath and was bleeding uncontrollably so was rushed to hospital where I passed out a few times and was put on a drip and given a blood transfusion. I was allowed home 2 days later and then passed 2 clots the size of a melon! So was taken back to hospital and they said the amount of blood I lost that I'm lucky to be alive. A week on and I'm still feeling very week and just can't seem to stop thinking about it. My best friend had just had a baby and a few of my other friends are newly pregnant and I feel so jealous and angry,like they've got whats mine or something even though I didn't really want anotherbbaby. I'm confused on how to feel and think I don't really have the right to feel upset when I didn't really want it,even though I would've never had an abortion. I just feel such a loss image


  • Hi Alicia,

    im sorry to hear of your loss & that you had such a rough time with it. You absolutely do have a right to be upset... Whatever the circumstances & your feelings about the pregnancy, you have still suffered a loss & been through a traumatic time! Any & every feeling you have is ok... I hope you have someone close you can talk things through with... Talking really does help so much.

  • Thanks for your reply. It seems easier to talk to people you don't know and who have been through something similar. I can't really talk to anyone I know as I put up such a front and they think I'm pretty much over it. I don't want to bring it up either becauseas iI said everyone is wrapped uup in themselfs having baby's and being pregnant. Its not just something you can 'bringuup in conversation' anyway is it.

    I've just come back from seeing my best friends baby for the 2nd time this morning and again I've come home crying. I don't want it to be like this and I so want to be happy for her but I'm avoiding meeting her because I don't want to see her baby and how happy she is. I hope its not like this for long because I'm starting to just feel stupid and selfish now
  • You're not being selfish... That is an absolutely natural feeling to have & I'm sure if you explained to her that it is difficult for you at the moment she would understand.

    honestly though I have talked about my miscarriage a lot so i am in a different position to you. It is hard at first because people in general are not used to having those conversations & they dont know how to respond but i have found it so helpful to just put it all out there & be honest about every thought & emotion I have experienced... Even the ones that i thought even seemed 'silly' or irrational... That doesnt matter as its how you feel & it helps to acknowledge that.

    if you really feel that you cant talk to friends or family how about going back to your doctor... They can refer to a bereavement counsellor or i've even heard that some places have specialist midwives who are trained in grief counseling.  

    hope you start to feel better soon x

  • Thankyou, you just feel you should just get over it don't you,and usually I get over things quite easily but it dosnt seem to be S straight forward this time.

    Sorry to hear about your loss as well,hope it wasn't to traumatic and glad to hear you're coping well with it x
  • Sorry for your losses image

    What your feeling is perfectly natural for someone in your situation.

    I am 19 years old and have miscarried 8 times. My last one was last week and mine have always been very early.

    Anger and jealousy are all very important parts of grief and even though it feels horrible to think/feel these emotions.

    I hope you get better soon (physically and emotionally) x

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