miss my baby after miscarriage

I had a miscarriage almost two weeks ago should have been twelve weeks but baby had been dead inside for some weeks unknowingly. 

The guy I was with when I told him I was pregnant said it was him or the baby and I chose the baby, he stayed in touch by text et.

I started with brown spotting then cramps and pains and red blood. Rang the ambulance and when they went to do an internal I was passing baby so they scraped baby out and inserted pessaries inside me.

Knowing I was doing it on my own I had already bought pram, cot, furniture, toys etc. My son is devastated. I had such an uncomplicated pregnancy with him I didn't.think it would happen.

I feel so lonely and empty and still can't stop buying for baby. I have not told babys dad either. I think part of me is keeping baby alive this way.

I know when I tell him he will exit my life. My friends have been useless not interested and comments like you'll have another one, I don't want another one I want my baby back. 

Part of me is thinking about trying again without him knowing but he's been off since so feel like my chance has gone.

I don't want to go on without my baby am still bleeding which is awful as it just reminds me that I should be pregnant